


A Silent Whisper (That's Left Unsaid)

by MyEnglishRose



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (mentioned not described), (several actually), Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Bottom Louis, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Domestic Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Grief/Mourning, Harry Styles Calls Louis Tomlinson Pet Names, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Post-Break Up, Rimming, Sexual Content, Terminal Illnesses, Top Harry, Zayn Malik & Louis Tomlinson Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:20:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 50,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27032587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyEnglishRose/pseuds/MyEnglishRose
Summary: “So… we’re doing this?”Louis shrugs, suddenly acting disinterested.“Your call, Curly.”Instead of a verbal response, Harry suddenly takes Louis’ left hand in his. The black ring seems to nag him as the fire’s light reflects its polished edges. He ignores Louis’ curious gaze as he quickly takes off one of his own rings — the rose one —, sliding it on Louis’ middle finger. It is a little large and when he lets go of his hand, Louis has to curl it into a fist so the ring doesn’t immediately fall off.“We’ll tell them it’s a promise ring, not an actual engagement,” Harry declares, trying to ignore how warm his cheeks feel. Hopefully, it can’t be seen as he is facing away from the fireplace.“Right… could have gotten me a fitted ring though, my Harry ten years ago was more thoughtful.”Louis’ tone is light and teasing again. It creates a small smile on Harry’s lips.“Someday,” he whispers before he even registers it himself.They both ignore it.Or. A Fake Relationship & Exes to Lovers AU ft a failed proposal ten years ago, an oblivious Harry, an overworked Louis, Zayn as the protective best friend, a meddling aunt and a lot of talks about weddings and rings.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Liam Payne
Comments: 90
Kudos: 418
Collections: Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2020, 💌





	A Silent Whisper (That's Left Unsaid)

**Author's Note:**

> Additional warnings: mentions of terminal illness, mentions of character deaths, mention of some aspect of the afterlife (nothing religious, however), there also may be some medical inaccuracies so I kept that very vague
> 
> I also made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WyY2kBlA85FzinXu2VqSf?si=MJTAX1MjTw2-RUntZJw2lw)! First half of the playlist is Louis' point of view while the other half is Harry's, even though the fic is written in Harry's point of view except at the end. To be honest this playlist was originally for another fic that I ended up giving up and using some scenes for this fic fest.
> 
> This was a pleasure to write and I really did not expect it to get this long if I have to be honest, but I do not control the inspiration what can I say. A huge thank you to my friend Peter, who helped beta this baby even though they literally could not care less about this fandom haha.
> 
> Here's the [tumblr post](https://lwtisloved.tumblr.com/post/635697138501861376/a-silent-whisper-thats-left-unsaid-50k-by), here's my [twitter](http://twitter.com/darlinlou) (+ [fic account](http://twitter.com/myenglishrose_)) ~
> 
> _Original prompt: Prompt 413: A Fake-Marriage AU where Harry needs to be married in order to inherit a fortune. Harry is a restless soul who travels the world and never settles down. His favourite ageing aunt (could be other characters) who is ill (terminal illness) wishes to see him settle down before she passes on so made a clause that Harry can only inherit the money if he settles down. Enter Louis (he could be a childhood best friend and/or ex boyfriend if you prefer angst) who was left behind when Harry went to travel the world. Louis is a nurse caring for Harry’s sick aunt. Cue sweet funny moments between Harry/aunt, Harry’s aunt pushing them together and HL resisting each other at first, then decided to concoct this harebrained scheme to appease the aunt but eventually ended up falling in love!_
> 
> I slightly diverged from the end of the prompt, and I chose to go the Childhood Friends to Lovers to Exes to Lovers route for the best of both worlds so... enjoy!

Aunt Lydia has always loved doing things the old fashioned way so it really didn’t surprise Harry at all when he got a letter announcing her deathly sickness, that she had for a few years now, apparently, instead of a call from her. He was sitting by the balcony of his hotel room in Paris, just taking pictures of the city bathed under the moon’s light when he got a call from Gemma, telling him she had something from their aunt to give him and that she would be there the next day. It was maybe ironic or a twisted turn of fate, that he learned about his aunt’s will and her wish for him to find love and settle down while he was walking around the luxurious Luxembourg garden of the supposedly most romantic city in the world.

“Guess we’re going home,” he whispered to himself as he gently folded the letter with a heavy yet nostalgic heart.

And so here he is now, luggage in hand, outside of the St Pancras railway station with the sun barely up in the sky with a text from Liam telling him he will soon be there to pick him up. He hasn’t been back to London in a few years now so his surrounding truly feels quite foreign — ironically enough — to him at the moment as he inspects the streets in the search of somewhere he could wait for Liam. Apparently, he takes too much time looking around because soon enough a car is stopping right in front of him and Harry is now face-to-face with his childhood friend he hasn’t seen in ten years.

“Harry mate!” Liam exclaims, immediately going for a hug which Harry welcomes with a huge smile of his own. “Feels so great to see you again, although in not the best circumstances. I’m sorry, by the way.”

Harry shrugs, uneasy. He doesn’t really know what to respond to that as he himself hasn’t fully registered the fact that he is soon going to lose a family member and that there is nothing he can do about it.

“Have you eaten breakfast yet?” Harry shakes his head. “Let’s go eat somewhere then, we’ve got a lot to catch up on and a long way to go, don’t we?”

To some café they go, then.

-: ✧ :-

“So… basically everyone’s settled down, I understand why she wants me to do the same,” Harry says, distractingly stirring his coffee.

Liam nods. “Niall and I plan on moving to Ireland by next year, so I’m glad you’re coming back for a while before that.” He smiles, looking down at the wedding band on his left hand. “Though he’s still upset you missed the wedding so I can’t guarantee how he’ll greet you.”

Harry grimaces at that. He has been fairly… bad, at keeping contact with people, as ironic as it may sound for someone whose entire career relies on posting pictures on Instagram and his own travel blog. He does tend to get lost in his pictures and various stories and is rarely the one reaching out to others in order to spark up a conversation again. Outside of his own family, Liam is the only one Harry has managed to still talk kind of regularly with.

Which reminds him…

“Um… so about Louis?” he asks, which prompts Liam to visibly startle as the man blinks at him then smiles awkwardly.

Louis is, or well, _was_ , Harry’s best friend, then boyfriend and then almost fiancé and then nothing. The memory of Louis getting down on one knee the same night Harry planned on telling him he wanted to leave and end their relationship so they wouldn’t have to worry about keeping it up as a long-distance one has a bitter taste on his mouth, he still doesn’t know how he is supposed to feel.

“Well… what about him?”

“He’s still there?”

“Yeah.”

“Same house?” _The one we bought together_.

“Yeah.”

Harry pauses at that, not daring to ask the next logical question: _single?_ because he doesn’t feel like he has any right to ask anyway. Not that he cares, but a voice in his mind tells him that if he has to please his aunt and settle down with someone as soon as possible, Louis seemed to be the easiest choice, but then the weight of the ten years apart comes crashing back on Harry’s mind.

“He’s your aunt’s nurse, actually,” Liam explains further. “He wasn’t supposed to be because you know, personal stuff might get in the way but she is one fierce lady so they had no choice but to oblige.”

“Oh.”

Well, that explains things. Lydia has always had a soft spot for Louis and when they were together she used to side with Louis during their silly arguments. It was mostly a joke, of course, because Louis thrived on praises and on being told he is someone’s favourite, but deep down Harry also knew Lydia genuinely cared and worried a lot about Louis, what with him coming from a busy and somehow neglected home. _Neglected_ isn’t quite the word but in a house full of young girls, it is to be expected that the oldest of the bunch often had to put his own desires aside to help his siblings. Harry knew it started to take a toll on Louis when they finished high school.

“That’s going… to be fucking awkward,” Harry groans.

“Not necessarily,” Liam assures. “He knows you’re coming back and he seemed… okay with the idea. Not pleased but, you know, at least not disdain I guess?”

“You sound so sure of yourself, wow.”

“I’m not inside his head mate.” A sigh. “You know he’s always been a bit closed off and focused on his studies or job, he talks more with Niall and that new guy who moved with him like six months ago or so?”

“Wait what, who?”

“Oh right, Louis moved away for a few years and worked in London. He transferred back home a few months ago when he learned that your aunt’s condition worsened and he brought some guy with him, a doctor who now also takes care of Lydia. His name’s Zayn.” Harry’s eyebrow twitches. “They’re just friends, though.”

“Or so they claim,” Harry mutters then shakes his head. It is none of his business anyway but it does complicate how he imagined his comeback would roll out. “Do you think I should settle down too?”

Liam shrugs at that. “That depends only on you.”

That really doesn’t help him. Harry doesn’t respond and just finishes his coffee.

-: ✧ :-

Harry didn’t know what “coming back home” would feel like, but he sure didn’t expect it to be so underwhelming. Realistically, he knew the whole town wouldn’t stop what they are doing to welcome him back, but an empty house? That is a low blow on his self-esteem since even his mum is not there to greet him.

“She’s working, lighten up you dolt,” Liam had said. “Your aunt is at her house and Louis might be there as well.”

“Alright, thanks Liam, see you tonight?”

“I’ll make sure Niall doesn’t poison your food,” Liam jokes as he leaves. And then Harry is left alone with his thoughts once again.

For a good minute, he just glares at his suitcase as if it had personally offended him before he decides to drag his feet to his once bedroom. It actually feels weird, to call that room his bedroom even in his head as he hasn’t set foot in there in well over a decade since he moved out at barely 18 to live with Louis. Granted, “moved out” is a big expression to indicate the house literally two streets away from his mum’s house and in front of Louis’ family house, but still, back then it felt like a huge step into adulthood despite the fact both he and Louis still went to their parents for help for laundry and other shenanigans for the first two years of living “on their own”. A smile finds its way on his lips at the memory but he quickly shakes it off. He leaves his suitcase in his room and immediately goes out, telling himself he’d like to explore the small town again as if landing in a foreign country. He has a whole route planned inside his head and prays the landscape hasn’t changed too much.

And so he walks, in front of his old high school through the small park he used to eat lunch and play football at. He then comes across the café by the riverside where he worked most of his summer jobs and he slows down a little there when he spots a familiar figure cleaning up the counter. He is not quite sure though, what with the ten years behind him making his memory a bit fuzzy as he has never been good at remembering people’s faces in the first place. So he makes his way inside the café, telling himself he might as well eat a little something after his walk.

The little bells ringing as he opens the door somehow fill him with unexplainable joy and he has to physically stop himself from chuckling at the simple sound.

And then he meets eyes with the person he thought he recognised and he was right.

“Charlotte!” he greets excitedly at the same time as the young woman seems to light up as well.

“Harry!” she exclaims just as joyfully. “Surprised you even remember me, old man,” she teases. “And please, call me Lottie, you sound too much like my dad.” Harry grimaces at that.

“Alright, then please stop referring to the fact I’m ageing.” She shrugs with a signature mischievous smile at the request. She clearly doesn’t plan on stopping, Harry muses. “So... you work here now?”

“I own this place now, actually!” Lottie explains. “Speaking of which, what can I get you?”

And right, Harry forgot for a second. “Actually, I’m good, I was just walking around and thought I recognised you— which was the case. I’m off to see my aunt right after this so—”

“Oh!” Lottie cuts him off. “Then please bring some cupcakes with you! Lydia loves them!”

Before Harry could object, the young woman runs in the back and immediately shows up again with a small pink box wrapped in a white bow she thrusts into Harry’s hands. The latter blinks.

“Wait, let me pay then—”

Lottie waves him off. “Nuh-uh, don’t worry about that, it’s on the house. Louis should be at your aunt’s too, tell him he should take a break and indulge in my cupcakes too, will you? Oh! Maybe Zayn will be there as well, attached by the hips these two lately I swear. Anyway, if he is, tell him he can take a bite too.”

“Um.”

To say he is a little unsettled would be an understatement. This whole interaction feels surreal, actually, like Harry never really left with how friendly and casual Charlotte is being. He expected at least a little bit of resentment considering how he treated her brother but he is not about to bring it up right now so he just smiles. The Tomlinsons have always been known for their gentle and forgiving nature despite their brash and loud attitudes, after all, so maybe Harry is just really lucky. “Right, I still have to meet that Zayn guy by the way,” he says instead, “kind of feels like I got replaced.”

“Pfff!” Lottie laughs. “No that’s insulting towards Zayn he’s better looking than you.”

Harry gasps. “Well excuse you!”

“Don’t you worry old man,” she dismisses. “He’s nothing like you, you could never be replaced even if Louis— _we_ tried.” She fumbles a little but is saved by the bells. Literally. Some students walk in and Harry knows it is his queue to leave.

“Well, I’ll be on my way, nice seeing you again Lottie!”

She only waves goodbye as he makes his way out of the café.

-: ✧ :-

Aunt Lydia has always been a bright and independent soul, yet a very romantic at heart person despite never marrying herself. During her young years, she travelled a lot as well, probably broke a couple of hearts on her path too, and in a sense, she is the one who made Harry want to get out and explore the world instead of staying confined in this small town. She often expressed, however, how deeply she regretted leaving her love behind as when she came back home after years of going places, once she finally satisfied her desires for adventures, the man who once held her heart had already settled down with someone else and even moved to another country. She never was bitter about it as she never asked him to wait for her, it would be too selfish, but the regret still lingers. It doesn’t take a genius to understand what her motives are now with this odd clause and Harry already mentally prepares himself to tell her to stop worrying about him and his love life.

However, it is true that it doesn’t help that everyone else seems to have found someone as well. Niall and Liam are now married which he never would have guessed back in high school with how many times Liam got on Niall’s nerves — yes, this way, not the other one — and Harry had to make a double-take when he received the wedding invitation even if he couldn’t even come anyway. Gemma on her part recently got engaged as well and his mother remarried while he was away. He saw an engagement ring on Lottie’s finger too, though he didn’t really stop to think about it much, but, now that he does, he frowns because that is _crazy_ how everyone somehow managed to settle down at the same time while Harry still can’t see himself indulge into his old life in this town. There is also a fifty per cent chance Louis has something going on with that doctor, despite what Liam told him.

Again, not that he cares really, he’ll be gone once all of this is settled and once he has spent some time with Lydia. He hasn’t had any details about her condition and how much longer they might have together before… well. Harry doesn’t want to think about it too much for now.

Lydia’s house is on the outskirt of the town, near the river. It hasn’t changed much apart from more vines invading its sides and the garden is more luxurious than it used to be. When Harry finally walks up to it, he notices two cars parked in front of it and his grip tightens on the box.

So. Louis is most likely there indeed. He knew it was a possibility, Liam and Lottie both told him and he is the nurse in charge of Lydia’s care so he has to be around her a lot he guesses, but for some reason, he still wasn’t prepared to face that fact.

Harry sighs and then realises he has been standing in front of the door for a good five minutes, at least.

“Here goes nothing,” he mutters to himself and then rings the bell.

Confronting your ex-boyfriend of six years you haven’t seen in a decade who you’ve dumped after a proposal and then left behind without any word cannot be that frightening, now, can it? _Who is he even kidding._

Fortunately, or not, he doesn’t get to panic even more as the door quickly opens up and Harry’s breath gets caught up in his throat. In a positive way, truly, because in front of him stands the very man he was so dreading to meet again and that same guy somehow hasn’t changed at all since the last time Harry has seen him.

And he is fucking _smiling_. Louis is standing there, same bubbly blue eyes looking up at him and soft fringe gently defining his face and a smile on his lips. Harry suddenly feels inadequate, Louis still looks like he did at 24, and Harry knows the last ten years have been showing up on his face and he unconsciously starts to scratch his beard when noticing that Louis, on the contrary, is clean-shaven like he always preferred to be.

“Harry,” Louis greets, a hint of _something_ Harry cannot exactly pinpoint in his voice — hidden sadness would be the closest guess he could give. “Your aunt’s been waiting for you.”

“I uh— Louis.” Damn, he sounds really dumb right now. “Nice… to see you again.”

Louis huffs out a laugh but does not return the greeting. Instead, he simply takes the box from Harry’s hands and takes a few steps back to let Harry in but as he does so, Harry spots a shiny black ring on Louis’ ring finger and for some reason his heart sinks despite how prepared he thought he was to be faced with this alternative.

“She’s in her room, we came back from surgery so she might be a bit tired. Tell her to take it easy as to not tire herself out I know she will be very excited to see you but she needs to rest. Please don’t get spooked out by all the medical stuff, all that. Also, I’m guessing these are from Lottie?” Louis asks as he puts the box down on a table as they walk through the living room. He seems oddly talkative and friendly, Harry is a little disconcerted.

“Yeah, she said if um, Zayn was here he could take some too?”

“Ah,” Louis nods. “He’s not, he’s still at the hospital, I’m the only one needed to look after Lydia at home if there is no emergency.” Relief washes over Harry. “But I guess I’ll bring back some for him at home.” _Never fucking mind then._

“Bummer, I was hoping to finally meet him,” Harry laments instead with a nervous laugh. _Very convincing_ , he tells himself.

“You will have at some point,” Louis answers simply as a matter of fact. “Anyway, um, I gotta go, I’ll see you another time.”

“Wait, you’re not coming at Liam and Niall’s for dinner?” Harry dreaded the idea— now he’s actually a little bit disappointed with how well this reunion is going compared to how he imagined it.

“I’m afraid I can’t. I gotta… yeah.” Louis doesn’t elaborate, and then he sighs. “I know, about the clause, by the way.” Harry gulps. “Good luck trying to dissuade her to go ahead with it. You just came back so I won’t hammer you with details about her condition, just know I’m doing my best to care for her and there is always someone here, if not me, it’s Zayn or your mother or one of my co-workers so don’t freak out if you see someone you don’t know here.” Harry nods at the explanations, a bit overwhelmed. “And Harry? Before a nurse, I am your friend first. If you ever need to talk about all this, and I know you haven’t had the occasion to and that Liam is not… the best at reading the room at times, you know where I live.”

Harry is dumbfounded. Louis sounds so genuine and soft and Harry feels like pure shit because this sweet smile contrasts so starkly with the last time he saw him ten years ago, with a tear-streaked face and anger and betrayal lacing his voice.

“Thank you, Louis,” he answers in such a low voice he can barely hear it himself but Louis does and nods. Harry wants to hug him. He doesn’t. Louis simply pats him on the shoulder and then heads towards the kitchen, probably to borrow a Tupperware for those cupcakes.

Yeah, back to friends, Harry guesses. He smiles to himself, trying to ignore the slight disappointment deep inside of him. Louis seems to have moved on as opposed to him who has been replaying their last encounter in his head for years.

He sighs as he makes his way towards his aunt’s room. He doesn’t care anyway now, does he?

-: ✧ :-

Once again, Harry’s expectations get thrown out the window when he gets to his aunt’s bedroom and as soon as he sets foot inside the room, he gets attacked by an affectionate hug.

“Lydia!” Harry protests even though he is immediately reciprocating the hug. “You’re supposed to rest, Louis just told me so!”

“Oh bugger, it’s just a hug that won’t kill me,” Lydia dismisses, dropping a kiss on his cheek while ignoring Harry’s wince. She then pulls back to take Harry’s face in her fragile hands and frowns. “The years are really starting to show up on your face.”

“Oh come on!”

“That is the sign you need to calm down, move back here and settle down nicely with—”

“Lydia,” Harry sighs, cutting her off as he gently caresses her hands. “Nice to see you too.”

Lydia pouts. “I’m serious, I’m worried about you.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that?”

“Oh don’t worry about little old me, Louis and Zayn take good care of me,” she dismisses and while Harry is not completely convinced she is handling everything as well as she pretends she is, he lets it go for now. “Speaking of which!” she continues.

“The clause,” Harry finishes for her. Might as well get that over with. “Listen Lydia, it’s just— nonsense.”

“I knew you’d say that,” she chuckles. “But I’m not changing it.”

At least one of Harry’s expectations is met.

“You and I know this isn’t realistic.”

“You’re telling me in the last ten years you haven’t met anyone?”

Harry makes a face. He has. He just never saw them again as he was out of the country pretty fast after one night.

“Then you just need to rekindle an old flame!” Lydia exclaims. “Louis—”

“Woah there,” he stops her immediately. “He got a wedding ring.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“He was literally wearing one when I saw him.”

“You’re mistaking any ring for a wedding ring honey, I know for sure Louis is a hundred per cent single right now.”

“I find that hard to believe… he doesn’t like jewellery.”

“Well, how can you know that now?” Lydia asks. “It’s been ten years, honey.”

“Which is enough to fall out of love.”

“And have you?” Harry doesn’t reply, only frowns. “Yeah, I thought so.”

Harry sighs. “You’re delusional Lydia, let’s sit down.”

To his surprise, his aunt actually listens to him this time and brings him towards the bed, however, Harry immediately sits down on the chair beside it instead. Lydia pouts for a few seconds before shaking her head and grabbing Harry’s hands in hers again.

“Tell me about the past ten years again honey, let me see your face light up.”

And so he does, closing his eyes and feeling Lydia’s thumbs gently caress his hands, and for a brief moment, it feels like everything is alright.

-: ✧ :-

A few hours later, Niall greets him with a punch on the arm. Harry didn’t expect any less yet still cowers away from the door after the impact, prompting the once bleached blonde man, now back to his naturally brown hair, to roll his eyes.

“Oh come on, you’re, like, twice more muscular than last time I saw you, maybe taller too what the hell, anyway little old me couldn’t have damaged you.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s pleasant!” Harry protests.

“Eh, still a whiny baby I see, Liam didn’t tell me _that_ ,” Niall continues, a mix of genuine annoyance and a hint of sardonic humour in his tone. Harry doesn’t remember him to be this bitter. “Come on, he’s getting the table ready.”

Harry sighs. “Glad to see you again too, Niall,” he tries as he passes the door. He only gets a short hum before the door is shut closed behind him and Niall is walking in front of him without any other word.

So. He is still pissed.

“Everyone is so glad to see you back, I’m not,” Niall bluntly says, not looking back. “ _Someone_ has to hold you accountable.”

“Um…” Harry doesn’t elaborate or defend himself, quite confused. After Louis, Liam has always been Harry’s closest friend and while he and Niall got along extremely well, Niall used to have his own group of friends during school and hung out with the three of them only when no one else was available or when Liam used his puppy eyes on him and you just can’t say no to Liam’s puppy eyes. Well, Harry could, but he didn’t count.

So Niall’s hostility kind of throws him off as he didn’t expect him, of all his friends, to care and be hurt by him leaving abruptly. Now, this is the reaction he should have gotten from _Louis_.

“Honestly everyone is too gentle on you,” Niall continues to rant. “And I get it’s because I don’t know you for as long, but no one fucking messes with the ones I love and you proper crushed Liam’s and Louis’ hearts, so thanks for that.” Harry opens his mouth, to at least apologise and express some sort of remorse, but then Niall stops on his tracks and Harry nearly bumps into him.

“But,” the older lad continues, however still not looking at his interlocutor, “they both asked me to go easy on you and I’m gonna try in front of them, alright? Just know I fully expect you to disappear on us again and I’m not getting attached… again.”

“We were never really close, though,” Harry hurries to say.

“Keep telling yourself that to feel better,” Niall dismisses and then perks up when he hears a commotion in the dining room. Harry gulps, hoping Liam hasn’t heard any of this though the man probably knows about his husband’s current hostility. “Ok listen, I’m sorry, about… you know, and I am sending all my love and support to your family but I’m not gonna sit there and pretend everything’s fine.”

“That’s fair enough, but you haven’t heard my side of the story.”

“You had ten years to do that. I called and texted. I’m afraid it’s a bit late.”

He’s probably right, Harry concedes.

-: ✧ :-

Dinner isn’t awkward, surprisingly, but it might be because Liam’s presence just instantly lifts Niall’s spirits up. It is actually kind of fascinating to see and to compare with what Harry knows their relationship to be back in school. Niall and Liam used to get along the least, in fact, Harry remembers how Niall used to not take seriously anything Liam was passionate about, calling Liam "nerdy" or "boring" any chance he got, which in itself would be fine, Louis teased Liam about his interests too but then always listened and encouraged the boy whenever Liam started to ramble on and on about a particular comic book, for example, while Niall was just plain mean at times. Liam, on the other hand, complained a lot about how the Irish boy’s accent got on his nerve especially with the loud personality he possesses. Harry told him that was quite hypocritical of him to say so as Louis could be just as loud at times and Liam countered with a “yeah, but he’s only like that when Niall is there to influence him” and he wasn’t exactly wrong, Louis was actually rather quiet and shy on his own but Harry liked to think Niall helped Louis be more confident all through high school by pushing him just slightly out of his comfort zone little by little.

Harry shakes his head. How did he end up thinking about Louis again?

“The kids at school are restless about us, it apparently blows their mind the history teacher and football coach are married,” Liam laughs.

“They’re probably more surprised about how your jobs aren’t… reversed,” Harry comments.

“I _hate_ history, can’t even remember my birth year sometimes,” Niall says with an exaggerated grimace as he fake gags afterwards to emphasise his sentiment. Liam fondly rolls his eyes at his husband’s antics.

“To be fair, your birth year can hardly be considered an important historical event,” Harry snickers, earning him a grain of rice being flicked perfectly on his forehead. He grins as Niall sticks his tongue out and Liam laughs wholeheartedly.

This feels familiar. This feels good. Something is still missing, though. And this time Harry cannot stop himself before he asks, “You did invite Louis, right?”

This calms the couple down as well and Niall’s facial features harden while Liam sighs.

“We did, but… like I already told you he’s been keeping to himself a lot ever since he came back,” the teacher explains.

“See, the friend he brought back from London, that Zayn guy, he… um, let’s say the rest of the town isn’t that… _welcoming_ , if you know what I mean,” Niall continues.

“Oh.” Harry blinks.

“Some people really aren’t even discreet about their racism, really,” Liam mumbles. Harry hums, profusely remembering how he and Louis weren’t exactly accepted when they started dating but they were so obnoxious about their relationship once they threw their fear of being shunned away thanks to friends and family support that the town just ended up accepting them. Something out of the so-called “ordinary” that disturbs the status quo will always bother those who don’t like to see changes. “We hung out a few times and he’s a cool guy, crazy talented too, but it’s obvious how much more comfortable they are with each other than they are with us. Kinda hurts to know Louis probably likes him more than us, his childhood friends, now, but what can we do, that's life. In a sense, I don’t think Louis would have come back if it wasn’t for Lydia.”

“But… he loves it here?” Harry ends up asking, more than stating.

Niall nods, then stops and shakes his head with clear hesitance on his face. “Dunno about that,” the Irish man admits. “Like, it’s not that he changed after the five years away, but I just don’t expect him to settle down here, you know.”

At those words, Harry really can’t help the groan that escapes him. He flushes immediately when realising the outburst.

“Oh right, you _need_ to settle down, on the other hand,” Niall says, and it sounds like he is holding himself back from laughing.

“Does everyone know about the clause?” Harry groans.

“Kind of,” Niall replies and wheezes for a few seconds as he tries to continue talking. Liam sighs, knowing Niall won’t be able to.

“Lydia isn’t exactly a secretive person. And the reason why Niall is currently dying of laughter is because some people started fighting over who would manage to make you decide to settle down with and it, uh, created—”

“Quite a shit show!” His husband interrupts him. “You should have seen the fight that broke out at our last dinner party! All those fuckers who used to look down on us in school suddenly caring about this fully knowing there is a lot of money involved. God, I hate people.”

Well, that further encourages Harry to really get out of here as soon as he can.

Liam shakes his head as Niall continues to tire himself while laughing. “It’s not like you can do much about that clause, can you.” Harry nods. “Unless you’ve met someone?” Harry shakes his head. “In ten years seriously?”

“It wasn’t really my priority.” _Or you haven’t properly moved on, ironically_ , a voice which strangely sounds like Niall’s accuses in the back of his mind.

“You were such a people pleaser before, I find it hard to believe you suddenly became a loner,” Niall, the real one, comments, a bit breathless still. He doesn’t actually sound accusatory, just curious.

“The landscapes and the local foods were quite distracting.”

That makes the Irish lad snort. “Fair enough.”

“Say!” Liam exclaims, eyes suddenly lighting up and Niall and Harry share a look. That’s Liam’s _‘I’ve got an idea and it might go terribly’_ face. “You saw Louis again, right?”

“Um, yeah?”

“You’re telling us or asking us here,” Niall says.

“Telling myself, because I didn’t expect that,” Harry confesses. “He was… so calm and offered help if I wanted to talk about, y’know, everything happening.” He still can’t quite name it.

“He’s probably the best person to talk to about that, that’s for sure.”

There is a heavy silence after Liam’s words and Harry closes his eyes, feeling his heart sink at the reminder. Two years before he left, Louis’ mother was diagnosed with cancer. It was abrupt, unfair, and a few months later they were already saying their goodbyes to each other. Even though Jay was like a second mother to him, Harry felt like intruding in the room as Louis held on strongly to her hand. He felt even worse when he found himself alone with her just for a few moments and she just asked him to keep her son safe and happy for her and he nodded yes. He promised.

But at that point, he already felt restless in this town. Gemma had left a few weeks earlier to attend college in Manchester which made him wonder why he didn’t do the same. He promised. And he wanted to keep the promise, he truly wanted to, from the bottom of his heart.

But with their differing desires for the future, Louis couldn’t be happy with Harry. But now he learns that Louis has travelled a lot as well in the past decade, sure, for work mostly, but still. It makes him wonder if they weren’t as good at communicating with each other as they thought they were… or if he hadn’t listened to Louis enough, too preoccupied with his own dreams.

“You know,” Liam muses, at last, bringing Harry back to Earth. “maybe you two can reconnect.”

 _Over our grief? That’s kinda odd_ , Harry wants to answer sardonically, but instead, he shrugs.

“I agree, actually,” Niall says. “He’s probably the only person who can understand and he knows Lydia and you two have a past so if you happen to get along well again, I’m sure she’ll be more than thrilled. I mean she was pretty gutted when she learned you and Louis broke up so suddenly.”

Harry hums as an idea begins to slowly grow in his mind. “I’d still need to get married according to her clause, though, so it wouldn’t solve that particular problem.”

At that, Liam snorts, prompting the two others to send him confusing looks.

“You don’t care about the money, I know for sure, you don’t even need it,” the teacher casually throws out there. “It’s something else you want out of this situation now that you know a certain someone doesn’t hate you as much as you thought they would, am I wrong?”

Harry doesn’t reply, neither confirming nor denying such ridiculous assumptions.

“I don’t think he’s aware of it himself, babe,” Niall comments.

“Shut up, the both of you.”

“No!” they both exclaim with a saccharine smile. But for real, Harry has no idea what they are on about.

-: ✧ :-

It takes a week before he finally decides to go talk to Louis about this idea, and it has also been a week at home with his mum, avoiding the topic of Lydia’s sickness altogether which started to frustrate him greatly. It also takes that week for him to mentally prepare himself before seeing his once forever home again, but in a new and different light, surely. From the outside, the house hasn’t changed a lot if you ignore the once empty and neglected front garden that is now filled with colourful bushes and flowers. Harry is quite impressed, really, as he feels like the red and white roses all around the garden form some sort of pattern if viewed from above but he doesn’t really have the time nor the desire to find out at the moment so he simply makes his way towards the front door.

The door, however, is like the last time he faced it, with the same simple wooden doorplate with “welcome” engraved on it that Dan, Louis’ father at the time — he has no idea if he is still in the picture as he hasn’t dared to visit the Tomlinsons’ house in the past week — made for them. He takes a deep breath and then finally rings the bell.

He doesn’t know what he expected, but it was not for an unfamiliar face to greet him. Tanned brown skin, long slicked black hair, earrings and hints of tattoos on his currently exposed collarbones; it doesn’t take a lot for Harry to connect the dots and assume this is Zayn standing before him, just a couple of inches smaller than him. He can indeed see why Lottie was fawning over him and also why Louis must have easily befriended the guy just by looking at him, he seemed like one of those guys Louis constantly used to have a crush on before they started dating.

“Oh, you must be Harry,” the stranger says, friendly brown eyes looking Harry up and down. Not in a checking-you-out way — Harry would not be interested anyway, despite how handsome the man is — but more in a… judgemental way, despite the warm smile.

“Uh, yeah…” Harry answers.

“Doctor Malik, or well, Zayn Malik,” the guy introduces himself, smile still on his lips. “Nice to meet you, Harry.” However, when the doctor extends his hand for Harry to shake, Harry’s eyes can’t help but stay fixed on the black ring adorning the guy’s ring finger. A ring that is awfully similar to the one he spotted on Louis’ hand the day before. _It doesn’t make sense_ , Harry repeats in his head. _This can’t be a coincidence, why would Lydia insist that he gets back with Louis if this fucking ring exists?_

Zayn seems to notice as well as he awkwardly retracts his hand when he comes to the conclusion that Harry isn’t going to move at all. “Right,” he coughs. “Um, Louis is upstairs?” It sounds more like a question than a statement but neither of them comments on it.

Harry only nods and just walks past Zayn, mentally slapping himself for the quite rude introduction. He’ll apologise and make up for it later, now he needs to speak to Louis.

-: ✧ :-

The house… is filled with plants, is the first thing Harry notices as he takes his sweet time finding the stairs to admire the changing decoration instead. It’s a little overwhelming actually, as he feels like he could accidentally knock over one at every step he takes. Eventually, he finds Louis’ room. Because Louis himself is standing there, leaning against the doorframe while crossing his arms.

“For someone excited to meet him, you sure were rude to Zayn just now,” the nurse says and oh, he saw that. “Come on let’s talk.”

Harry would have apologised if he wasn’t too stunned by both the decoration and Louis’ impeccable hearing capability. So instead, he simply follows Louis to his room, closing the door behind them. It takes one look around for Harry to realise Louis’ room now is what used to be _his_ room. Louis seems to notice the realisation down on Harry’s face because he coughs to gain his attention again.

“So, what brings you here?”

“So much,” Harry answers. “You said if I needed to… I could talk to you about… you know.” Louis’ whole demeanour softens as he gently leads Harry to sit down on the bed with him. “Tried to talk with mum but she just… you know, would rather not. Which I get it… I may be soon losing an aunt, but she’s losing her sister.”

Louis hums. “Well it does make sense, we concluded it was terminal only recently. And we don’t know how much time might be left, so even preparing for the loss and the goodbyes is an uncertainty right now, to process everything is a challenge in itself.”

Harry is a little impressed by Louis’ calm demeanour he is exhibiting right now, though he shouldn't be since he is a nurse now. He remembers how horribly the topic of death used to affect Louis. He would shake at the mere thought and just avoid the topic altogether. So, naturally, when Harry learned Louis started medical school soon after he left he was left speechless, and he worried this choice of career would only hurt him even more.

Turns out he was wrong. Louis seems… happier. Or at least, more in control of his own life.

“How do you deal, with that?” Harry asks finally when he wills himself to stop playing with his fingers. He knows Louis to be extremely emotional which was one of his concerns when he learned his career change plan. _You still didn’t call to check in yourself, though._ Harry shakes off the voice.

“The plants,” Louis replies as he nods towards a bunch of hanging succulents by the window. “Guess it compensates for the lives I couldn’t help.”

“There are… a lot.”

“It comes with the job, I’ve seen some shit.”

And that… that is like a slap on Harry’s face because with that simple sentence he realises that a missed a huge part of Louis’ life that shaped him.

“Okay, to be honest, a lot are just me giving in while shopping too,” Louis admits with a small chuckle, pointing at a hanging terrarium by the bedside table as an example. “Zayn is afraid I might just end up bringing in a stray cat one day. Though a cat is probably a bad idea with all these plants around.”

“Aren’t you more of a puppy guy?”

“Fizzy got a cat two years ago when she moved to London and I am man enough to admit that the little ball of fluff has my entire heart. I also love birds but I’m not home enough and these fuckers are needy.”

Birds… Louis used to be scared of birds.

“It’s just— after losing mum,” Louis starts again, approaching a quite big and impressive houseplant next to the TV. He starts fiddling with the leaves as he continues, “I learned that facing grief head-on was a better approach than avoiding talking about her death. At least, for me. The thing is, it's a process. I mean you were there when she died, I wasn't coping the best way, avoiding the topic and thinking I was okay until I would break down when it became too much. It was a slow process and now I know I'm okay, it's been over ten years. But it took so long for me, Harry. Sometimes I would go on with my day and then remember something about her while looking at like, a _chair_ , and just cry, overwhelmed.”

“I see…” Harry doesn’t quite know what to think. He hasn’t lost Lydia… yet, and he, as well as Zayn and Louis, don’t know how long they still have together. Could be weeks, could be months, could be years. No one knows and it’s so scary.

“This one’s hers, by the way,” Louis muses, hands gently hovering over the bright orange flowers the plant possesses. “It’s a strelitzia reginae, or, well, a bird of paradise. It’s pretty, isn’t it?”

It is, Harry agrees, it’s also taller than Louis himself, which is quite amusing and makes him smile a little.

“It is. Do you just… plan which plant you’re gonna buy? Is there some significance?” Harry asks, genuinely curious.

“Mum’s the only exception, she’s the first one, after all. As you probably know I don’t get to know any patient personally so I can’t really choose a plant that could fit their personality or something…”

“And Lydia?”

Louis makes a face then lets out a chuckle. “She is damn vocal about how she is still alive and kicking right now so she said that if I already buy a plant in her name she’ll haunt me.”

“Ah,” Harry laughs, “that does sound like her.”

“Yeah.” Louis is now playing with his ring finger, in an odd nervous manner. Harry stays silent for a few beats of silence, taking in the subtle ray of sunshine bathing half the room in a warm light. It is a lazy Sunday afternoon and given how small the town is, he assumes even in normal days, Louis and Zayn usually don’t really drown with work the way they would in the capital. Harry briefly wonders what they do, together, when they have nothing else but each other’s company. Harry and Louis used to simply cuddle, listen to a playlist one of them made the day before, and then judge or dance to it, depending on their mood. That was their thing, Harry thinks, so Louis and Zayn must do other things. Maybe they’re more into movies, or into art? Zayn looks like the artsy type, but Louis used to have a peculiar distaste for art students back in the days, claiming he could not stand their pretentious stances and “quirky” behaviours. Has that changed too?

How much has changed?

“By the way…” Harry starts, hesitant. “What’s with the ring?”

A look of recognition flashes on Louis’ face as he looks down on his left hand as if the shiny ring decorating his fourth finger just appeared in front of him, as if he just remembered that, yes, he’s got a fucking ring on the finger usually indicating he has promised to spend the rest of his life with another person.

“Oh…” Louis whispers. “That ring means nothing. Well, not _nothing_ , it means a lot to Zayn, but not in the way you’re thinking right now. I’m not married or anything, besides Zayn Tomlinson or Louis Malik sounds weird.”

Harry makes a face. It really _does_ sound weird.

“It just keeps people at bay,” the smaller man continues with his explanations. “Haven’t had the desire to find someone in the past years and Zayn hasn’t as well so it’s just beneficial for us all if people assume we’re married since we spend so much time together anyway. Only close friends and family know about it. Of course, it was kind of more useful in London than here but I uh… got used to the ring being here and it just comforts me after… you know.” _You rejected me and then fled the country_.

“I’m sorry.” _Such empty words._ Niall’s voice seems to be stuck in his head as his voice of reason, apparently.

“Save it,” Louis replies curtly. “Why do you mention that anyway?”

Harry winces, not really sure he should go on about his original idea to please Lydia with the sudden change of atmosphere around them. Louis’ posture is much more guarded, rigid, and his eyes do not hold the softness they had while looking at him a few moments prior.

“Well— I originally figured we could… with how passionate Lydia is— and like— you’re the only person I ever saw myself settle down before, I thought we could, um, kind of pretend to be back together? But then I saw the ring and I just assumed—”

The glare Louis sends him is fucking deadly so he shuts up immediately.

“I said I’d be here to listen if you needed someone, not to concoct some harebrained scheme,” Louis accuses.

“I’m kind of desperate and I just want Lydia to be happy,” Harry poorly defends.

“And so what? You fulfil the wish of a dying woman and then immediately breaks it once she dies?”

“It’s what she wants,” Harry sighs, ignoring the pang in his heart that this accusation gave him. “She says she only wants me to settle down but the truth is she wants us to get back together, she made it pretty clear.” Louis’ eyebrow twitches at that as he wills his face to remain neutral. “And I don’t have the heart to tell her that will never happen.”

“Well, tough shit, because I’m not one to lie to my patients.” Louis grimaces as he says so as if remembering instances that could contradict his words. “Look— all she truly wants is for _you_ to be happy, and not _pretend_ to be. You’re barely thirty, you’re not late or anything, don’t feel pressured by her, as sweet as she is.”

“But everyone else…”

“Everyone else found their place and settled down because they found the one whose plans aligned with theirs, it just so happens they found them early on. You have not, but you’ve got time and maybe you don’t need to either, it’s not for everyone after all. I’m sure if you just told her that, she’d understand and change her will.”

And realistically, Harry knows Louis is right, he always goddamn is, but he also doesn’t know Lydia or how stubborn she can be, no matter the situation since she has always been more lenient with Louis. If she has a plan, she will stick to it and he knows, for sure, that she will until her last breath.

So Harry shakes his head. “She won’t, and the both of us know it,” he assures even though Louis isn’t looking at him anymore. He knows Louis is aware of that with the way his shoulders slump back in a sort of defeat. “Just think about it, Louis, please.”

“I have and it’s a resounding no, Harry.”

“It would be so easy, though,” Harry insists, hanging on to the familiar feeling he’s been bathing in ever since he came back… as if he never left. Outside of Niall, and the fact that Zayn is new, everyone has welcomed him back so easily despite all the changes.

“Would it?” Louis’ voice sounds distant, all of a sudden, yet he still humours Harry with a slight eyebrow raise.

“It would,” Harry confirms, walking forward as he gently takes his once lover’s hand in his. He feels Louis flinch ever so slightly and he ignores the pang it gives his heart again. “You and I… is all we’ve ever known, right?”

Louis looks at him, blue eyes scrutinising him, a hint of distrust finally settling there. A distrust that should have been there as soon as they met again really and Harry holds back a gulp, not breaking the eye contact.

“You’re telling me, in those ten years you never even slept with someone? While travelling the fucking world? _You_?” Louis asks, clearly sceptical.

Harry grimaces at his tone. “Well— I _have_ , but no relationship. I could ask you the same thing. You’ve always been the only one.”

“You can’t say shit like that right now when you just told me you don’t see us ever getting back together.”

“It’s still the truth. I might not see myself ever settling down in this… lost village or whatever but I know you were the only one I ever loved and felt like I could do that with, even with how young we were.”

“Alright shut up.”

“Louis—”

“Shut it will you?!”

It’s Harry’s turn to flinch away though he keeps a firm grip on Louis’ now trembling hand. Louis has never been one to lose his temper, at least genuinely as he has just now. In fact, out of the two, Louis was always the calm one in their relationship, level-headed and rational, Harry was the opposite, letting himself be driven by emotions most of the time. He was the more jealous one, the one who loved big, exaggerated love gestures, some might say he was also the braver one as he was the one who encouraged Louis to officially announce they were dating to a town of rather close-minded people by just… kissing him in the middle of the farmer’s market.

Right now, though, Harry feels like he’s pushed the boundaries a little too far.

“I just don’t…” Louis begins then stops himself as he backs away, forcing Harry to let him go. “I refuse to waste my time, Harry.” He sounds defeated as he runs a hand through his hair. “I just spent ten years trying to forget you, and the humiliation I felt. But then, I come back here, I get assigned to Lydia and she keeps insisting we should be back together and it fucking pisses me off because she has no idea what you did.”

And no, _no no no no_. Louis is crying and Harry is frozen in place, not sure what he should or is allowed to do now. When he takes a step forward, Louis takes a step back, furiously shaking his head.

“I don’t— I don’t have the heart to tell her about… everything… but I— don’t think I can even pretend to love you again,” Louis manages to let out in between small sobs, rubbing his eyes angrily. “I want her to be happy too when she passes, I would _love_ to help, that’s my whole fucking job, I can swear that to you, but I’m not as good as you at pretending I care for someone.”

“I’ve always cared for you,” Harry tries to argue, but his voice is small, as if not so sure himself of that statement because _has he_? With the way he just left without any regards?

“That’s why you ghosted me but still kept in touch with Liam, right?” Louis laughs bitterly. “Get out.”

“Louis—”

“I said get out. It was a lovely discussion while it lasted, now get out.”

Even though Harry wants to protest some more, he stops himself from doing so and silently nods, turning around and trying very hard to ignore the loud groan of frustration he hears behind him as soon as he closes the door. His heart feels heavy, guilt overtaking his whole being and all of the sudden, these past ten years travelling and discovering the world, didn’t quite feel worth it anymore.

As soon as Harry goes down the last step, Zayn appears from around the corner, seemingly about to head upstairs, a frown on his face and hands rolled up in frustrated fists. Their eyes meet briefly and Harry swears there is something close to a challenge in the brown of the man’s eyes.

“I suppose I don’t have to show you out,” the doctor says in a snappy tone and doesn’t wait for an answer, swiftly passing next to him and running up the stairs.

Harry huffs to himself. “No, thank you,” he whispers sarcastically.

He feels like they will take turns being rude to each other like that.

-: ✧ :-

“That was bold of you,” Liam tells him the next day. “You made him cry.” There is a hint of anger in his voice which Harry winces at. Liam has always been more protective of Louis, despite the fact that the latter is older than the both of them.

“To be fair, it isn’t that hard, he’s always been a crier…” he mumbles in response and gets a smack on the back of his head.

“Don’t be fucking rude.”

“Don’t swear in the library,” Harry retorts, rubbing his skull. He’s not sure Liam is aware of his own strength.

“It’s not a goddamn church, what’s the correlation anyway,” Liam huffs. “But back to your buffoonery. What made you think it would be a good idea?”

“I don’t know,” Harry whines, slouching against the table, forehead now pressed to it. “I thought he’d understand.”

“Mate, you’re asking the guy whose proposal you rejected ten years ago to fake marry you to please your aunt and get your inheritance. In his place I would have been like, well shit Harry should have said yes before then so fuck you now.”

“… When you say it like that…”

Liam sighs. “Listen, Louis is pretty forgiving—”

“Is he?”

“I know him better than you now so shut up for one second!” Liam snaps and that does get Harry to shut up but also glare at him. Liam doesn’t look the slightest bit guilty, and he should not be in the first place, Harry guesses, he is bitter and feels like all of the sudden, the world is turning against him, so sue him for sulking.

“You also said it would be the occasion for us to connect again, look how that turned out.”

“I had no idea you would kind of fake propose to him!” Liam groans, clearly growing gradually more irritated with Harry. “Listen, mate, I love you and I used to feel fucking lucky that of all people here I was the only one you bothered to keep in contact with.”

“I wouldn’t say ‘bother to’ though that sounds so bad…” Harry comments.

“It feels like that, sometimes you didn’t sound like you wanted me there to remind you where you come from,” Liam counters, a slight bit of bitterness slipping through again. Harry wonders if both Niall and Louis have influenced him on this part. “Anyway. It’s just— I know you’re not exactly in the best headspace right now but that’s… shitty of you.”

“Yeah, I get that! How do I fix it, Liam?”

“I don’t know! You and Louis were the ones everyone went to for relationship advice if you forgot!”

“Advice, ugh, all Louis ever said was that communication is key and after a while, it sounds like a broken record.”

“That’s presumptuous of you to say that for someone whose relationship ended on a bad note _because_ you didn’t speak to him about your feelings,” Liam shoots back, suddenly sounding extremely upset and discarding any restraint he had before. Harry stares at him, wide eyes. The teacher stops to take a deep breath and then shakes his head. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Harry replies immediately. “You’ve got every right to be mad, don’t know why you didn’t do that when I told you what happened. You and Louis— there was always something there that I was so jealous of back in the day.”

Harry met Liam first in a math class meanwhile Louis and Liam needed more time to get along… but once they did, they seemed untouchable together. Where Louis and Harry were sometimes scared of being too affectionate with each other when they hadn’t come out yet, Liam never was hesitant to support Louis loudly during his football matches or hug him and carry him around literally any chance he got. For a while, people even thought _they_ were dating and Harry was the one who introduced them, which couldn’t be farther from the truth but Louis always connected so deeply with people in a way Harry never was able to.

Proof being how now Harry only has Liam on his side while everyone else feels like either a stranger or a foe.

“Because I know you regret it and you also deserve a second chance,” Liam replies at last. “It’s not like you were supposed to know what your life was supposed to be at twenty-two I mean— look at Louis he went from Theatre Major to Nursing school when you left.”

“Can’t say I’m any close to figuring it out now, though,” Harry whispers to himself but he knows it is clear enough that Liam hears it.

“No offence mate, but now is not the time for a mid-life crisis.”

“Fuck off.”

“Don’t swear in the library!”

Harry takes Liam’s pen without any warning and aims for his forehead.

-: ✧ :-

His mother isn’t of any help either. To be fair, she isn’t handling everything happening very well. As soon as Harry mentions Lydia, Louis or Zayn, she immediately shuts off and leaves the room. Robin, his new step-father he actually hasn’t gotten the time to get to know in the past decade — has been of much greater help.

“One thing I don’t get,” Robin starts, “is why it bothers you so much?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed… but all this time complaining to me, your main concern is hurting Louis and how to seek forgiveness, but not about Lydia’s clause.”

“I mean…. His feelings do matter a bit more than a bunch of money and two houses…” Harry says, not really understanding where Robin was going.

“Obviously, he’s a brilliant young man and if you weren’t my stepson I would side with him here.” Alright, that doesn’t help Harry to feel better about his actions now. “But what I mean is that you keep saying you’re not staying anyway. So what’s the point? Getting Louis back and then leaving him again?”

Said like that… said like that it really is a dick move. Again. Is this truly the summary of his life?

“No… this time I would want to make things right and still keep in touch. I was scared ten years ago he wouldn’t let me go so I just left without a warning but now I realise that twenty-two year old me was a fucking idiot.”

“Still is if you want my two cents on that,” Robin adds on with a shrug and a small smile.

“Hey now! I’ve been beaten down enough by Liam. And Louis. And Niall. And even Zayn.” God that's a lot of people.

“Well, you needed it, son,” Robin laughs, patting Harry’s back. “You want to make up for it? Swallow your pride and give the boy some flowers, preferably with thought-out meanings for the choice of flowers.”

“Would that really be enough?”

“Obviously not, you can’t gain someone’s trust back this easily after ten years,” his step-dad huffs out. Harry groans. “Sorry buddy, but this is a good reminder of what life is. You’ve been able to go around the world with little to no concern of who you leave behind because you will never see them again but in the end, you can’t really forget where you come from and the people who shaped you.”

“Really feels like Lydia put that clause in her will specifically to teach me a lesson, not because she wants me to settle down,” Harry mumbles bitterly.

“Sounds like her,” Robin admits.

It actually doesn’t, Harry thinks back. Robin doesn’t know Lydia as well as Harry does and she has never been someone to go to such extents only to put someone in their place. It might be naive to think so, but Lydia probably only wants for him and Louis to, if not get back together, at least have a conversation. He doesn’t doubt that in his time away, Louis must have confided in her a lot. While he kept the whole failed proposal thing a secret it seems, he must have talked about his other love life issues.

And from what Harry gathered, Louis hasn’t found any luck in the love side of life either in the past ten years. Well. Zayn excluded he guesses. He internally groans at the reminder of the existence of the doctor, still doubting nothing ever happened between them and he doesn’t know why but it doesn’t sit well with him.

It sure doesn’t help that they live together in the very house that is supposed to be his and Louis’—

“Continue frowning like that and you’ll get wrinkles earlier than you’d like,” Robin’s voice brings him back to earth.

Harry groans, ignoring his step-father rolling his eyes. He feels like a teenager again, except he has a dad now. So, that is an improvement.

“I really pissed him off Robin.” That’s an understatement, actually.

“And you’re gonna have to face him and hope he’ll go easy on you. That’s really all you can do.” A pause. “Do you still have feelings for him?”

Harry chocks on his own saliva, causing him to cough for the next thirty seconds under the amused eye of his step-dad. Yep, back to being a teenager.

“Even if I do,” Harry deflects, “he’s got his life together and has clearly moved on.”

“And you haven’t.”

“Dad— I mean Robin— I mean, oh whatever.”

“Gosh, it’s only been a week and a half since you’re here and I’ve already earned the dad title? It took Gemma a good couple of months, I need to prepare my dad jokes now,” Robin gushes and it is Harry’s turn to roll his eyes though a smile threatens to tug at his lips.

He managed to change the subject. He doesn’t have time to think about so-called feelings, he needs a plan.

-: ✧ :-

He doesn’t find a plan. In fact, a whole new week passes in which Harry avoids Louis, Niall and even Liam while he tries to figure out what to do to get forgiven by Louis, to get Niall’s trust back and to grant his aunt’s dying wish. All he’s found in the past week is all the ways to avoid Robin’s puns, how to say no to Lottie who insists on giving him free cupcakes whenever he passes by the café — which, in itself, should be a bad business move of some sort, shouldn’t it? — and found a job at the very library he was arguing with Liam in.

So at least he doesn’t spend most of his days bored out of his mind — even if arguably he doesn’t do much in the library either and it is very quiet so sometimes the want to nap is a bit too strong, but it is something that fills his free time.

“Honey?” Anne calls him from the living room as Harry happens to come home after one of these uneventful days at the library. “Is that you?”

“Depends, you’re asking for Robin or me,” he answers because he has heard his mother call the both of them ‘honey’ and it is a little confusing. He goes straight to the living room then, finding his mother as she finishes to wrap up something.

“Oh Harry, perfect,” she greets him, immediately putting the gift in his hands. Harry blinks, confused. “This is for Lydia, would you mind going to hers right now? I have to go back to work.”

Harry gulps, already anxious at the idea of a certain someone being there. He did feel guilty for not visiting Lydia for the past week when the reason he is back in the first place is to spend time with her… but fuck it if his bruised ego and guilted mind did not prevent from doing just that. “Um, can’t it wait?”

“Not really no, you know your aunt,” Anne dismisses.

“What even is in there that’s so urgent?” And why does it feel like he serves as some sort of delivery boy? First Lottie’s cupcakes, now whatever this package is.

“A bunch of old pictures from when we were younger. I think Eric appears in some of them.” Harry nods, biting his lips. Eric was Lydia’s first and only love. He wonders if the man knows about Lydia’s condition — probably not what with him having a life of his own in Malta. “He was really good for her, you know?” Anne muses. “So understanding when she decided to pursue her dreams, he wanted to wait for her to come back, actually.”

“Oh, you never told me that.”

“You never asked and I never told Lydia, afraid she’d feel bad for leaving for so long, and I don’t think she needs that right now.”

“Understandable…”

“Anyway, he was willing to wait, despite Lydia replying only scarcely to his letters. I think she still has those, somewhere…” She sighs dreamily.

“And so, what happened?” Harry prompts her forward.

“Well, he met someone, obviously,” Anne says, “ironically enough, a year or two before Lydia came back, so I guess things would have turned out very differently had she come home earlier. He met a lovely girl while he travelled to Sweden for work and it escalated really quickly despite the distance. I used to think it was only because he got tired of waiting, but I realise years later I was just being bitter on my sister’s behalf and that with the way he easily kept a long-distance relationship with that woman, he might have realised Lydia just wasn’t as invested in keeping their relationship alive.”

“But… there was no relationship to begin with in the first place, was there?”

Anne shakes her head slowly. “Yeah that’s the thing, Lydia ended things before she left. She convinced herself he would move on very quickly, and he did, eventually, but pretty late considering the timeframe, so she never really bothered to truly keep in touch with anyone but me. And yet no matter how prepared she thought she was to see him with another, realising it did happen really crushed her.”

“And she can’t blame anyone but herself, huh,” Harry mumbles.

“Well, she tried to move on as well since the travelling did not help. You know how that went.”

Harry just nods — Lydia told him countless times, or rather, complained countless times about the various men she tried to date the next decade following her settling down in town again before completely giving up and be quite happy in her mansion. She never adopted any pet, however, claiming that taking care of herself and her family was time-consuming enough.

“Anyway, I really gotta go now, be a dear and bring those pictures to her and maybe stay for dinner with her?”

“Robin and you plan on going out, aren’t you?”

His mother sheepishly shrugs. Realistically, they both know Harry could stay here and cook for himself now because, despite everything, he is, indeed, a thirty-two year old now and not a helpless teenager without his mother’s guidance in the kitchen. It would be a dick move though to bring the pictures to his aunt and then just dip.

“Like old times alright? You used to like her house more than ours,” Anne chuckles softly. “Alright, I really need to get going now.”

As Harry watches her rush to the door, he tries to ignore the tugging at his heart and the way his fingers feel numb with how strongly he is holding the box.

That whole story felt like a huge warning.

-: ✧ :-

The nervousness and heavy feeling in his stomach come back as Harry lets himself inside Lydia’s house — the door was open and though he did not see any car beside Lydia’s in the driveway, he knows the door wouldn’t have been left open if no one was there.

He, however, did not expect to see Zayn in the kitchen first.

Of course, it is awkward. The two men seem to freeze upon seeing each other, eyes wide and heavy silence settling in between them. A silence that is soon broken by the kettle whistling and providing an opportunity for Harry to hurry towards the living room while Zayn promptly turns around to attend to the tea he is most likely preparing for Lydia and Louis.

Harry finds them simply sharing a conversation in the living room, standing by the fireplace. They don’t notice Harry’s presence at first and they look to be in a rather deep conversation based on Louis’ sorrowful expression as his eyes stay stubbornly on his feet and Lydia’s sympathetic smile as she speaks in a low voice so Harry cannot hear from where he is.

Louis goes to reply but that is when Harry’s clumsy ass really had to shine since with just one step forward he manages to bump his toe into the couch and thus almost drops the box as he lets out a yelp. Both Louis and Lydia jump at the interruption and Harry does not miss the way Louis immediately stiffens at the sight of him.

“Oh, hello Harry um— gonna— gonna just check on Zayn and let you two talk, yeah, good plan,” the nurse mumbles and then rushes out of the living room, completely avoiding Lydia’s questioning gaze and avoiding looking in Harry’s general direction.

Harry puts the box down on the coffee table while Lydia slowly walks up to him with a raised eyebrow. He can already feel the judgement in her movements.

“So, are we going to talk about what just happened?” she demands more than asks really, yet Harry tries his luck as he smiles innocently.

“I’d rather not!” He gets awarded with an unimpressed look from his aunt. “Alright, so that did not work.”

“Absolutely not. Now sweetheart, please do tell…” Lydia starts again, in the same fake sweet tone, “what did you tell Louis, he’s been distant, down and jumpy ever since last week, I thought your reunion with him went well, the fuck happened?”

“It did!” Harry hurries to say, swatting Lydia’s hands away when she tries to reach for his face. “A bit too well in fact, seeing him again felt like I— I never left.”

“So what went wrong?” She sounds genuinely upset and sad now instead of accusatory and Harry already feels bad for the next words about to come out of his mouth.

“I, uh, I may have blurted out I still have feelings for him even after all those years and uh, he might have… flipped out on me?”

She gasps and for a second, Harry is not quite sure what emotion is portrayed by her wide eyes and raised eyebrows up until she exclaims, “That’s wonderful!”

And Harry just stares at her, dumbfounded.

“Excuse me?”

“You finally admitting it to yourself, I meant,” Lydia rectifies. “Not the whole scaring him off.”

“No shit.”

“I’ve been trying to get him to tell me what happened but I should have known you’re easier to pressure into talking.” Harry levels her with yet another annoyed look. He loves his aunt, he really does, but her eccentricity and her meddling with others’ love lives can be a bit much when he needs actual help on some aspects of life.

He quickly looks behind him to make sure neither Zayn nor Louis has come back into the room before gently ushering her to sit on the couch. He sits beside her, eager to change the subject as he grabs the box and puts it on his aunt’s laps. She looks down at it, puzzled.

“Mum told me to bring you this. Your old pictures.”

Immediately, Lydia’s eyes light up and Harry refrains himself from sighing in relief as his supposed feelings for Louis are pushed aside for a moment. _You’re just digging yourself a deeper hole if Louis ever hears of this_ , the voice that sounds eerily like Niall’s says in his head. He pushes it aside too.

“Oh god, that is a gold mine in there!” Lydia exclaims as she opens the box with a wide grin, immediately grabbing the first photo album she can grab. That is when Harry notices there are at least four albums in there which does explain why the box felt kind of heavy after an hour of carrying it around town.

“Are you going to cry?” Harry teases and immediately gets a slap on the back of his head but not from Lydia who is currently going through the pages of memories presented before her, but by Louis who somehow reentered the room without anyone noticing.

“Don’t be rude,” Louis huffs when Harry sends him an incredulous look and the sheer venom in his voice contrasts greatly with his soft and gentle demeanour during their first meeting.

“I was joking…” Harry weakly defends himself, wishing he could just disappear into the floor under the intense glare his ex-boyfriend is giving him.

“What is all that?” Louis asks, shifting his attention to the pictures, quickly making his way to Lydia’s side just as Zayn enters the living room as well, tray in hands with four cups of tea. He doesn’t say a word as he puts the tray down on the coffee table and then sits beside Louis, looking over the man’s shoulder to look at the pictures as well.

Harry feels quite lonely, alone on his side of the couch. He does appreciate the fact that the doctor bothered to make a fourth cup of tea for him, though. Too bad he doesn’t drink tea this much anymore.

“Basically my whole life before I travelled,” Lydia explains.

“You were gorgeous,” Zayn compliments, “still are, obviously.”

Harry wants to roll his eyes but Lydia laughs wholeheartedly, cheeks flushing pink. “You flatter me.”

“He _is_ a charmer,” Louis chimes in with a small smile as he nudges Zayn who huffs.

“Too bad it isn’t of much use since I’m already stuck with you,” the doctor replies to which Louis sticks his tongue out with a giggle.

Harry would very much like to flee the scene. He doesn’t miss the way Lydia subtly sends him a suggestive look before focusing her gaze on the pictures again. She grabs a second album from the box but then freezes as she opens it.

Somehow, Harry knows why even before he gets to see the picture of a happy couple dancing in a familiar garden be the first photo of the album.

“So, that’s Eric,” he can’t help but comment. Lydia nods, sighing longingly.

“I thought I had gotten rid of all of our pictures, of course Anne kept a bunch and put them in photo albums.”

“She knew you’d regret burning them all,” Harry says softly.

“Oh I sure did,” Lydia laughs self-deprecatingly as Louis cocks his head to the side while his eyes scan the various pictures presented in front of him. Zayn, on his part, seems to have lost interest and is now drinking his cup of tea but still keeping an ear on the conversation. “I thought burning the physical copies of my memories would make it easier to forget, but it just made things worse really.”

“How so?” Louis inquires, sounding more than interested in Lydia’s thought process. Harry frowns at that and suddenly wonders what things Louis might have thrown away that reminded him of the very person who dumped him after a proposal.

“It is a part of my life I can never truly forget, and sometimes it hurts because those times are gone but— they are happy memories, for the most part. And as my memory gets fuzzier, having a visual of those happy memories somehow brings back the happiness of those past moments. Burning the pictures felt like a step back because as time went on, it felt like those memories were escaping me. Am I even making sense?” She laughs just as Harry’s and Louis’ gaze meet over her head.

Harry cannot read Louis like he used to, but there is something in those blue eyes, uncertainty, disappointment and longing, maybe, begging him to understand what Louis is thinking somehow without any word. He wonders if his own gaze can convey how lost and conflicted he feels as well.

“You do make sense, auntie,” Harry reassures her as he and Louis keep eye contact for a few more seconds before they both simultaneously focus back on the pictures.

“It will make more sense when you get even older, honey,” she muses, fingers gently caressing every single picture with Eric or Anne on it. “I wonder if it would be appropriate to talk to him one last time before I die.”

That sentence alone completely shifts the atmosphere in the room as everyone, except Lydia, just instantly stiffen. Zayn even coughs on the side as he drinks his tea wrong while Louis, on the contrary, reaches for his cup to have something to do with his hands. Harry, however, is just frozen.

Right. He… he almost forgot about that. Not _everything_ can be like old times.

“It is the one thing I would regret never doing, really,” she continues casually, so casually even, Harry almost gets whiplash. “But I also know it wouldn’t be reasonable. It’s been more than thirty years! And what would I even tell him? Confess to him in my dying breath when he’s got his own family now and probably forgot about me?”

She laughs again but the thing is, it isn’t sad or empty, it’s genuine and Louis, Zayn and Harry blink in confusion at the sheer happiness radiating from the old woman.

“Don’t make the same mistakes as me, kids,” she hums, closing the album firmly.

“We’re… not really kids though,” Louis points out.

Lydia laughs softly again, pinching Louis’ cheek. He yelps but doesn’t even try to get away. “To me, you’ll always be, Louis. And I’ll make sure to tell your mother what a brilliant young man you’ve become.”

“I— um…” Louis gulps, tears visibly building up in his eyes. Harry’s hands hitch to reach for him for some kind of reassurance, but Zayn beats him to it. The doctor gently takes the cup away from Louis’ hands and then simply wraps his arms around Louis’ waist and rests his chin on his shoulder. They are awfully cuddly, Harry bitterly thinks to himself.

Lydia smiles as she cradles Louis’ face now. “Sorry, darling, I shouldn’t have been that blunt.”

“N-no… it’s alright,” the nurse assures, leaning ever so slightly against Zayn’s comforting presence. “I appreciate the thought. I guess I’ll never not be surprised at how… easily you’re handling all of this.”

“I’ve lived a long and fulfilling life. Sure I have a few regrets… but, death doesn’t scare me, what I worry about is the people I will be leaving behind.”

“Lydia…” Harry starts but his aunt isn’t listening to him.

“So, just… promise me to take care of each other when I’m gone?” Lydia asks, one hand reaching behind her to rest on Harry’s knee.

Harry feels uncomfortable, suddenly, and a quick shared look with Louis tells him the man feels the same. That is a promise they both know they can’t, for sure, keep. Yet, Lydia’s eagerness and the whole context of the situation put a special kind of pressure on their morals.

“No offence, Ms Selley, this is a thoughtful sentiment but with how things have gone in the past years, I don’t think Harry nor Louis can promise anything without feeling like they are cornered,” Zayn intervenes, causing Lydia to release a small breath, a smile still on her lips as she nods in understanding.

Harry suddenly likes the guy way more. Then Zayn gently kisses Louis’ neck which has the very obvious effect of calming Louis down and the sympathetic feeling is squashed down again. “I can, though,” the doctor continues, “I think I’ve done a pretty good job at looking after Louis these past five years.”

Louis huffs. “Yeah yeah, whatever you say.”

Harry frowns. _What about me_ , he petulantly wants to ask. He is the nephew here, not Louis.

“You’re a lovely young man, Zayn,” Lydia says. “You’re part of the family too and I sure hope my nephew can put his ego aside and learn to appreciate you.”

“Aunt Lydia!” Harry exclaims, offended and a little embarrassed with how obvious he apparently has been about his apprehension towards the doctor.

“I’m not wrong,” she insists. Harry pouts as Louis lets out a full belly-laugh, catching even Zayn off-guard.

-: ✧ :-

Harry stays for dinner. Zayn and Louis do too. The three of them cook together while Lydia takes a well-deserved nap after Louis gave her her medication. To Harry’s surprise, cooking goes without a hitch, Zayn and him even team up to keep Louis far away from the oven or the stove, and they even talk a bit here and there as the doctor seems to let his guard down a little.

It almost feels like this could become a new normal, Harry thinks, if only the bitter feeling in his lower stomach wasn’t there every single time his eyes fell on those goddamn rings that indicate a special kind of bond between Zayn and Louis that Harry can never truly understand at this point.

Harry decides to stay for the night as well and spend some more time with Lydia to kind of compensate the last week avoiding this very house. Except, Louis doesn’t seem too keen on saying goodbye just yet.

“So,” Louis’ voice startles him while he was looking at the newly framed pictures now decorating the fireplace. “We need to talk.”

Harry slowly turns around. Lights are off now, only the fire behind him allows the both of them to see each other and discern the furniture around them despite the growing darkness outside. Louis looks amused given his poorly hidden smile and his eyebrows twitching like they always do when he is about to be a teasing little shit, which confuses Harry for a moment. He does have some trouble with this weird hot and cold game Louis is playing.

“Where’s Zayn?” he asks instead.

“Out, smoking. Patiently waiting for us to finally have that conversation you should have initiated, yet here I am being the responsible one, as usual.”

Harry wants to huff, except he cannot exactly deny that claim.

“About that, I’m sorry… for like— everything.” It’s a poor apology, really, but he has never been that good with words, Louis was always the one who knew how to properly express his feelings in an earnest manner. Louis doesn’t react though, only raises an eyebrow and that gets Harry alarmed.

“So apparently you’ve still got feelings for me, huh?” Louis says, tone strangely light. Harry completely freezes. “You know you gotta keep your lies straight or you’re gonna confuse yourself.”

“You heard…” Harry groans.

“Nah, she told me right away.” A sigh. Louis finally sounds annoyed. “You’re only getting her hopes up.”

“You too, though,” Harry points out. “If there’s someone she would listen to, it’s you. If you told her this whole thing makes you uncomfortable, she’d stop.”

Louis frowns, looking down as he wraps his arms around himself. “It— it doesn’t make me uncomfortable, is the thing.” And that… that surprises Harry. A lot, actually. “I moved on too, you know,” he assures, unknowingly making Harry’s heart tighten in his chest, “yet, between Lydia, my family and even Liam… it feels like I’m the only who’s moved on from our relationship. They all cling to a past I’ve been trying to get away from for so long and I don’t understand… why they care so much about us. Niall seems to be the only one who gets me, honestly, outside of Zayn, of course.”

Harry can only hum in response, though he still can’t brush over the whole “moving on” thing as he suddenly feels like he is many steps behind Louis. He always has been, really. Louis has always been more mature, wittier, more popular… and everything. Harry blinks as admiration, rather than the familiar bitterness and jealousy, fills his being. He wants to be so sure about his feelings like that too, so desperately and he wants to ask how Louis managed that though he guesses it must have to do with the fact that Zayn is in the picture now and that Louis never truly lost contact with their other childhood friends.

Louis takes a step ahead, head high again, looking straight into Harry’s eyes.

“I don’t like giving in to the pressure, but, at this point, it really feels like it’s the whole world against us.” A long sigh again. “Do you still want us to pretend?”

“Louis…” He is not sure it is such a good idea now, uncertainty and worries eating him up suddenly.

“What? You were all on board a week ago and you’re not anymore? Did you actually confuse yourself in between your lies?”

“Louis.” His voice is firmer now, Harry really does not know where it comes from.

“It would be _so_ easy, you said,” Louis challenges, sarcastic as ever as he keeps getting closer with a determined look. “Neither of us is seeking a romantic partner and this time I know our time is limited and you’ll be gone soon, _this time_ , you can’t break my heart.”

Electricity. This is what the air feels like as Louis stops right in front of him, so close they can feel each other’s breath on their faces. Harry wills himself to stay still despite the sudden urge to just reach forward and even just _touch_ the other man.

“Or have you suddenly realised what a mess it can lead to?” Louis continues.

“You said you wouldn’t be able to pretend. I don’t want you to do something that could hurt you in the end.” _Because of something I did in the first place_ , is unsaid.

Louis levels him with _that_ look. “I’m afraid you’re worrying about the wrong person possibly getting hurt,” he says. “Listen, like I just said, I was— overwhelmed, last time, but I’ve had time to process again and I am over it now.”

“Are you?” The Louis Harry knows is quite the sensitive one and by the way Louis’ eyes waver ever so slightly, he knows that hasn’t changed in the last ten years, at least.

“I just want everyone to get off my back,” Louis deflects, stepping back a little, except Harry follows, grabbing his arm. Louis tenses under his touch and Harry lets him go as if the skin just burned him. “Why are you having second thoughts all of a sudden anyway? I’m offering you an out. Make Lydia happy, get that inheritance then you can fuck off like you always do, except this time we both are aware that you're leaving.”

“I know— it’s just…” It just doesn’t feel like they are talking about the clause anymore but whatever unresolved tension there is between them. A relationship that never got an actual closure. “We’re barely getting along now.”

“When we’re alone, we’re doing just fine around others I think, I mean Lydia believes I’m just being shy around you and my family apparently thinks the same,” Louis argues and again, he is technically not wrong, this day just proved it.

“So… we’re doing this?”

Louis shrugs, suddenly acting disinterested.

“Your call, Curly.”

 _Curly_.

Instead of a verbal response, Harry suddenly takes Louis’ left hand in his. The black ring seems to nag him as the fire’s light reflects its polished edges. He ignores Louis’ curious gaze as he quickly takes off one of his own rings — the rose one —, sliding it on Louis’ middle finger. It is a little large and when he lets go of his hand, Louis has to curl it into a fist so the ring doesn’t immediately fall off.

“We’ll tell them it’s a promise ring, not an actual engagement,” Harry declares, trying to ignore how warm his cheeks feel. Hopefully, it can’t be seen as he is facing away from the fireplace.

“Right… could have gotten me a fitted ring though, my Harry ten years ago was more thoughtful.”

Louis’ tone is light and teasing again. It creates a small smile on Harry’s lips.

“Someday,” he whispers before he even registers it himself.

They both ignore it.

-: ✧ :-

The first few days are awkward, obviously. Both their families are thrilled, however, though Harry did not miss the way Louis’ smile, despite his spectacular acting skills, dimmed a little when Phoebe gushed about how true love finds its way, even if she runs a bit late sometimes. He tried to give him some sort of reassurance like he used to by grabbing Louis’ hand and gently squeezing it in his while sending him a side-smile but Louis did not smile back nor really react at all. In fact, he quickly found an excuse to get away as soon as possible.

For the time being, Harry also moves back in Louis’ house, taking the room that was once _Louis'_ and was turned into a guest room by the two medical professionals. To his surprise, the room remained mainly like he remembers it to look like a decade ago — with just a handful of extra potted plants by the window and of course, new sheets and curtains that were once blue and now are just pure white. Which is arguably a bad choice, Harry thinks, with how easy it can be stained.

“So, how is moving back with the ex-boyfriend turned now boyfriend?” Niall asks while he and Liam are coming over. Zayn and Louis are not here yet, ironically enough, as they both have late shifts at the hospital — or the clinic? Harry can’t keep up. Zayn is the one who actually invited them, which surprised basically everyone and then Louis chimed in saying the three of them would have to cook dinner.

Of course, that did not make Liam or Niall any less excited about hanging out.

“Weird,” Harry answers as he washes the vegetables. “Still adjusting.”

“It feels oddly convenient,” Liam comments.

“Well, you know, sometimes life finds a way,” Harry clumsily replies, earning him another doubtful look from his best friend. Niall, on his part, seems just as suspicious, but surprisingly doesn’t act on it, too focused on what they are cooking.

In fact, he is so focused that he ends up pushing Liam and Harry out of the kitchen under the pretext that they are being too noisy and thus distracting him even though he was the one who initiated the talk about Harry’s current peculiar relationship status.

“Is he… always like that?” Harry asks once they are far enough that Niall can’t hear them anymore.

“Last time he cooked for Zayn and Louis when they came over for dinner, he forgot to season the chicken and Zayn had no trouble pointing it out and saying how bland it tasted. Louis apologised for his bluntness but Niall took it as a challenge,” Liam explains, “which, if you ask me, I am thankful it happened because I never had the courage to tell him before.”

Harry levels him with a look. For once that he can be the one being judgemental, it awfully feels great. “You? Scared of him?”

“Listen you haven’t been married to him for the past seven years.”

“Didn’t expect you to be the more submissive one, ’s all.”

“Don’t assume, asshole.”

“You’re not even denying it.”

Liam only groans instead of replying, so that’s a win for Harry despite the unsettling feeling this knowledge gives him. Actually maybe that isn’t a win, then.

“Enough about me and Niall anyway, let’s go back to you and Louis,” the teacher brings back the subject instead, in a blatant attempt to turn things around.

“Are you all’s lives this boring that all we have to talk about is Louis and I for fuck’s sake?”

“I mean yeah you and I know not much happens in this town,” Liam deadpans. “Even the kids at school are interested.”

“What? How do they even know I exist?”

“Louis replaced the school’s nurse for a trimester once — he left a lasting impression I guess but they are very suspicious of you. Also, some of their parents are our old classmates so like—”

“Jesus Christ.”

Being away made Harry forget how quickly gossip can spread around here. It is easy to forget, really, when for the better part of his adult life now he has been going around always introducing himself over and over again without any expectations or judgements attached to him. He was a simple and fleeting stranger everywhere he went and it might sound weird, but the lack of identity and emotional attachment made Harry feel so _free_. For a while, at least. He has to admit, being back and reconnecting with previous friends and his family has filled something in his heart no landscape could have done.

The gossip and lack of privacy really is a huge downside, however.

“What do you want me to say? We talked, made up and we decided to give it a shot again.”

Liam seems doubtful still. “I just have trouble imagining Louis going into this while knowing you’re gonna leave and a long-distance relationship might be too difficult given his hectic schedule at times, or so he told me. He’s also too romantic and a physical type of guy for that.”

Harry shrugs as nonchalantly as possible. “You might not know him that well after all.”

“Huh, I guess not,” Liam concedes but there is a sad edge to his voice that instantly makes Harry feel quite guilty about this whole situation because Liam is right, actually, but he can’t know that. “Don’t hurt him again, Harry.”

“I won’t! I’ll keep him safe,” he promises and he does intend on doing just that this time around. He’s already mentioned it to Louis that once he is off to explore the world again, he will make an effort to keep in touch now that they have each other’s updated socials and numbers. Obviously, Louis looked pretty doubtful, and Harry could not blame him, but he just had to prove he can be trusted again.

He has already started to do so by, so far, messaging Louis when they are apart during the day. A “good morning” if Harry wakes up after Louis and Zayn have already gone to work, or during breaks, just to ask how the day is going. Harry is just almost always the one to initiate the conversation and it is up to Louis to continue it or not if he wants.

Harry thinks it is a good first step at rekindling their relationship and have another go at this communication thing.

“I trust you to do things right this time, I really do,” Liam assures him with a genuine smile and the words hit Harry harder than expected as he feels tears starting to well up in his eyes. He means to reply with something but then they get startled when the front door opens, signalling Louis’ and Zayn’s arrivals. A quick look at the clock makes Harry notice they are slightly late.

Niall yells from the kitchen that everything is almost ready instead of an actual greeting, prompting Zayn to raise an eyebrow and send an alarming look Louis’ way.

“The kitchen’s not on fire, don’t worry,” the nurse dismisses with a yawn, “good evening by the way,” he addresses Liam and Harry next, eyes purposely boring into Harry’s as the latter seems to have just stopped completely moving as soon as he appeared.

As if on queue then, Harry quickly walks up to Louis before Liam can and wraps him in a tight hug. Louis automatically sighs contently in it — he’s always loved being lovingly squeezed.

“Good evening, you’re a little late, dove,” Harry whispers, ignoring the background noise of Zayn and Liam exchanging pleasantries of their own.

“Sorry, shit happens at work.” Louis doesn’t elaborate, nuzzling his neck for a quick second before making his way out of Harry’s arms to go hug Liam instead. Harry absolutely does not miss how much more comfortable he looks in the teacher’s arms compared to how stiff Louis first was in his.

He tries to not let it get to him — this is just the beginning and he cannot expect Louis to be completely relaxed with him, especially when they are, inherently, just pretending to be a couple and that apart from that, they are not anything else apart from acquaintances that used to be close. Harry might have gotten ahead of himself assuming Louis at least considered them some sort of friends, but it seems that for now he is stuck at the “stranger who knows all my secrets” box.

Harry shakes his head, quickly turning around to go see how Niall is doing in the kitchen when he notices Zayn intensely looking at him again. Harry feels quite intimidated but mostly confused. The doctor probably knows about his and Louis’ arrangement now that Harry thinks about it.

“Do you… want to talk… in private?” Harry asks when even after a moment Zayn still hasn’t said a word.

“No,” the doctor answers, probably sensing Louis and Liam sending them a quick glance, “your shirt’s just buttoned the wrong way,” he continues casually before turning around and heading upstairs, probably to change into more comfortable clothes.

Harry blinks, even more confused, but then he looks down on his shirt and indeed, he has attached every button incorrectly. He hears Louis let out a loud cackle and Liam snort at his predicament. He blushes with a groan, feeling pure betrayal since neither Niall nor Liam apparently bothered to tell him he looked like a mess and goes to rectify this fashion mishap but then two delicate hands stop him.

He startles as Louis is now in front of him, looking down at his shirt with a smile.

“Let me do it,” the nurse says softly, “reminds me of mum’s wedding, good to know fifteen years later you still can’t do this properly.” As he speaks, Louis just effortlessly unbuttons then buttons Harry’s shirt without an ounce of hesitation. Harry, on his part, definitely shivers at the mere proximity between them and at each brush of Louis’ fingertips grazing his chest.

Harry wants to reach out and keep him there but then Louis is already done and stepping away.

“It was like that the whole day, I was working at the library, god I know why those teenage girls kept laughing now,” Harry groans.

“The library?” Louis repeats.

Oh right, he forgot to tell him.

“Margaret was looking for someone to help her so— I stepped in.”

Louis gives him a concerned look and Harry feels like he fucked up something somehow.

“She is also looking for someone to take over the library in the next year or so… did you tell her you’re not staying?” Louis asks.

“Well… no.”

“Harry…”

“What?”

Louis opens his mouth, seemingly to explain why it is such a big deal — because truly, Harry doesn’t get it — but instead, he shakes his head in frustration. He seems to remember Liam is there, watching them from the side because he slips in a smile as he looks back up at Harry, suddenly looking fond instead of pissed.

“Right, we’ll deal with that later,” the nurse announces, “gonna go change too.”

And Harry expects him to just turn around and leave, instead, Louis grabs his hand and starts pulling him towards his room. Harry follows automatically though confusion overtakes his whole body. He hears Liam whistle behind him as they go up the stairs.

Almost as soon as they are out of view in the bedroom though, Louis drops his hand like he had just been burned. Harry’s ego doesn’t take it well.

Louis groans.

“Pretending in front of our friends may be a bit more difficult than I expected it to be,” he says casually as he walks towards his walk-in closet, discarding his current shirt and pants on his way without any thought. Harry averts his eyes immediately, not feeling like he quite earned the right to look at Louis practically naked without getting a shoe thrown his way right now, probably. The temptation is there though but Harry firmly keeps his eyes on the floor.

“You had no issue in front of your family, though?” Harry points out.

“Because they all are rooting for this to work and they have no idea about what I actually feel,” Louis explains as he walks out of the closet in a pair of leggings and a fluffy white sweater. Fuck, he has no right to look this soft while sounding so stern and upset. So instead of Louis’ appearance, he focuses on his words, making him frown in confusion.

They don’t know? It would indeed explain why Lottie was so friendly when they first saw each other again. But it doesn’t match with the Louis who confides everything to his family he knows. The Louis he knows is a family man first and foremost and trusts them above all and else. Especially since almost all his sisters are now adults as well, or about to enter adulthood. As for Mark and Dan… well. Now that Harry thinks about it he doesn’t think he ever heard Louis call any of them ‘dad’ while growing up instead of their name.

“You’re not… you’re not as close to them as you used to, are you?”

Louis huffs. “I still see them at least twice a month, even when I was being transferred a bit everywhere.” A pause. “But no, I’m not.”

“…Why?”

A shrug. “Shit happens, mate. Why did you stop talking to your closest friends?”

He is deflecting. Louis always tends to do that when a topic is making him uncomfortable — he shines the spotlight on something else. Harry is kind of glad that is something that hasn’t changed, at least, because he knows how to handle it.

“Do you want to talk about it? I owe you one.”

Louis looks at him with his arms crossed for a few seconds before he seems to physically deflate as he sighs and drops his arms. Yes, it is this easy.

“There isn’t _much_ to talk about really,” Louis mumbles as he sits on his bed. Harry takes a few tentative steps forward and when Louis doesn’t glare at him for that, he simply sits down next to him. “Lottie’s about to be married, Fizzy moved to London. Phoebe and Daisy are soon off to college too while Doris and Ernest have their own family now.”

“What?” Harry missed something there.

“Dan remarried.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I tried, you know, to be there for them whenever they needed but… they all still had a dad to go to so they preferred to go to Dan or Mark for advice on life and shit and I can’t blame them. Would have loved to have that too, but I didn’t, and the only other person I could ever talk to about everything just left me without a warning,” Louis snarls and alright, Harry definitely flinches away at the clear accusatory tone. “Anyway, it’s just not the same anymore. Not necessarily bad I guess, at least I have some privacy now.”

He doesn’t sound too happy about it but Harry doesn’t point it out to him.

“When is Lottie’s wedding?” Harry asks instead.

“Why?”

“Just curious.”

A silence. Louis stares at him and Harry stares back, just as determined. He still can’t really read Louis’ body language as easily as before but there is an unmistakable flicker of hope in his blue eyes as they seem to try to get into Harry’s mind.

“April.”

That gives them around eight months. Harry wonders if he will still be there by then… if Lydia will still be there to witness it, as well. If he had to guess, Louis doesn’t count on it either with the way he firmly closes his eyes and then shakes his head, as if he just crossed an idea in his mind.

“Come on, let’s get back to Li and Ni, we’ve stayed here long enough for them to think we did something, whatever,” Louis announces as he jumps back on his feet.

Harry doesn’t say a word for a moment, letting Louis put away his previous discarded clothes on the ground in a pile at the bottom of his closet. It is only when he starts to walk towards the door that Harry seems to spring into action again and stops him from opening the door just yet, catching his hand just before it reaches the doorknob.

Louis sends him a confused look but otherwise doesn’t truly protest.

“Hey,” Harry starts softly, “about the whole pretending being a difficult thing in front of them if it gets too much, tell me and we can stop and tell them. They’d understand.” _Would they?_

Louis appears to have the same thought.

“Niall would give me an earful. Liam would be disappointed. In both of us. And Liam being disappointed in me is like, my worst nightmare.”

Harry grimaces at this exact scenario playing in his mind though he also can’t help but roll his eyes at Louis’ dramatic antics. “Still. If you feel uncomfortable, we can stop, you just have to tell me.”

Silence stretches for a few more seconds before a subtle smile finally appears on Louis’ lips. Harry doesn’t get to admire it for long, however, as Louis abruptly turns his head, his fringe falling slightly, hiding half of his face.

“That is sweet, thank you.” Harry’s heart flutters and he cannot help the huge grin hurting his cheeks now upon hearing the genuine gratefulness in Louis’ voice.

Louis doesn’t let go of his hand as he finally opens the door and they make their way downstairs again.

-: ✧ :-

For the most part, Harry observes by Louis’ side how everyone is interacting rather than being an active part of the conversation himself. In fact, he is not even sure he has uttered even a single word once they all settled down to eat. He cannot really help it, he’s always been fascinated by how everyone tends to just gravitate around Louis, no matter the situation. It was like that at Lydia’s too, despite the fact that, really, in a sense, Harry should be at the centre of attention, right? He is the one that has been gone for over a decade and just recently came back and still has to catch up on a lot of things and yet Louis is the one everyone is focusing on and worrying about. From Liam to Lydia, the only exception, ironically enough, has been Louis’ own family who's completely clueless about the real complexity of their relationship and history.

It is weird, he concedes, how at peace this situation makes him feel, a situation that once used to make him feel unseen and forgotten. A lot of things that have happened in the past few weeks made Harry have a new perspective on why his younger self gradually felt the need to leave. Back then, he could not really rationalise the thought, describing it as a deep urge that was gnawing at his skin until he literally flew out of the country but now… now he gets it, even if the bitterness and jealousy have vanished over time, replaced instead with a certain awe as he learns to be around Louis and the others again.

But fuck, he really used to be so jealous of his own boyfriend he needed to break it off and never had the courage to tell him and Harry doesn’t know how he could even bring that up again and apologise when Louis surely has no idea on how he felt — because Harry never told him _because_ he never understood it himself until now that it hits him. Because he knows Louis never was malicious and had his own issues to go through at the mere age of twenty-four back then.

However, shouldn’t that mean Harry should still feel like that? Here he is, back in his hometown, and despite the years behind them, nothing seems to have truly changed. Louis remains the golden boy of the town and Harry is just by his side except now he has stories of his own to tell about the world if anyone was curious enough to ask him about. But no, all that pent up frustration and pettiness his younger self used to feel are gone.

“Harry, love, come back to us!” Louis’ voice shakes him out of his thoughts. Harry startles, now noticing that all their plates are empty and Zayn has started to bring back the dishes in the kitchen while Niall and Liam regard him with an amused smile. Only then does he realise that he has his elbow on the table, head resting on his right palm and gaze right in Louis’ direction who’s looking back at him with a half concerned, half surprised look.

Oh. So he was blatantly staring at Louis while introspecting. Cool. No, not cool actually because he can feel how warm his cheek is getting against his palm. Yet he doesn’t move and smiles in what he hopes is a soft and endearing way.

“Sorry, got lost in your eyes, dove,” he smoothly — or at least he thinks it comes out that way — recovers.

Louis rolls his eyes, almost in a fond way, maybe, to anyone else who isn’t Harry who doesn’t pick up on Louis’ left eyebrow slightly twitching in annoyance, but then Louis kisses his temple as he passes by. The nurse’s hand lingers a little on his shoulder as he fakes whispering something in his ear before he completely walks away to help Zayn carry the dishes back in the kitchen. Harry freezes completely, taken off-guard. So far, he has been the one initiating any physical contact in front of others, but it has always been him holding Louis’ hand or waist. Somehow, a kiss feels like a step above whatever rules they unknowingly established between themselves.

“Mate, you alright?” Liam’s voice, this time, startles him out of his flustered state. “Louis always had that effect on you but damn, you literally zoned out here. Twice.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Harry mumbles in response, standing up as well to help clear the table as well as his inner voice shouts at him again.

 _Not real._ Louis said it, he’s moved on, there are no more feelings between them since they both know this will be over someday. Not that he is looking forward to that day but— this is just _pretending_.

Now he just needs to convince his heart too, apparently, since it hasn’t stopped pounding furiously and his hands are shaking, awkwardly making the plates he is carrying clink against each other. Zayn throws him an odd look over his shoulder but Harry simply puts the cutlery by the sink and promptly makes a beeline towards his own room for a few moments to himself.

After that, the rest of the evening goes surprisingly well. Since apparently Louis is now fancy, he and Zayn only have wine to offer as they settle in the living room and Harry added ‘buying more beer’ to his mental checklist for the next time he will be in charge of doing the groceries. Niall slumps in an armchair and Liam sits on the floor next to his legs. Louis kind of forces Harry to sit on the couch so he can just lie down with his head on Harry’s laps and thus taking up all the place left while Zayn is sat on the arm of the couch, perfectly balanced with his legs crossed as he looks down on Louis’ slightly tipsy state. He looks amused, rather than annoyed, Harry notes.

“You know what, this was fun,” Zayn comments, breaking the silence that has been going on for a while as they all just took their time sipping their wine, “we should do this more often.”

“But Zayn’s cooking next time,” Louis chimes in, “or Harry, I still gotta figure out who’s the best cook.”

“Your spoiled ass now has two men to provide for you huh?” Liam snorts to which Louis replies with an enthusiastic “Yeah!” prompting Zayn and Harry to share a look and actually _smile_ at each other. They are indeed in this together on this part.

“Wait! Are we gonna gloss over the fact y’all are implying my cooking was shit today?!” Niall protests seemingly sobered up by the offence. “I thought I had passed the test!”

“Well it was better than last time,” Zayn concedes, “which isn’t saying much.”

“You’re harsh, were you a food critic in another life or what?” Harry asks.

“Hey no one got food poisoning so at least he’s not on Louis’ level,” Liam interjects, ignoring the way Niall’s jaw drops to the floor in pure betrayal.

“That was _one_ time come fucking on!” Louis whines. “I can make scrambled eggs now!”

“And I’m _so_ proud of you baby,” the doctor mocks him, earning him a kick that almost makes him lose his balance.

“Nope hey back to me!” Niall complains again, even snapping his fingers then clapping his hands when no one even glances at him. Liam fondly rolls his eyes while the three others just send him an unimpressed look. Harry suddenly understands why Liam never complained about his cooking before, it’s not that Niall is scary… He’s fucking annoying when his ego is bruised. “What was missing this time?!”

“I don’t know,” Zayn unhelpfully says, “the vegetables tasted a bit dry and bland. The broccolis were too salty as well. Oh and—”

“You just said you didn’t know and you’re making me a goddamn list!” the Irish man whines. “Liam, defend me,” he continues, nudging his husband with his knee.

“No can do babe, sorry, you know why I cook most of the time,” Liam says, patting the other’s knee, albeit condescendingly.

“Love is dead,” Niall dramatically proclaims.

It gets a genuine loud laugh out of Louis.

-: ✧ :-

Harry is actually the one who suggests they should call it a night an hour or so later. It is barely 9:30 PM but Harry could not help but count how many times Louis has yawned yet tried to hide it.

“Bullshit, I ain’t tired!” Louis protests immediately, pout in place although he betrays himself a second later as another long yawn escape him. The yawn is so strong, in fact, that his whole body just seems to melt in Harry’s arms afterwards.

“Keep telling yourself that dove,” Harry sighs.

“I don’t work tomorrow morning, I can catch up then,” the nurse insists.

“What’s the point if you’re gonna fall asleep in the middle of the next movie anyway, huh?” Harry points out. “Come on, Zayn must be tired too.”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” Zayn confirms, though Harry would argue he sounds more bored than tired. “We should have thought of that when we invited you two,” he continues, addressing Niall and Liam, “we don’t usually have long shifts but Louis’ been trying to get a promotion and he convinced himself it’d be by working more hours than humanly possible and for some reason I got roped into it.”

“Because you love me, love me, love me!” Louis chants, making Harry’s left eye twitch at the L-word slipping so effortlessly from Louis’ lips. “Don’t you sound so accusatory! You’re the one who asked to have the same schedule as me.”

“I regret it now because I have to work tomorrow morning but you don’t.”

Louis pouts. “You don’t have insomnia.”

“You have what?!” Harry exclaims, startling pretty much everyone as he stands up, Louis still in his arms. The latter yelps, glaring at him right after but Harry completely ignores him and starts walking towards the stairs. “All the more reason for you to get in a bed right now and stick to a proper sleeping schedule. For a nurse, you sure still need someone to look after you.”

“Hey, I resent that!” Louis whines. “There’s a reason I keep Zayn around, he’s a doctor.”

“You’re just proving his point!” Zayn exclaims. His voice sounds a bit far away already, Harry has made his way halfway through the stairs.

“I mean, I can’t self-medicate or self-diagnose so yeah I actually need him for that…” Louis mumbles and Harry hums as the only indication he’s heard him.

Once they get to Louis’ room, Harry gently puts Louis down on his bed and then just stands there awkwardly while Louis observes him, pretty confused, but remains silent for a few more minutes as he gets up and goes into his closet again, surely to change into his pyjamas. Harry releases a breath once he is out of sight, a part of him thinking Louis would have gotten mad for the way he just acted.

To be honest, Harry does not know what just happened. He should probably go now and leave Louis be for the night but a part of him is keeping him there to make sure Louis will actually try to go to bed, knowing how stubborn his childhood sweetheart can be.

“You didn’t have to do that, y’know,” Louis’ voice, once again, startles him as he closes his closet behind him, now sporting some loose pants and an oversized graphic shirt and— and Harry might be hallucinating but he’s pretty sure that is one of his old shirts. Did Louis keep most of his clothes? Does Zayn have them? Not sure it would fit him either, actually.

“Uh?” is the only response Harry can mutter, a little distracted.

“The whole overly doting boyfriend you just pulled on them,” Louis further explains, followed by a small yawn. “They’re already convinced, I think, so you didn’t have to bother carrying me and all.”

“I uh— I actually got genuinely worried and protective, for some reason,” Harry admits, scratching the back of his head with a sheepish smile. Louis blinks prettily at him, even tilting his head ever so slightly. “I mean, I was afraid to point it out but you did develop some… obvious eye-bags in the past week or so.”

Louis sighs. “Things… are just a bit busy.” There is something he isn’t telling Harry which makes him frown but he shakes his head. It isn’t important now.

“All the more reason to rest now. We’ll have other opportunities to hang out together again.”

“You’re right,” Louis agrees. “It’s just— tonight felt really good, you know?”

Harry does know, but he wants to hear Louis say it so he stays silent, prompting Louis to elaborate with a hand gesture.

“Ni and Li got along well with Zayn alright but… something was always missing. _You_ were missing,” the nurse smiles softly while looking down, unable to meet Harry’s eyes. Harry feels warm, very warm, and he can’t help but smile as well. “Come to think of it, even before something was missing, maybe it was Zayn.” Harry’s smile drops immediately. Well, it was good while it lasted. “Anyway. Too bad this won’t last so I guess I shouldn’t get used to it,” Louis finishes.

And that… that doesn’t sit well with Harry, despite how true he knows those words are. Even if he stayed, Niall and Liam are still planning on moving to Ireland so their group would be separated all over again. Harry is not sure either what Louis and Zayn plan to do after Lydia, if they plan on staying or moving back to London where life is more interesting albeit a little hectic.

There is no way to go back to how things were.

“Until then— we can enjoy it,” Harry answers and it is such a simplistic statement, but there really isn’t anything else to say here. “Come on, dove, let’s not have a mid-life crisis now, to bed you go.”

Louis laughs and the sound lifts Harry’s heart a bit after the discussion they just had. However, instead of climbing on his bed, Louis starts walking away towards a door next to the closet. Harry blinks, confused.

“Wait where are you going your bed is right here.”

“Harry, I still need to brush my teeth and do my whole before bed routine, that’s the bathroom right there or did you forget?” Louis explains. Harry doesn’t budge. “Harry. I swear I’ll go straight to bed right after.” He still doesn’t move. Louis sighs. “Come on I’m not as stubborn as I used to be, quit with that look.” Harry raises an eyebrow at that statement. “Harry!” The nurse sounds frustrated now and Harry recognises it as his queue to not push it.

“Alright alright, do you have any meds?”

“I do, in the bathroom, now shoo!”

Harry doesn’t really get a choice there as Louis simply pushes him out of his room and then promptly closes the door with a quick “night night!”. So Harry heads back downstairs after one last look towards the door.

When he steps foot in the living room again, he is met with his friends’ wide eyes plus Zayn’s baffled expression as well.

“What?” he asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Louis told me you used to be very devoted in their relationship and shit but I still did not expect that,” Zayn is the first one to speak up. “Anyway, Liam, Niall, goodnight, I’ll be off as well,” he deflects almost immediately, waving goodbye to the couple before jogging up the stairs and leaving Harry with his friends.

Harry suspects he will go check on Louis as well before heading to bed himself.

“Guess that’s our queue to leave as well,” Liam muses. “This was fun.”

“Especially the part where we got to see you be helpless as soon as Louis spoke, brought back good memories,” Niall continues, playfully elbowing Harry’s side who rolls his eyes. “Damn I wouldn’t want to be Zayn, he must be third-wheeling really hard.”

Harry laughs awkwardly. “Yeah, I don’t think he appreciates my presence.”

“Which is quite ironic, this was your house, after all. Technically still is too, I guess,” Liam observes.

“Doesn’t feel like it anymore, really.” Apart from his own room now, it is quite obvious that Zayn and Louis both have a style of interior design they appreciate. A lot of plants, colourful knickknacks here and there, fairy lights, the colour palette staying under the darker shades with a few patches of neutral colours in a few spots and all in all just an organised mess, really. Harry, on the other, prefers more minimalistic and light interior designs.

“Yeah, I wondered, if everything goes well between you and Louis again, what’s he supposed to do? Would be super rude to just kick him out, not that Louis would ever do that anyway,” Liam mumbles.

“Not sure I trust Harry to not do that, on the other hand,” Niall teases but something about the look he sends Harry’s way tells the latter he is not _completely_ joking either.

“Niall, be nice,” Liam admonishes.

“Eh, while I’m at it— I gotta admit I was actually sceptical at first,” Niall admits, ignoring Liam’s warning look and facing Harry, “but you and Louis are so… domestic already.” He sounds confused, unsurprisingly so, because Harry feels just as much confusion in him if he has to be honest.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I thought you two might be faking it for whatever reason but… I don’t know, it’s like y’all just revived an old flame and took off where it was left off. Felt like I was a teenager again there.” Niall sighs, and he looks almost defeated if it wasn’t for the nostalgic and pleased look in his eyes. “Which doesn’t make sense after everything Louis told me.” Oh shit, is Niall actually aware of the failed proposal too? “Or maybe he was just trying to convince himself.”

“Perhaps you just worry too much,” Harry offers.

“No, I’m looking out for a friend who has been hurt,” Niall replies easily. “But you seem to have changed your mind.”

“What?”

“About settling down. You’re already halfway there, honestly."

“Good for you man,” Liam interrupts before he can reply and deny and fuck this up, “we’ll go now, go cuddle your boyfriend to sleep, you know how much more easily Louis falls asleep when he is being held.”

Harry lingers a little at the front door once the couple’s car is out of sight, frowning to himself as he lets, for a few moments, the gentle chilly breeze of a summer night caress his skin and today’s events fall on his shoulders.

Harry quickly stops by Louis’ room to check on him. He finds the other man curled up in his bed, yet still visibly awake, restlessly tossing around. Harry only hesitates for a second before he walks in, prompting Louis to freeze. He chuckles softly and wishes Louis goodnight with a kiss on his forehead, which Louis surprisingly doesn’t call him out on even though they had no one to pretend in front of, it even seems to help him settle down, really.

Just fatigue, probably.

-: ✧ :-

It’s not that the idea of settling down was foreign to Harry. He used to be excited to have a home of his own and be domestic with someone and he was in a relationship with Louis from his sweet 16 to 22, six _fucking_ years, yet the idea of marriage… never appealed to him. It sort of scared him, truly, or maybe he just never found it really necessary to show that love will last.

Or maybe it is linked to the fact that his parents’ marriage didn’t last, nor did Louis’. He doesn’t really want to look too deep into his psyche at the moment all over again. But Louis obviously held different views on the matter and looking back, they _had_ talked a lot about their future together, even with how young they were back then, they talked about having children someday, whether they’d be actual kids or little fur babies, so Harry can see why it might have sent the wrong signals and why the proposal after six years of relationship made sense… and he can see why him turning it down and immediately flying out the country right after could be seen as a douchebag move.

But he panicked and got scared and it was confusing at the time and for some reason, he couldn’t communicate that with Louis when what made their relationship work so well for so long was, well, the fact they told each other everything. Harry would not be able to explain his thought process still if he were asked about it now, though he _is_ starting to piece up the pieces. It was an impulse move. It was kind of stupid. He was young, and very much in love with the world. But also with Louis despite the conflicting feelings he had back then as well.

Perhaps he still is… in love, that is. That much he has come to possibly accept with how his heart seems to cling to any kind of affection the other man gives him. But Louis deserves better than someone who was willing to leave him behind without any consideration. And someone who will, indeed, leave again once all of this is settled as he keeps repeating himself like a mantra.

But fuck it if he isn’t going to make the most of it right now as he eagerly tastes Louis’ mouth. He’s not sure how it happened truly, one moment he was making some coffee and tea for everyone, and the next Louis appeared at the door and like pure muscle memory, Harry bent down and kissed him as a good morning when he approached and then they got pretty distracted from there.

“Harry— Harry hey— hey,” Louis tries to speak, but it is quite hard when Harry keeps pecking his lips and hands are feeling his sides up and down, which also has the probably not intended effect to tickle Louis who has to bite his lips to avoid bursting out laughing.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this,” Harry mumbles just as Louis’ hips hit the kitchen counter and Harry immediately lifts him up into it. It feels all too familiar when Louis just instinctively wraps his legs around Harry’s waist, bringing him somehow even closer. “Let me just—”

“This is very unsanitary,” Louis complains, contrasting greatly with the way both his arms and his legs hold on to Harry like a koala. And Harry, well, he doesn’t like how unaffected he sounds right now so he dives right into where Louis’ shoulder meets his neck and sucks. Immediately, Louis shivers and gasps, involuntarily moving his hips forward.

Harry smiles against the skin as he reciprocates the movement, moaning at the feeling of their clothed crotches seeking release in each other.

“Harry wait shit, the tea—”

“Louis,” Harry groans. “I really don’t think you should worry about that right now,” he continues.

“But it will get cold!” Louis’ voice goes one octave higher and Harry knows he’s getting close. Surprisingly fast. Yet again, he is in no better position and he guesses it has been a while for the both of them.

“Eh, you’re hot enough.”

Louis groans when Harry sneaks a hand under his shirt to play with his nipples. “That was fucking lame, let’s be clear,” he manages to say in between baited breaths. Harry only hums.

“Still so sensitive, that’s cute,” Harry whispers, loving the way Louis never fails to shiver when his fingertips so much as just graze the man’s bare skin. Louis doesn’t reply, the humping intensifying as they both soon reach desperation for a release. Sweat builds up on both their foreheads and Harry is so close but _something_ is missing.

His eyes catch Louis’ dilated eyes and he immediately closes the distance between them, his tongue exploring Louis’ mouth again without a second of hesitation. The long, drowned out whimper the man in his arms lets out is what sends Harry over the edge as he comes undone in his pants with a grunt swallowed by Louis’ mouth. Louis follows soon after as he continues enthusiastically grinding against Harry’s stomach now, careless of how desperate for it he looks, while Harry is still catching his breath, pulling back his head while keeping his hands steady around Louis’ waist, lazily helping him.

Louis’ eyes are closed now as he breathes loudly through his mouth while Harry simply looks at him for a while. He must be a bit dizzy because the sight before him sends him back to his teenage years, even the growing uncomfortable sticky mess in his pants is an oddly sweet reminder of that time, but most of all, Louis’ blissful, clean-shaven face makes him long for that simpler time that seems so within reach at the moment.

He means to say something when Louis appears to be settling down and slowly opening his eyes to meet his gaze, unsure yet satisfied, when a loud groan resonates in the kitchen— except it doesn’t come from either Louis or Harry and the sound is made of pure annoyance rather than pleasure. Harry jumps back while Louis yelps, literally pushing Harry away as well and they both direct their gazes towards the kitchen’s door where Zayn is standing with an unimpressed look on his face.

“I got an early shift, I don’t need that shit right now,” the doctor complains, walking in between them carelessly and steals the cup of coffee Harry previously made for himself and then forgot was even there. He doesn’t protest as Zayn immediately takes a sip and leaves the room promptly. Welp. Harry hopes he likes milk in his coffee then.

“Ah, the coffee was still hot then,” Harry says out loud while Louis jumps down the counter and reaches for his half-made cup of tea that was forgotten in their make-out session. The nurse pouts.

“My tea isn’t.”

Harry huffs a smile, immediately pinching his — ex? — boyfriend’s cheeks to make him smile again. “I’ll make you another.”

The wide smile that graces Louis’ lips feels like the most amazing reward he could ever receive in exchange of a simple cup of tea.

-: ✧ :-

They don’t talk about it. Of course they don’t fucking talk about it. But it keeps happening after that and Harry is not really proud of the fact he is the one initiating it almost every single time. To be fair though, Louis never puts up a fight either, body willingly going limp as soon as Harry grabs his wrist and presses him against the nearest wall to have a taste of his lips for the day. Louis has always had a thing with being manhandled, breath always hitching when larger hands wrap around his oh so delicate wrists and Harry cannot explain the sheer joy he feels knowing that is a thing that hasn’t changed about his Louis.

 _Not yours_ , he reminds himself. _Not anymore_.

It isn’t like they are doing much, anyway, because that is the other confusing thing: they only kiss. They probably have made out against every single wall of the house — minus Zayn’s room, actually — but as soon as things get heated up, Louis somehow musters the strength to pull Harry away and they go on with their days.

It hasn’t even been a full month yet of pretending and Harry feels like some boundaries weren’t properly set and now the line is blurred.

His aunt is absolutely delighted, however, so there is that going for him at least.

“Harry honey, that ring is gorgeous!” Lydia exclaims, admiring the tiny piece of jewellery still in its navy blue velvety box.

“I know,” he says softly, eyes fixed on the ring as well. “He deserves the best.”

And he does, Louis really does. Even if it’s to play pretend.

Lydia laughs. “But will it be enough to replace Zayn’s ring?” she muses, taunting and it definitely manages to make Harry frown in frustration at the reminder.

“I’m not— I’m not going to give it to him now it’s… too soon.”

When it comes to outside their inner circle, not much has changed, really, since words travel fast and pretty much everyone in the town already knows that he and Louis are back together now so they don't have a lot of work to do to convince the town, surprisingly, though Harry should question why it is a reality that everyone accepted so easily. Louis does not even wear the rose ring in public as opposed to that damn black ring always shining bright on his ring finger. Granted, Harry knows it is because the ring he gave him is too big for any of Louis’ fingers and with his job as a nurse, he can’t really keep it on his hand without risking it slipping away without him realising, but it still bothers Harry.

He doesn’t know why. Everyone is already convinced they are back together and such a tiny, almost not visible, piece of jewellery on one’s hand doesn’t mean much in comparison. And yet, this growing frustration inside him at the fact that Louis always wears something that links him to another man led Harry to buy a brand new shiny engagement ring for Louis.

But now that he thinks about it— he might be crossing some lines again, or at least skipping some steps and he should probably talk to Louis about it. He wonders if that is what Louis felt, ten years ago, or if he felt nothing but giddiness at the prospect of officially promising to be in each other’s life forever. He wonders what happened to the ring as well. Harry doesn’t remember what it looked like.

“Well don’t wait too long, I wanna witness that proposal,” his aunt teases. “No pressure!”

Harry rolls his eyes, a smile forming on his lips before he can even register it.

“I’ll try,” he answers.

“Hopefully time will be gentle then,” Lydia hums, not so subtly throwing a glance towards the nurse reorganising the medical equipment in the corner of the room. Louis could not be there today, he has finally been promoted to head nurse so he had to be at the hospital to supervise his first day in his new role and it is quite obvious Lydia is not as fond of the other nurses as she is of Louis. “I’m so happy you reconnected,” she continues, changing the subject promptly, “but I do have a question.”

Harry tilts his head curiously, waiting for her to elaborate.

“Are you really settling down? Is your desire to explore the world really satisfied?”

Her tone makes Harry freeze yet she is smiling sweetly, no sign of any suspicion about his and Louis’ relationship in her eyes, only pure curiosity and genuine concern. Concern for Louis, Harry has to guess. The question makes Harry properly pause, though, as he lowers his head and frowns.

Is he settling down? _Kind of, really._

Is he satisfied?

Harry’s brows furrow furthermore when his own conscious doesn’t seem to have an honest answer at such a simple question. The answer should be no, clearly, he plans on leaving this town behind again in the future and yet uncertainty plagues his heart just at the thought of expressing this sentiment to his aunt.

“You know,” Lydia speaks up again when Harry stays silent. “The reality is that you’ll never truly be able to explore every corner of the world. Like, one country alone is already so full of historical secrets that make for strange stopovers.”

“That’s the beauty of it then, there’s always more to see!” Harry argues. Lydia sends him a sad smile.

“But you’ve always returned to the same places, haven’t you?”

And that… that makes Harry stop indeed.

“Perhaps…” he admits.

“Maybe you’ve seen enough and it would be time to show some of your favourite places to someone? Just saying. Took your parents to some exquisite escapades through Cambodia and Singapore, let me tell ya.”

“South East Asia was your favourite, huh?”

“Definitely!” Lydia exclaims. “Well, you know me, I don’t handle heat very well so I felt like I was suffocating every single time I got off the plane but, my boy, the beaches of the Philippines and the temples of Cambodia and—”

“Auntie, I know, I’ve seen them,” Harry chuckles softly.

“But still! How can you be so calm? Are you sure we’ve seen the same places because you seem way too nonchalant. You prefer the other European cities don’t you?”

“I mean, Sofia’s cathedral is something to see at least once but yes I gotta admit I am basic and I do love Paris as well.”

Lydia actually huffs. “Go figure. Did you go see the catacombs at least? Now _that’s_ interesting!”

“It was terrifying you mean.” Harry actually shivers at the memory. He did not want to go explore that part of the city, truly, but the one time Gemma accompanied him while travelling some parts of Europe, she absolutely insisted on going and you just can’t say no to your older sister. Or at least Harry can’t.

“They made hearts out of human skulls on the walls!” she exclaims, “French people are fucking nuts I love it. I hope you also saw that church which decoration is made of bones in the Czech Republic.”

Harry awkwardly laughs, maybe he shouldn’t remind her that they also have the London Tombs that have been turned into a horror attraction. Granted, the heads on the spikes are not actually real, unlike the skulls back in Paris or Prague, but still. Harry really doesn’t understand people’s fascination with the morbid.

And yes, Harry did go to check it out and see what all the fuss was about. He was actually underwhelmed and did not get scared even once unlike the catacombs where just stepping in the poorly lit tunnels made his whole body erupts into goosebumps and not the good kind.

“Seeing that giant Gundam robot in Tokyo was pretty surreal too,” Lydia comments, “come to think of it, Japan, in general, was a whole ride but I was lucky enough to go during nemophila blossoms you know in that— oh I forgot the park’s name. The stark contrast between Tokyo and the rest of the country is fascinating truly.”

For the rest of the afternoon, she gushes about her travels while Harry gushes back about his own experiences. The hours seem to pass without him noticing if it wasn’t for the nurse telling him it was time for Lydia to eat and rest.

As he walks back home, he cannot help but get the tiny box out of his pocket again and just hold it in his hand. He makes a quick detour to Lottie’s café to buy — and insist on _actually_ buying as well — a few cupcakes for tonight’s desserts and the young woman’s eyes immediately lock on the box. She smiles brightly as she hands him the box of cupcakes, though she doesn’t say anything, and Harry bids her goodbye as if nothing happened.

The cupcakes under one arm and the ring in his other hand, Harry can’t help but smile, all giddy inside.

This is all a show of pretend — but it doesn’t mean he can’t have a little fun.

-: ✧ :-

Louis and Zayn come back home late, as they usually do recently. Harry has finished preparing dinner by then and displaying the cupcakes on a plate in the middle of the dining table and upon smelling and seeing the food, Louis looks like he is about to cry of relief. Which he kind of does, really, as he goes to hug Harry and as soon as he has his arms wrapped around Harry’s neck he just— his legs just give up on him and Harry has to physically hold Louis up so they don’t both end up on the floor.

“Long shift, don’t mind him, extra cuddly when exhausted and I’ve rejected him a couple of times,” Zayn explains vaguely as if Harry wasn’t already aware of that side of Louis’ personality, followed by a yawn. “All of that looks delicious by the way, thanks.”

Harry blinks. The two have them have been on better speaking terms as well, but somehow Harry always gets taken off guard by Zayn’s casual friendliness. Then he looks down at Louis who is indeed, already dozing off. Harry huffs, effortlessly lifting the man up, bridal style. He absolutely does not miss Louis muttering a quiet “yay” under his breath while keeping his eyes closed, letting Zayn and Harry continue their conversation as if he wasn’t there.

“No problem, I love cooking but I am really curious about yours too,” Harry replies. So far, in the past month, he has been the one cooking dinner every evening, even when Niall and Liam were coming to hang out. They never eat lunch together though, all having different working schedules.

Zayn smiles. “Once my schedule eases up a bit, I promise I will,” he assures, “speaking of which, Louis already knows but I have to go back to London for a while for some minor training—”

“And I’m not happy about it!” Louis complains suddenly, startling Harry who fortunately doesn’t drop him. “I should be coming too.”

“But you can’t,” Zayn admonishes. “You two got that fake relationship thing to keep up we might just be friends but it’d still look pretty odd if you come with me when you are not needed.” Louis pouts. “Besides you need to be here for Lydia, remember? Also! Harry, we need to talk.”

“Wha—” Both Louis and Harry say at the same time.

“Now, preferably.”

“I’m hungry though…” Louis mumbles before managing to get out of Harry’s arms and push the latter towards Zayn. He has a tendency to push him around now apparently. “But fine, be quick.”

“Don’t eat without us!” Zayn warns.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll just set the table don’t worry,” Louis says as he is already walking towards the cupboards and waving them away. He seems pretty laid-back about this, though it may be because of the fatigue again. Harry is just surprised he doesn’t want to know what Zayn is up to unless he already knows. Then again, it is unlikely considering Louis looked just as puzzled as him a couple of minutes ago.

Zayn leads him to his own room and Harry follows, still apprehensive. The room is at the end of the hall, far from where Louis’ and Harry’s rooms, which are actually facing each other, are. If Harry recalls correctly, it used to be Louis’ office room — or more like where he brainstormed ideas for hours when he still studied literature. Harry suddenly wonders if Louis kept those stories somewhere or if he threw everything away. Does he still like musicals as well? Perhaps Harry could bring him to see a Broadway play in the future, for his birthday even. Christmas in New York is lovely, Harry muses, it would be a wonderful holiday—

“Harry? Hey man, you zoned out again.”

Harry snaps out of it immediately only to realise Zayn is staring at him weirdly, frowning and mouth pursued. Harry doesn’t cower this time, however, and holds his gaze.

“Does that happen often?” Zayn asks.

“Uh?”

“You zoning out. You do it often enough when Louis is around,” he explains, “but anyway, this isn’t what I wanted to talk about.”

“Well then, what is it?” Harry prompts.

The doctor lifts an eyebrow, challenging. “Lottie bombarded my phone with exclamation points and that ring emoji. Didn’t take long for her to tell me you were probably gonna propose soon and— the hell is she on about?”

“Oh…” Harry laughs nervously as he slowly gets the tiny box containing the engagement ring out of his back pocket. Zayn’s eyes widen and the doctor just stares at him, dumbfounded. Harry has grown used to seeing this particular expression on the man’s face at this point. “Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“It’s too soon!” Zayn yells immediately and then promptly covers his mouth, afraid his outburst might have been heard from all the way downstairs. “No, seriously, Harry what the fuck?”

“You speak as if it was real, it’s just pretending and both my parents and Lydia have started to wonder why Louis never wears the rose ring I gave him, so…”

Zayn levels him with a look. “Just pretend?” he repeats flatly, “You bought a ring worth thousands of pounds for a fake relationship and you don’t stop and ask yourself some questions?”

“Am I supposed to?”

“I fucking think so, do you know how stupid you sound? Are you _that_ bothered he is wearing _my_ ring?”

Harry’s right eye twitch and he takes a step back and crosses his arms around his chest, willing himself to stay calm. And failing. “Yes I am! He is supposed to be my boyfriend in others’ eyes and yet the only sign he is taken isn’t even from me and you are out there wearing something similar on your hand. And if I didn't know better it looks like you're enjoying it too,” Harry accuses.

There is a silence after that as they stare at each other. Somehow, Harry feels breathless now, his own heartbeat ringing loudly in his ears while Zayn looks just as calm as he always does. He looks exasperated as well while his brown eyes reflect some kind of saddened emotion… or perhaps it is pity.

“Awfully possessive for someone who’s just pretending, huh?” Is the only thing Zayn replies at last which really isn’t helping Harry’s nerves. “What even guarantees he’d like it and wear it?”

“Nothing… but—” But what, Harry wonders, because nothing comes to mind.

“Listen, I wanted to talk to you exactly for that. I am not a _threat_ ,” the doctor sighs, clearly done with the conversation, “Louis and I are close, but we never dated or messed around with each other and since I know you think that: no I don’t have secret feelings for him either.” Harry stops himself from stomping his foot like a child because yeah, he's not sure he believes that completely. “And if you plan on giving him that ring, you better explain carefully what was your thought process or he’s gonna freak out and I’m gonna have to beat you up.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Harry can’t help but snort at that empty threat, taking a quick look at both their bodies and at his own arms. “Right.”

“I’m a doctor don’t test me,” Zayn says curtly in such an icy tone that Harry finds himself take a physical step back again. He's surprised his back hasn't hit the door yet. “Anyway, don’t fake propose to him. Again.”

“I won’t!” Harry groans.

“You were thinking of doing it in front of Lydia, weren't you.” Zayn’s voice clearly isn’t asking for a counterargument.

“You don’t know that,” Harry denies. “Anyway, I will talk about this with Louis, I promise, no one’s feelings will get hurt.” He feels like he’s just being a broken record at this point.

Small silence. The doctor huffs as he turns around. “You don’t even know your own feelings man, you’re the one who’s gonna get burned while I’m gone.”

Despite how much he tries to not let Zayn’s words affect him, Harry ends up hiding the ring in his room, deep in his closet, before heading back downstairs where Louis, surprisingly, did set up the table for the three of them.

Dinner is just in the tiny bit awkward side of things. Louis doesn’t comment on it.

-: ✧ :-

Louis cries the morning Zayn leaves. He actually _cried_ and Zayn had to hold him for a good five minutes before he calmed down and Harry still doesn’t know what to make of it. Louis has also been avoiding him ever since then and Harry has half a mind to call Zayn and ask him if he told him about their conversation until he remembers he doesn’t even know the doctor’s number.

It is tense and it is nothing truly surprising, Harry knew Zayn was a huge part of why Louis was so cheerful and easy-going in Harry’s presence but it… it still hurts. And the worst thing may be that he technically has no one he can talk to in order to try to understand what might be causing Louis to stay away since everyone thinks they are living the perfect romance. Granted, they don’t need to be pretending inside of their own house but he hasn’t expected such a cold treatment… again. He really thought they were back to at least being friends but it seems like Louis cannot make up his mind.

He needs to break the tension, Harry decides. This hot and cold attitude bullshit is getting to Harry’s last nerves. He’s been _trying_ , alright? And he would appreciate it if Louis considered doing the same instead of just tossing him around. Harry knows Louis has his reasons but for fuck’s sake, he’s tired, it’s been two months and Zayn nor Liam are not here to keep him from making a mistake so here he goes.

“I thought we were okay,” Harry bluntly says as he enters Louis’ room without any warning.

It is one of Louis’ few days off so in any other circumstances he’d feel guilty for disturbing Louis’ space. He sure did not expect to find Louis doing yoga in the middle of his room as soon as he opens the door so despite it all he is the one caught off guard while Louis doesn’t even flinch and keeps his eyes closed as he maintains his pose.

Harry blinks. Louis is wearing leggings and shit he wasn’t prepared at all.

“Did you even hear me?” He asks, still bothered despite the… distraction in front of him.

“I did,” Louis replies as he stands up straight and finally turns around to look at him. “Was just letting you enjoy the view for a few delightful seconds.”

Harry internally groans. This is exactly what is bothering him. He wills himself to remain calm and collected.

“You can’t keep doing this.”

Louis lifts an eyebrow. “And what is _this_ exactly?”

“One moment you’re flirting and being friendly, the other you’re avoiding me and glaring at me every chance you get. It’s starting to get tiring, Louis.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Louis dismisses.

“Stop fucking avoiding the issue!”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

They are going nowhere.

“Can’t we just talk?” Harry asks after a long sigh.

“Again, rich coming from you,” Louis repeats, finally taking a step forward, head held up high.

“I thought we were getting along,” Harry says, taking a step ahead as well, now standing within arms reach of Louis. He hesitates only for one second before he gently grabs Louis’ hands. He feels the exact moment Louis softens and almost gives up whatever facade he has put up.

“We were- are,” Louis mumbles and then sighs, now staring intensely at their linked hands with a deep frown as all the tension in his body seems to leave him at once. “I’ve just been… extra stressed lately, sorry.”

“I can help with that,” Harry says almost too enthusiastically as he slowly but surely lifts a hand up to Louis’ chin. He feels the other’s breath get caught up in his throat as their gazes meet again. “If you had actually come to me instead of avoiding me.”

“Sorry,” Louis apologises again with a nervous laugh, “It’s just— I’ve gotten used to having Zayn there, especially since he knows how frustrating work can be, so him being away is just… messing with my routine I guess.”

“You know… I was afraid to bring it up, but don’t you think you rely too much on him?” Harry asks, trying to not sound too accusatory.

Louis shrugs. “Not really,” he answers, “he helped, a lot.” He diverts his eyes as he says so. Harry feels a pang in his heart. “And I give back as much as I can.”

“Well, I can help too with relieving the stress, in a more efficient way, probably.” Harry almost huffs after stating that. Almost. Louis chuckles.

“Quite presumptuous of you, does it relate to how close to my face you are right now?”

Flirting. They are back to flirting.

“Perhaps,” Harry sing-songs, getting even closer, their foreheads now touching. Louis doesn’t pull back, he even smiles, blue eyes inviting and challenging simultaneously.

“So what are you waiting?”

“Just making sure you’re… okay with this,” Harry mumbles.

“I am,” Louis confirms, “We both need some… distraction?”

“Right.” Harry sounds unsure, and he knows he does. Louis doesn’t comment on it but the slight twitch of his eyebrows indicates that he has clearly picked up on it. A sudden air of uncertainty hovers over them and neither is willing to really address it.

Harry slowly shifts his hand to cradle Louis’ cheek, eyes falling on the smaller man’s lips. And then he startles a little when Louis suddenly reaches forward and goes on his tiptoes, effectively being the one closing the distance between them for once and initiating the kiss. Almost immediately, all the hesitation leaves Harry’s body as he hooks an arm around Louis’ waist, lifting him up with a twirl while Louis throws his around his neck. Harry swiftly brings them to the bed, kiss breaking as he gently lets Louis fall backwards, bouncing on the sheets before he crawls on top of him and presses their lips together one more time.

“At some point we’re gonna have to establish boundaries, you know,” Louis says, suddenly struck by common sense as he regains his breath and looks up at Harry’s unruly curls falling in front of his face. He reaches forward to play with a strand of hair, seemingly fascinated by it. “Not now though,” he concludes as he hooks a finger around Harry’s pearl necklace to bring him down again and connect their lips.

Harry hums, following willingly as his hands start to wander, caressing Louis’ legs that have been alluring him in those leggings for a good thirty minutes now. He feels Louis shiver under his touch and smiles.

“How far do you want to go?” Harry asks softly, lips grazing Louis’ neck, distracting the latter despite having just asked a question.

Louis has to hold his face away to stop himself from whining every two seconds — his neck is very sensitive and very few get to be this close without getting punched in the dick. Fortunately for Harry, even ten years later, he is part of those very few. Harry grins despite the hands squishing his cheeks, teasingly biting Louis’ fingers.

“Stop that!” Louis whines, shoving his face away even more and prompting Harry to laugh as he falls on the side. “Just— kiss me and hold me for a while, I’ve missed it.”

“Your desires are my command, dove,” Harry replies and rolls back on top of Louis, wasting no time to connect their lips again.

It is far more comfortable and enjoyable now that they are both surrounded by soft bedding. As per Louis’ request, Harry drapes himself over him, wrapping his arms around his middle, a hand finding its home at Louis’ nape and the other just ever so slightly playing with the leggings’ waistband and tracing the curves of his ass as Louis unintentionally arches his back against the touch.

Harry doesn’t take it any further, though and simply enjoys the taste of Louis’ mouth who has gone completely pliant under him.

It is familiar, it is nice. Harry never wants to move ever again.

“Harry—” Louis mumbles, breathless, prompting Harry to pull back immediately, scared he made the other man uncomfortable somehow. Louis chuckles, soothing Harry’s frown by poking his glabella. “Chill, I just needed to breathe.”

“I’m not… crushing you, right?”

Louis shakes his head. “Your boner is distracting though.”

“My—?” At that, Harry looks down to indeed notice the tent in his pants he hasn’t really paid attention to up until this very moment. But now that he is aware, he grimaces at the uncomfortable feeling of his hard dick being this tightly confined. “Fuck…”

“You sure want to,” Louis teases which does get a weak chuckle from Harry, “and I want a taste.” Effortlessly, Louis gets out of Harry’s grip, which had weakened upon Harry’s realisation of his own arousal, grabs Harry’s front shirt to bring him down while he gets on his knees instead, thighs sitting neatly on Harry’s legs to keep him laid down on the bed.

“Wow wow hey, I’m supposed to be the one helping you—” Harry sort of protests as their position gets reversed but he cuts himself off upon seeing Louis’ dark and hungry eyes fixated on his crotch.

“You’re so fucking tense too, and I know it’s partly my fault so allow me to remedy that,” Louis says lowly, hand cupping Harry’s crotch through his pants, rubbing with his wrist and the back of his palm. “Haven’t— Haven’t actually done this in a while but I wanna.”

The eagerness in Louis’ voice is almost childish, curious even. Harry doesn’t really hesitate though, going to unbutton his pants himself, managing, though with difficulty since Louis sitting on his legs is limiting his movements, to pull his pants and underwear down enough for his cock to spring free. He hisses as the cold air hits his skin and then moans when Louis’ warm hand wraps itself around the base.

And then just stays there.

“Louis—” he groans, frustrated at the lack of friction. When he looks up though he sees Louis’ puzzled and bewildered face as the older man stares, fascinated.

“Why does my hand look so small did you somehow grow even more in the past ten years what the fuck?” Louis finally mumbles.

Harry laughs wholeheartedly at that, making Louis pout. “Your hand always looked that small next to it, but you were in denial.”

Louis huffs. “Don’t get so cocky.”

“My cock is out, I don’t really have a choice.”

“God I’ve made a mistake.”

“What do you mean? I’m a ble—” Harry gets cut off again but this time by Louis licking the head tentatively, like getting acquainted with its taste again. It provokes a whole body shiver in him as Louis quickly takes as much of Harry’s cock into his mouth as he can, no longer satisfied with his kitten licks.

Harry feels it when he hits the back of Louis’ throat but the latter doesn’t falter, nor gag really — he never had such reflex when Harry rethinks about it — only hums as he starts to bob his head up and down, his hand following his movement where his mouth is unable to reach.

Pleasure overtakes his whole body upon seeing Louis’ enthusiasm. He cannot help but lifts his hips every now and then to follow Louis’ movements just for the thrill of feeling his cock hitting the back of the other man’s throat and feel Louis’ moan around his dick, sending waves of pleasure in his lower region.

Just as he feels his orgasm approach, Louis suddenly pulls back with a loud pop, saliva running down his chin as he takes a moment to breathe. Harry groans, frustrated at the unfinished business but doesn’t voice it, curious to see Louis’ next moves. Eyes dark and mouth glistening red, Louis crawls up Harry’s body and kisses him square on the lips again for a few seconds before he pulls back.

“I knew you were close,” he murmurs, sliding a hand back on Harry’s cock, feeling it up and down once or twice again, making Harry groan again, “I am too. Wanna— together, please.”

Harry smirks at that, cupping Louis’ cheeks and stealing one more kiss before responding, “You want me to take charge again, dove?” He feels the exact moment Louis surrenders and goes pliant again against his palms as he nods with a small whine when Harry tentatively folds one leg, his knee grazing the obvious tent in Louis’ tight leggings that wasn’t quite there before.

He playfully bites Louis’ neck, earning a yelp, as he flips them over again, Louis’ head landing gracefully on his fluffy pillows.

“How far are we going now, love?” Harry asks again, he knows the answer already, he can read it in Louis’ body language, but for good measure, he’d rather voice it again.

“Just— fuck me, alright? It’s been too fucking long.”

Oh, it has.

“Lube and condom under the bed,” Louis rushes to say and when Harry sends him a surprised look instead of moving he flushes, hiding his face, “don’t judge I’ve been thinking ‘bout this… a lot… and I’ve tried to finger myself earlier today but just— ’s not the same, didn’t manage to get off.”

“Aw my poor dove.” Louis rolls his eyes. “Does that mean…” Harry wonders, his fingers grazing Louis’ hole through the fabric, making the smaller man whine, “you’re already all prepped?”

“I— I dunno,” Louis stutters as Harry continues to massage him there, not expecting the feeling to be this pleasurable when two layers of thin clothing are still separating Harry’s fingers from his entrance. “You’ll have to see for yourself.”

Harry hums, halting his movements. “That will be my pleasure.”

He finds the lube and condoms surprisingly fast and takes the time to forego his pants altogether as well before getting back on the bed where Louis still hasn’t moved his hands from his face. He chuckles, nuzzling his temple.

“Hey there why are you so shy suddenly? Shall I blind you and tie you up since you refuse to look at me? We’ve never tried that before…” he muses and he sees Louis’ breath catch up in his throat in arousal so he adds that to his mental checklist — a list he didn’t even know existed until this very moment but now it does.

“I-It’s just—” Louis gulps, spacing out his fingers so his shiny blue eyes can peek through them. Harry has no idea how he manages to be this fucking cute even right now. “I don’t know if I can handle seeing you above me like that. Like— last time we were on this bed you were like clumsy and stumbling around not that you weren’t good, you _were_ , I didn’t waddle for whole days for nothing but also now you’re— fuck your arms and the facial hair is hot and enough to get me all worked up if I think about it for more than one second and— I should shut up.”

“Oh no please continue to rave about me,” Harry encourages, grabbing Louis’ wrists to then gently press them down on each side of his head so he can steal another kiss, settling the other man down. Louis’ cheeks are still flaming red though. “You, on the other hand, haven’t changed. Still so sweet and pliant under me, squirming at every touch even when you pretend to take control.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Yes because I love it.” He punctures his words by blindly slipping a hand in Louis’ pants, fingers finding his hole in an instant like muscle memory. “You’ve always loved just laying there, making pretty noises as I do the work.”

“The work,” Louis repeats with a huff. “As if you don’t like it just as much doing nothing while I suck your cock.”

“Well, you haven’t really finished that here, have you?” Harry points out, “Left me hanging, which is quite rude.”

Louis doesn’t reply, only wiggles his ass as if to remind Harry of the task at hand. Harry laughs lowly as he complies, helping him get out of his leggings. He then wastes no time in grabbing the lube and generously coat his fingers with it. He can feel Louis watching him with anticipation, keeping his legs spread. Thankfully, Harry doesn’t make him much longer and slips his index finger in his hole promptly.

Harry blinks, a little surprised at how easily it slides in and tentatively inserts a second finger in no time as Louis keens at the intrusion.

“Look at that, you did already prep yourself kind of well,” he whispers, more to himself than to seek a response but Louis hums.

“My fingers— aren’t long enough though to— _oh_.”

Harry smirks again as he thrusts his fingers right into Louis’ prostate in the first try. Muscle memory, surely.

“Is that what you missed dearly?” Harry taunts, never missing the special spot as he builds up a rhythm. Louis never fails to whine every single time. “I did too,” he admits next as he frowns at the shirt Louis is still wearing. In fact, both of them are still wearing their shirts, they have just completely forgotten about that. “Hold on…”

His pace slows down as he starts to lift Louis’ shirt up to reveal his tummy and nipples. Louis makes a questioning sound, opening his eyes — which he doesn’t remember closing in the first place — but doesn’t get to utter a single word before Harry latches on one of his nipples, sucking and nibbling it at will just as he adds a third finger, thrusts becoming more and more insistent. A loud moan escapes Louis’ lips as his hands get tangled in Harry’s hair, simultaneously pressing him closer and pulling the hair back when he’d feel overwhelmed. Harry never falters, peppering Louis’ tummy with kisses before coming back up to kiss him on the lips, tongue first, muffling the other man’s moans as he starts to scissor his fingers inside of him and his other hand is slowly stroking Louis’ cock neither of them has even touched until now, only to focus back on his neck and upper body once he feels Louis has relaxed. It always required a bit of coaxing.

Harry finally pulls back, satisfied with the numerous love bites now decorating Louis’ chest and neck. He softly eases his fingers out despite Louis’ whine and then takes a few second to admire the pink hole clutching over nothing, waiting for something to fill it up again. Harry brushes the sweat from his forehead away before he pulls off his shirt, sighing in relief as the cool air relieve his burning skin.

“You’ll get a better view like that, eh?” he says, playfully flexing his arms and abs, getting a pillow thrown straight to his face in response.

“Shut up and fuck me,” Louis groans, with red cheeks and heavy breath.

Well, he can’t say no that.

It seems to take him only seconds to grab the condom and wrap it around his neglected cock. He hisses at the contact though, being suddenly reminded of his near orgasm earlier that seems to be coming back full force just at the idea of fucking Louis.

It would suck if he didn’t last long, though, he wants to enjoy being surrounded by Louis’ warmth for as long as possible.

He shuffles forward, grabbing Louis’ legs and keeping them spread on either side of his body, dick now resting just below Louis’ entrance.

“You alright dove?” Harry asks, for good measure again. He already knows the answer.

Louis eagerly nods, hands awkwardly up in the air, not really knowing what to do with them which makes Harry chuckle as he presses forward, the head easily slipping inside of Louis almost instantly. They both moan at the familiar yet foreign sensation, Louis already clutching around it, as if to make sure this was all really happening. Harry groans, stopping himself from thrusting in one go, letting Louis adjust, but then Louis suddenly lifts his upper body up to be able to reach Harry’s hands that were still clutching his thighs, pulling him down with him.

The action effectively ends with Harry now hovering over Louis, elbows resting on each side of the other’s face, and his hips suddenly meeting the curves of Louis’ ass as his dick completely disappears inside the tight entrance. Harry groans at the warmth fully embracing him, willing himself to not come on the spot. He feels Louis shudder under him.

“You were being too gentle,” Louis finally says, breathing heavily still, “Fuck you’re big.”

“Yet you’re taking me so well,” Harry praises, as he nuzzles his neck now that he is close. Louis wraps his legs around his middle, possibly bringing him closer and it is intimate, so intimate and loving that it is confusing.

He brushes the feeling aside as he starts to thrust in and out, slow and steady, going as deep as possible every single time. Louis keens, letting out small whines every time Harry pushes forward. On one particularly hard thrust, Louis lets out a loud scream as his special spot gets stimulated just right, causing him to promptly cover his mouth, preventing himself from screaming again. Harry tsks, removing the hand and pinning it above Louis’ head.

“Oh no, let me hear you,” Harry groans, pace fastening now that he found the perfect angle. Louis whines purposely straining his neck so his voice is closer to Harry’s ears.

“Y-yes keep it right there— oh fuck.”

With his free hand, Louis reaches for his own cock while Harry decides to trail down kisses all over his neck and face. He unintentionally bites down right below Louis’ jaw when the latter suddenly clenches around him without any warning and next thing he knew, Louis is coming all over their chests. When he looks up, Louis appears surprised himself, blinking then groaning when Harry resumes his thrusts, determined to reach his own climax _finally_.

Louis remains pliant under him, hands now hovering over his arms and torso, fingers grazing ever so slightly every muscle and each of his nipples. Just as Harry feels the familiar burn, Louis grabs his face, initiating yet another kiss as Harry releases inside the condom with a deep groan and shudder. In the euphoria of his orgasm, Harry doesn’t really reciprocate the kiss, only merely breathing and just lets Louis nibble on his lips gently.

They stay like that for a few more seconds before they both grow uncomfortable at the sticky mess in between them. Harry pulls off with a wince — which Louis mirrors as well — and quickly gets up to throw the used condom away. Louis lets out a sigh as he props himself on his elbows, seemingly about to get up as well to probably clean himself but Harry tuts, promptly getting back on the bed and pushing Louis back against the cushions.

“Nope, you stay right there, I’ll take care of you,” Harry admonishes.

Louis pouts. “But—”

“No buts, I am taking care of you right now, you stay put right there,” he repeats and when Louis makes no sign of moving again, he kisses his forehead. “Good boy.”

The praise makes Louis blush in the cutest way possible.

Five minutes later, Harry has cleaned them both with a wet towel and has even brought up some snacks and two cups of water, assuming Louis still gets particularly hungry after sex. Louis immediately starts making grabby hands in the air when he spots the snicker bars on the tray Harry is carrying.

“Do you want me to grab some clothes too?” Harry asks as he carefully rests the tray on Louis’ laps after putting the glasses of water on the bedside table instead.

“No it’s alright, ’s quite hot anyway,” Louis replies with a grateful smile, “though… I’d like to cuddle and watch a movie now? Like old times.”

Harry smiles. It is not the conversation they should be having right now but the feeling of familiarity is too strong for Harry to break the moment.

“Like old times,” he repeats.

-: ✧ :-

The sex seems to have miraculously broken the tension as the next few days happen without a hitch — and also with a few kisses here and there whenever Harry can feel Louis being on edge because of whatever happened at work or with his family. They even develop a new routine. With Zayn away, Louis’ lunch break is extended a bit which allows Harry to come by the hospital so they can eat together. Harry also picks him up after work or brings him to Lydia’s house when necessary. Whenever Louis has to go, Harry now accompanies him which always manages to put the brightest smile on the old lady’s face.

All that, despite her degrading health. Which is a great slap back to reality for Harry. Louis tells him they only have three months left with each other and while it is depressing news, Lydia, as always, puts a positive spin on it. They know how much time is left now and none of these moments will be wasted.

Anne still has trouble wrapping her head around the whole situation.

“Oh Louis honey, how do you even do that on a regular basis,” the woman sighs.

“Well, for one, I usually don’t have a personal tie to the patient,” he explains with a small nervous laugh.

“She really considers you like her son.”

Louis subtly winces at that but he keeps a smile on his lips while Harry shuffles a little closer, putting his arm around his waist. Louis leans his head against his shoulder immediately.

They are currently at the Styles-Twist household. Anne invited them for dinner after complaining about how little she’s actually seen her own son since he was back. Ironically enough, Harry thinks, she seems more focused on Louis. Robin, on the other hand, has been pretty quiet and observing the couple with a knowing smile.

“And I consider you family as well,” Louis assures, gently taking one of Anne’s hands in his. “I will be there every step of the way if you ever need it but… you will have to face losing her directly one day or another.”

“I know… It would be easier to not face it alone though.”

Even if the woman keeps her gaze on their linked hands, Harry knows what she is referring to and guilt overtakes his whole being as he subtly curls up around Louis, hiding his face in his fake boyfriend’s neck. Which is ironic in itself because Anne most likely isn’t the only one who needs to face life head-on instead of avoiding it.

“You speak as if I did not exist,” Robin pipes in, playful yet reassuring.

Anne laughs softly. “You know what I mean!”

“About that…” Harry finally speaks up, pulling away from Louis to look directly at his mother. Probably sensing his tense and uncertain demeanour, Louis grabs his hand and keeps it in his laps, preventing Harry from going too far away. Harry smiles just slightly. “I was thinking about staying for longer. A year or two? Perhaps more even…”

“Really?!” Both Anne and Louis exclaim at the same time, wide eyes staring at him in disbelief. Robin, always the odd one out, snorts. Harry has no idea how to interpret that.

Harry blushes, embarrassed at the pure surprise and excitement from the two most important people in his life — did he really just think that right now? — as he brings Louis’ free hand to his lips, slightly hiding behind it. The shiny black ring seems to mock him as his eyes can’t help but glare at it for a few seconds.

“I mean yeah,” he whispers softly but loud enough for them to hear, “I was so eager to leave again when I first arrived because I was scared but- I now realise I had nothing to be scared of.” His eyes briefly meet Louis’. The nurse has lost his smile but he is not frowning either. He seems confused, though, with the way his left eye squints ever so slightly as he observes Harry’s face with attention.

“Scared of what, honey?” Anne asks, drifting Harry’s attention back to the subject at hand.

“Rejection is the only way I can describe it?” Harry admits, feeling Louis’ hand twitch in his. He kisses it gently again instead of saying anything. “I left so abruptly then barely kept in contact with anyone because I just assumed I wouldn’t be able to fit in again here. I was wrong though. Not everything is like it used to but this is nice regardless. Gemma’s missing though.”

“Well, unlike you she does have to stay in one place for her job, can’t exactly move back here in a whim,” Robin reminds him.

“I did,” Louis tuts.

“Come on Louis.”

“I’m just saying, dad, it _is_ possible, but she’s got her lover boy in New York so that must be a factor too,” the nurse shrugs. Anne chuckles softly while Robin fondly rolls his eyes and Harry frowns, frozen in place.

Did he just hear Louis call Robin “dad” and no one reacted? He looks around as the conversation goes on without him but he literally cannot concentrate on it, somehow feeling like his whole world has just been shaken before someone finally picks up on his unusual quietness.

And of course, it is Louis who pinches his side, making him jump.

“You alright there?” Louis asks with a hint of a laugh. He really does enjoy startling Harry any chance he gets, doesn’t he?

“Yeah just—” His parents tilt their heads in sync. It is a tiny bit creepy too. “You just called him dad?”

“Oh! Is that what’s bothering you?”

“Bothering wouldn’t be the word I’m just— surprised? I never heard you call, you know…” Harry doesn’t finish his sentence, not really willing to bring up Louis’ relationship with the different father figures he’s had in his life.

Fortunately, Louis understands without an issue as he lets out a long “oh” full of wonder. Robin, on his part, lets out a full belly laugh.

“I’ve technically known him for longer than you, Harry,” Robin says.

Anne hums. “Whenever Louis visited while he lived in London he always made sure to pay us a visit as well.”

“Even stole your childhood room when they turned my room into Lottie’s when she got tired of sharing with Fizzy now that she was an adult even though she still lives at Mark’s now while Fizzy left, hah,” Louis snorts. “So yeah I don’t know one day I just let ‘dad’ slip instead of Robin and he started crying of joy.”

“Can confirm,” Robin announces proudly, nodding to himself. Harry cannot help but smile.

“Plus, you’ve always been family even after you and Harry split up. Unofficially, that is,” Anne adds on, ruffling Louis’ hair affectionately. The latter lets her do as she pleases with only a slight annoyed eye roll. “Perhaps officially, some of these days, mm?” She sends a not so subtle look filled with intent towards her son.

He expects Louis to tense up like he’s always done so far when this topic is brought up but instead Louis shrugs nonchalantly, throwing a teasing glance Harry’s way, mirroring Anne as he mumbles, “That’s not up to me, I believe.”

A pause. “Some of these days, huh,” Harry repeats as he brings Louis’ hand to his lips again and leaves a lingering kiss on its back. That is apparently something he enjoys doing now. “If you allow me.”

Louis doesn’t verbally reply but his hand tightens around Harry’s.

A sort of promise, making Harry’s heart leap with hope.

They really need to talk.

-: ✧ :-

Without them noticing, two whole weeks pass with Zayn still away. In fact, the doctor also calls Louis to tell him one of his sisters got engaged during the last week or so and he will drive back to Bradford to spend time with his family after this happy news before coming back. Louis pouts all throughout the call, whining that he misses him but then tells him to send his congratulations Safaa’s way.

Everyone is getting engaged left and right, it seems.

That is how Harry learns that Zayn, much like Louis, has a big family and he, too, didn’t sound like he was that close to them either. In fact, Harry did not dare to comment but the doctor sounded like he did not want to make a quick trip back home.

“Have you ever met them?” Harry asks eventually once the call ends. “Zayn’s family, I mean.”

“Once or twice,” Louis answers vaguely. “He never seemed comfortable talking about them so the visits were rare, we came here for holidays and such instead. They’re lovely people but…”

“But?”

Louis shrugs. “He always says I’m pretty much the only family who understands him so, I guess that’s telling.”

Harry hums, waiting for the bitter feeling to rise up in him again at how close these two are, but to his surprise, he feels at peace. He doesn’t know how and when his anger towards Zayn has vanished and that is exactly when he notices something shiny in Louis’ right hand.

It’s _his_ ring, the rose ring, somehow fitting Louis’ middle finger perfectly.

“You can wear the ring at work? Isn’t it too big?” Harry rushes to ask and completely forgetting the previous discussion they were having, his heart fluttering just at the sight.

Louis frowns in confusion, first staring at the black ring but then switching his gaze to the silver rose on his right hand. He lets out a small “oh” followed by a light chuckle.

“Fizzy has worked at the jewellery store for a few years before moving.” Harry freezes at that, afraid she might have seen him buy a ring a few weeks back before it gets to him that, no, she doesn’t work there _anymore_. “So she resized the ring for me for free, I was surprised by how quickly she could do it, dropped it off at hers one-morning last week since she’s in town and she brought it back at lunch.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that.”

Harry was there, Félicité actually brought them both extra cupcakes along with a small bag for Louis, courtesy of Charlotte — again. Come to think of it he should have suspected it was something special as he hadn’t even seen Félicité at all since he came back here. So the ring was in there and he had no idea.

“You’ve been wearing it since then?”

“Well, yeah, I thought you noticed? I put it away when I’m actually working, but yeah,” Louis replies as if it wasn’t some groundbreaking news for Harry. He starts walking towards the front door after looking at the time. “Anyway, we’re having dinner at Liam’s and Niall’s tonight, I might be late again so please tell them, I will be with Lydia all day so no need to bring me lunch at the hospital today I won’t be there.”

Hearing Lydia’s name activates a new lightbulb in Harry’s head as he remembers suddenly the clause and the indirect promise he made for his aunt to witness his proposal. He’s already shown her the ring so he can’t exactly backtrack now but he now will have to think about how to talk about it with Louis.

“I hope she hasn’t been too… invasive? That sounds bad,” Harry mumbles.

“I know what you mean and no don’t worry, she still thinks we’re the perfect little couple,” the nurse grins, “she did say she is considering changing the wording of her will so you can inherit her fortune without actually being married, so I guess this thing worked. Told you, she just wanted to see you happy. Unless you’re faking that part too.”

Harry vividly shakes his head, getting closer as Louis doesn’t seem too keen on leaving the house just yet, hand resting on the knob as he looks up at Harry.

“I’m not,” Harry answer firmly. “Reconnecting with you made me the happiest, Louis. You’ve made this whole thing so much easier to deal with.”

It feels a little too earnest this early in the morning, a bit too sincere before he even can register what he is saying.

“Same here, Haz.” This might be the first time Louis has used the nickname while they are just between the two of them. Or perhaps at all. The word sounds foreign yet so familiar. Harry is still not used to that odd feeling but as it turns out, he quite likes it. “Have a nice day at the library, see you tonight.”

Harry nods with a smile but then stops Louis again when the latter goes to finally open the door, resting his own hand on Louis’. He doesn’t put any pressure on it, just lays his hand there and Louis stills, curious and expecting. Harry then kisses his forehead, nuzzling his cheek and feeling Louis’ small dimple appear as he smiles.

“See you tonight dove.”

His stomach still feels a bit fluttery once Louis is gone.

-: ✧ :-

Harry ends up visiting Niall and Liam at the school when the latter offers that they meet up there as their shifts end so they can go grocery shopping for what they will be eating for dinner. Harry immediately accepted, despite the underlying nervousness he gets just thinking about going back to that place he spent years celebrating he would never have to step foot in ever again.

Niall has already finished working, now sitting in the middle the empty stadium, scrolling through his phone. That is how Harry finds him.

“Are you on your phone too while torturing the kids and making them run around for half an hour?” Harry says as a form of greeting, startling the coach into dropping said phone on the grass. Harry doesn’t like to be invasive but he can’t help but crane his neck a little to get a glimpse of what the man was looking out only to see a smiling picture of Liam with huge glasses on. _Cute_.

Niall groans, quickly retrieving his phone and putting it in his pocket as he gets up. “Hello there Harold.”

“Still not my name.”

“Don’t care.”

See, the thing is, while Harry seems to have gotten Louis’ friendship back and is somewhat on better terms with Zayn — since just his name isn’t making him inexplicably angry anymore — Niall still seems on the fence. It isn’t consistent, one moment he is cold and snappy, and another he seems to forget he is supposed to hold a grudge against Harry in Liam’s and Louis’ names and is just his friendly, peppy self. It is a little disconcerting but it doesn’t bother Harry as much as when Louis did the same thing so he doesn’t really call him out on it.

“How long before Liam’s done as well?” Harry asks instead.

“Mmh, probably half an hour or so. He likes to stay a bit for the students who may have questions after class and then he tends to get distracted by the gossip from other teachers until I get him.”

Harry hums as they make their way outside of the empty field. He drags his feet in the grass, staring intensely at the empty benches and seats around him. He smiles when he finds the very spot he used to always be with Liam and their families, cheering for Louis and Niall down in the field, always outdoing themselves at each new match. He and Liam would always come up with the most ridiculous banners to wave every single time if only to just get to see the coach’s annoyed face. He wonders if Niall has encountered that now.

“Weird walking back in here, eh?” Niall suddenly asks, “Plenty of memories in there. Plenty of injuries too. And mud. Lots of mud.”

Right, both Louis and Niall broke their knee — the left one at that on both cases — at some point during the last year of high school, and they did so roughly a month apart from each other. The team was freaking out while Louis and Niall were laughing it away, neither really intending to pursue an actual career in football so this whole regional competition wasn’t really of their interest, they were just there for the fun of it, even if they did end up being able to play during the finale and Louis scored the final winning goal.

Harry remembers _vividly_ how that night of celebration ended.

“Feels kinda nice, honestly,” Harry replies, “Y’know, coming back here, I really didn’t expect to have all those memories come back to me so suddenly. So many memories I thought were lost yet I just have to look in one place and thousands of memories play in my head.”

“That’s called nostalgia, bud.”

“Yeah but— I expected to— hate remembering. Thought they’d hurt.” Harry blinks as he says so, the words tasting weirdly familiar on his tongue.

“They probably would have a few months ago, to be honest,” Niall easily points out. “Hurt for me to think about our teenage selves for a while,” he continues. Niall keeps his gaze ahead while they keep walking.

“What changed?”

“You came back. And convinced Louis to give you a second chance. So… I’m doing it too now. Not all the way there like Lou or Li but… There has been some progress, I guess.”

“That rhymes,” they chuckle at the same time. Niall still doesn’t look at him but Harry can see the slight smile tugging at his lips.

They don’t talk the rest of the way.

The hallways are pretty much empty apart from a few teenagers here and there, talking in small groups. The dark navy blue uniform makes Harry wince, feeling his skin itch. He hated wearing that uniform every day, always almost ripping it in half when he took it off as soon as he was back home. He can only hope they are now at least more comfortable, or something. Niall heads immediately towards the teachers’ lounge, ignoring the curious glances they are getting. For some reason, Harry feels like they all know who he is.

They soon find themselves in front of the door but as soon as Niall is about to open it, someone else opens it from the inside. Niall yelps, stumbling on his feet and Harry dumbly jumps back and closes his eyes to avoid seeing his friend fall instead of, perhaps, possibly help him. Niall groans — but it’s not in pain, it’s in annoyance. Surprised, Harry blinks his eyes open again to see Liam having caught Niall in his arms, and making a show out of it, gleefully grinning down at his husband.

Harry cannot help but smile as well at Niall’s stubborn frown despite his reddening cheeks.

“Don’t make a show out of this again,” Niall complains.

“You love it!” Liam exclaims, brushing their noses together. Harry can see the other teachers cooing and even hear a few students gush behind him while trying to be discreet. The whole school must love seeing these two interact.

“Come on, we need to go and plan what to cook tonight or Louis will have your head,” the Irish man sighs, patting Liam’s cheek. “Also your rude ass didn’t even greet Harry.”

At that, Liam frowns in confusion, only now lifting his head up now to indeed see Harry just standing there. Harry awkwardly waves. “Oh hey Harry, sorry didn’t see you there, my clumsy husband was in the way.”

“Oh sod off!”

“Yeah yeah sunshine.” Liam twirls Niall once before steadying him on his feet. Niall, this time, can’t help but smile genuinely, a giggle escaping him.

They are adorable, Harry thinks as he crosses his arms around himself. He wants that. So desperately.

-: ✧ :-

An hour or so later, the three of them are exiting the market place with each one bag full of groceries. Harry still hasn’t been made aware of what the two are planning. Zayn isn’t there this time, so surely Niall won’t be as obsessive… hopefully.

Once they get away from the busy centre of town to stroll down the empty road leading to the Payne-Horan household, Harry wills his heart to calm down.

“I have a question for you,” Harry says, a bit too abruptly for his liking.

“Shoot,” Liam offers lightly, not picking up on his friend’s nervousness. He’s always been a bit more oblivious than others because Niall seems to already know what he is going to ask as the Irish man sends him a squinted look.

“Do you think it’s too early to propose to Louis?”

The reaction is immediate: Liam stumbles and nearly fucking falls down on his face meanwhile Niall lets out a small gasp. Harry winces. The reactions he expected but definitely not the ones he was hoping for.

“It’s too early, definitely too early,” Harry mumbles, suddenly quickening his pace to avoid the judgement from his friends’ eyes. “What a stupid idea oh god why did I buy that fucking ring.”

“Wait, hey, Harry slow down!” Niall yells, running up to him, Liam quick on his feet as well. “What ring are you even talking about, doesn’t he already wear your rose ring?”

“I impulsively bought another one, the rose ring was just— to please Lydia, like a promise that things were right again but I got ahead of myself with that new ring, didn’t I? I’m an idiot!”

Of course he doesn’t mention that one of his main motivation when he bought the ring was actually jealousy, that a simple, smooth black ring caused his insides to painfully clench at the idea that Louis didn’t even _appear_ to be _his_ despite how fake their relationship was— still is. He doesn’t know anymore it doesn’t feel fake or forced. It never felt like it, actually. However, he still doesn't know Louis' side of the story and if things have gone just as smoothly for him. He did have more trouble just touching when they first began this thing.

“Mate, calm down first,” Liam says, grabbing Harry’s arm to slow him down. “Have you and Louis talked about it?”

“Not— Not really. I, um, asked Zayn about it and he said it was way too early because of, you know…” he ends vaguely, eyeing carefully Niall. The latter doesn’t know about Louis’ proposal from what Harry gathered and he doesn’t particularly want to reveal that to him now that he’s got his trust somewhat back.

Liam catches on immediately, grimacing as well. “Right…”

“I feel like there is something I am not aware of but I’m too tired to question it,” Niall comments, an unimpressed look on his face. “But you’ve technically known each other since forever, so really it’s up to you to see if it’s too early. But— I thought you were leaving once Lydia passes. Don’t think proposing and then leaving is a good idea even if you keep it up long-distance.”

Harry tries not to wince at the family scenario Niall is unconsciously describing. “Actually— I decided to stay for a bit longer.” _Perhaps forever._ The thought startles him.

“So you were thinking of proposing soon, get married during this ‘longer time’ you’re talking about and then what— leave?” Liam asks, genuinely curious. “I’m having trouble understanding your thought process here Harry.”

Harry doesn’t reply right away because, well, he is confused as well. For the most part of his life, he has acted on instinct and this is one example as well.

“Because he’s not thinking,” Niall tuts, he is teasing though with no snarl in his tone. “Like, no offence mate, but you don’t buy an engagement ring on impulse to someone you are willing to leave behind. You know that as soon as Louis wears that ring, you will be _obsessed_.”

Harry gets distracted just hearing this, imagining Louis smiling softly down as he admires the ring on his hand, finding comfort in it whenever he needs it — the comfort that Harry is there, this time, a concrete promise and proof. He snaps out of it when Liam claps his hands in front of him and the glare the man is sending him suddenly plagues Harry’s mind with doubts. Why is his best friend looking at him like that meanwhile Niall looks amused, smiling and not noticing his husband’s mood drop?

The roles are completely reversed.

“Just be careful, alright? Talk to Louis. Make sure you both want it,” Liam insists, “you proposing can be a surprise but the idea of engagement shouldn’t be, especially after barely three months since you reunited. Don’t fuck this up.” _Again_ , is implied. Harry gulps and wants to argue that the first time around, it was Louis who got too ahead of himself but— he is aware they both had a part in how things played out.

Plus Niall still has no idea so he can’t really say anything for now.

“Yeah I don’t really want a repeat of the last ten years, minus marrying Li and meeting Zayn, obviously,” Niall comments, “so to go back to your question— we can’t know if it’s too early or not, that’s up to you and Louis. At least you’re not complete strangers, is the thing.”

“But the ten years with no contact sure are a bit difficult to ignore, huh?” Harry concedes. Niall and Liam nod.

“To me, it isn’t,” Liam mutters, sounding guilty for a reason Harry does not comprehend. “To Louis though? And everyone else?”

Harry nods, a little dejected. “I just— really want him to officially be mine? For real?” He doesn’t know why he phrases that like a question when the other two are unaware of the real situation. He shakes his head. “I really came back, convinced I didn’t want to settle down and here I am ready to risk it all.”

Niall snorts. “Louis has that effect on people.”

-: ✧ :-

When Louis arrives at Liam’s and Niall’s, his eyes are red. Louis looks grateful when Harry closes the door behind him so they can settle on the porch for this conversation instead of alerting Niall and Liam.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks gently, cradling Louis’ face, a bit surprised that his cheeks are dry despite his watery eyes.

“Nothing major, I just got really emotional at Lydia’s.” The nurse sniffs, willing the tears welling up in his eyes again to not fall down. He partially fails, Harry wiping them away with his thumbs. “But there might be an issue about the clause.”

Harry frowns.

“She changed it,” Louis continues with a worried a frown, “except she changed it to give the inheritance to me.” Harry blinks, truly failing to see the problem. “She said that since we’ll most likely be married in the future, you’ll legally have all that money as well but— fuck Harry I’m sorry it’s not too late to tell her!”

“Hey hey,” Harry shushes him, “don’t worry about it, I don’t care about that anymore, yeah? As you said, I don’t even need it in the first place, my family’s rich enough as it is. This isn’t a big deal.”

“But— we started this thing,” Louis vaguely gestures around them, “specifically for that fucking clause and it backfired!”

“How so? I don’t see any downside here.”

“But—”

“Dove, listen,” Harry cuts him off again, “stop worrying, I’m not mad, I got better things out of this. The inheritance was the superficial part, I got you, and the others, and a surprisingly more united family back and I’m not gonna let you go now. That’s all I really care about.”

Louis looks confused — and Harry doesn't understand why. He doesn’t care about that stupid clause anymore, he even forgot it existed, he just wants Louis in his arms now and he thought he made a good job at showing it. He doesn’t get to fully pour his feelings out, however, as Niall’s muffled voice suddenly yells at them to finally get their asses inside, growing stronger as the Irish man is approaching the front door.

Louis and Harry share a look and then laugh, not moving an inch. “Kiss me,” Louis whispers, “might as well give him a show, eh?”

As if Harry could say no to that. So, as soon as he sees the door handle move, he grabs Louis by his middle and slightly dips him before joining their lips together. Louis happily complies, throwing his arms around Harry’s neck just as Niall’s yelp greets them.

“For fuck’s sake guys, you’ve been making out there for ten minutes?!” Niall complains, “Now that’s something I did not miss.”

And just like that, he leaves without closing the door behind him. Louis and Harry pull apart then, sharing another laugh.

“You know,” Louis starts as Harry helps him stand up straight again, “he talks a lot of shit for someone who’s also super into PDA with Liam. You should have seen the first year they officially started dating, they were insufferable!”

Harry hums, giving him a butterfly kiss. “More than we used to be? I really doubt it.”

“Maybe not then,” Louis concedes, eyes crinkling as he smiles big. “Come on, I’m actually hungry, today has been a lot.”

Harry nods, wrapping an arm around Louis’ middle as they both walk back inside.

-: ✧ :-

Harry spends the next couple of days thinking about the ring again. He still hasn’t taken it out of his closet but he also knows this isn’t the right time just yet. Despite how much better his and Louis’ relationship is now in private, he still feels like they need to talk more before he brings up the idea of any engagement, whether real or fake to fulfil Lydia’s last wish. He then gets an idea when he passes Zayn’s room and spots a few old books up in the shelves decorating the hallway’s walls.

Decorating only, really, judging by the dust cumulating on top of it. Harry wonders if it’s because of neglect, or just because both Zayn and Louis are too small to reach the shelves and could not be bothered to fetch a stool or something, not that he will bring that up, he does want to stay alive.

He then makes his way to Louis’ room which door is slightly ajar. Harry gently knocks before opening the door a little more to find Louis sat, legs crossed, on his bed, while reading. He is even wearing his glasses tonight, meaning he’s removed his contacts for a while. It makes sense, it is getting late, but he doesn’t seem bothered by Harry’s intrusion as he looks up with a small curious smile.

“Louis, are you tired?” Harry asks.

Louis blinks. “No, why? You wanna go somewhere?” There’s a bigger smile tugging at his lips at the excitement of a nightly adventure. They used to do that a lot, especially after an important exam back in high school, to get their heads off things. They would walk by the river, play in the forest nearby and once they even sneaked back in the school and recreated loosely Romeo and Juliet in the empty auditorium just for the thrill of it. They never got caught, or at least he likes to think so.

Harry being the rich kid and Louis being the golden boy of the town, they truly did not have a lot to risk, really, now that he thinks about it.

“Perhaps,” he admits, “what do you think about a night trip to the library?”

“The library? You’ve got the key?”

“Margaret gave me a duplicate yeah,” Harry confirms, pulling it out of his pocket.

“Taking advantage of an old lady’s kindness are you?” Louis teases as he puts the book on his bedside table before jumping on his feet. “I’m in, let’s go.”

Harry stares. “You aren’t gonna change?”

“Aren’t you? I’ve got a sweater on at least, you’ve only got a shirt.” At that, Harry finally looks down to indeed realise he is still in a shirt with loose pyjama pants as opposed to Louis’ oversized sweater and leggings.

“Oh. Right. Sorry, got excited when I had the idea and I also did not really expect you to agree,” Harry admits. “I’ll just— uh, I’ll be right back.”

Louis chuckles. “I’ll grab some snacks while we’re at it too. Meet you at the door.” And just like that, Louis walks past him, skipping a little on his way like he always does when on a particularly good mood. Harry smiles fondly and then hurries back to his own room.

He slips in some jeans and a warm sweatshirt then runs downstairs. It is a little silly, he will have to admit, but this feels like… a first actual date. That is the one thing they have never done since he has come back in town — go on dates. Since everyone accepted so easily that they were back together, pretending to go on dates felt unnecessary according to Louis and Harry could not refute, really. Besides, Louis was also pretty busy already as it is during the day, so even if they had to go on fake dates in the evening, for example, Harry wouldn’t have wanted to exhaust Louis more than his job already does, especially now knowing he has insomnia.

Shit, he has insomnia. Harry kind of forgot and this whole date night thing might be a bad idea then. Ever since _that day,_ Harry has always managed to make Louis go to bed at the same time every night and granted it is not 10 PM just yet but they will most likely be back way after that.

“Lou,” he says once he joins Louis by the door. The latter has indeed a small bag over his shoulder probably filled with various snacks… and Harry would say it is for the both of them but he knows Louis will finish eating them before he even has the chance to get a glimpse of it. “Are you sure? It won’t mess up with your sleep? We might come home late.”

Louis levels him with an amused look as he tosses the keys his way. Harry nearly drops them instead of catching them. “Don’t you worry your big head,” the nurse snickers. “Worst case scenario, you cuddle me to sleep tonight. ‘ve always slept better when you’re holding me.”

Louis turns his head just as he says those words, definitely determined to not let Harry know what he is feeling right now. The confession makes Harry’s heart flutter as he locks the door firmly behind them. They haven’t really… shared a bed again after the sex that one time a few weeks back now already. They have cuddled late at night on the couch while watching a TV show but they’ve always separated afterwards, each going to their own room.

“Is this an invitation to sleep in your bed again?” he asks in a teasing tone, and perhaps suggestive too. It wasn’t really intended but Louis huffs highly offended apparently.

“Only sleep and cuddles, don’t feel like changing my sheets again.”

It is kind of odd, how casually they are talking about it, actually, when this is the first time they are fully addressing it. There should be some tension, some sort of uncomfortable air between them — but there’s nothing.

“You’ve thought about it again, haven’t you,” Harry teases, stepping closer to Louis again while the latter doesn’t budge, eyes still trained on the empty street before them. He cannot hide his red cheeks from Harry though.

“Well duh, it was the best sex I’ve had in literally a decade.”

He expected Louis to be bluntly honest, but he did not expect that reveal, catching him off guard.

“Wait, as in I’m the best you’ve had since then or you’ve never…?”

Louis huffs again, but still not meeting his eyes quite yet. “I’ve never been with anyone else or at least this intimately,” he admits. “Not that I haven’t tried, I just felt like puking when the guy wanted to take things farther after barely a few dates. Besides, did not experience any sexual attraction or anything to anyone after you so bars and night one stands were pretty useless to get over you.”

Harry sucks in a breath. “That has a name, doesn’t it? I’ve heard of this before…”

“Yeah, demisexual. Zayn introduced me to the term actually. In a sense, he was my rebound even if we’ve never dated or anything,” Louis muses. “He’s just helped a lot, I never thought that I would discover new things about myself I never would have found out about, probably, if you hadn’t left.”

A pause. Harry doesn’t know what to say. Louis finally meets his eyes, a hint of love in there, a hint of that familiar glint Harry used to see every day, but he is scared to bring it up. He is scared that might just be the light of their porch reflecting on Louis’ eyes and making them shinier than usual and that this is just him projecting. He is scared he might be misinterpreting this, so he keeps his mouth shut and only leans down when Louis goes on his tiptoes again.

Their lips seal in a gentle promise. What promise? Harry is not sure yet, but he is holding onto it. When they pull back, Louis laughs softly.

“Come on, let’s go to the library? Before I freeze.”

Harry only nods, still having trouble to find his voice, as they walk quietly to the library.

-: ✧ :-

Louis looks ecstatic to have the whole old library to himself. Eyes and smile wide as he spins around and looks at the countless books surrounding them. The fact he is still wearing his glasses, that are so close to falling off his nose too, makes him look somehow even younger.

“I haven’t been here in ages!” Louis exclaims, seemingly loving the echo screaming back to him. “God and being able to actually raise your voice is nice too, feels forbidden, I like it.”

“Of course you do,” Harry snorts with an eye roll. “But you really haven’t been here again for that long?”

“Haven’t had the time,” Louis answers simply. “We could easily spend the night here, there is still the movie watching room right?”

“We are not sleeping here the floor creaks at any movement and you move too much,” Harry disagrees to which Louis only sticks his tongue out, “and yes it’s still in the same place, we could watch one or two movies?”

“I just wanna look around first,” the nurse hums, “there’s something really charming about an old library at night.”

And so he does, slowly walking in between all the shelves and grazing his fingers over the books he could reach while Harry follows. They quickly pass by the tables where a few books and pencils have been forgotten. They debate for approximately ten seconds over putting the books back into the shelves or not before Harry leaves for a minute to bring a cart… and Louis sits on it before Harry could grab a book.

Louis only smiles, dangling his feet and extending his arms to hold the books himself.

“Seriously?” Harry asks, “You can’t be bothered to walk now?”

“Nope,” Louis answers, popping the “p” followed by a giggle, “Don’t act like you can’t push this cart with me on it, it’s better like that anyway you give me the books, I tell you the title and genre and you bring us at the right section of the library, you know this place better than me. Also, you’re taller, you put the books back while I sit there.”

“Seriously?” Harry repeats yet he is already rolling Louis around and grabbing the forgotten books to toss them on Louis’ laps or on the spaces left behind the man or on the bottom part of the cart. So really, Harry ends up doing most of the work.

“It’s a good arm workout don’t deny it,” Louis taunts, legs still dangling. “You need it.”

“Excuse you, I have been working out!”

Louis hums, a hand immediately caressing Harry’s biceps and maybe Harry purposely flexes more than he needs to as he starts to push the cart. Just maybe. “I know. These definitely are not the noodle arms you had ten years ago.”

“Those noodle arms, as you call them, could still hold you and carry you without any issue back then.”

“I beg to differ I remember clearly a few bruises that weren’t caused by our intense love makings but by you accidentally dropping me or literally throwing me against a wall instead of just pinning me against it.” A pause as Harry huffs, grabbing a book to quickly read its title, before leading them to the correct section of the library. “Killed the mood many times,” Louis finishes finally.

“You bruise like a peach, wasn’t entirely my fault,” Harry defends, pinching Louis’ arm in retaliation. Louis yelps, going to slap Harry’s arm away but Harry dodges it. “Also you liked it so you can’t complain.”

“I did like it,” Louis admits, in a softer tone all of a sudden. “This one’s Henry James’ autobiography,” he changes the subject, now focusing on the small pile of books on his laps.

“Far back of the library,” Harry replies automatically.

They spend the next fifteen minutes or so putting the books away in a similar fashion. Since they did not think of organising the books by genres beforehand, Harry ends up having to push the cart around the whole library in circles while Louis enjoys the ride, barely lifting his little finger.

Once they are done, Louis immediately jumps to his feet and wastes no time in making his way towards the movie room in the back of the library. Harry doesn’t follow him right away, instead, he takes a small break against a shelf. He made have pretended in front of Louis, but pushing that goddamn cart around with Louis’ added weight on it and the fact that Louis could _not_ stay in place was harder than expected on him.

When Harry opens the door to the movie room, he sees that Louis has already chosen a film and is now sat on the sofa directly in front of the small TV. Compared to the rest of the library, the movie room is pretty simple. It resembles a small studio with just three sofas, a low table in the middle and a TV. Nothing fancy, it’s an old TV set from the 90s that Margaret never bothered to upgrade. Without truly any surprise, the room is then only ever rarely used. In fact, he is pretty sure most of the students coming in every day don’t know about the very existence of this room.

That is where he used to hide a lot to study in peace, with Liam and Niall as well. It was their hideout, their safe space. But Harry never found himself alone here with Louis until now, which is actually pretty surprising, thinking back.

“What movie did you put on?” he asks, swiftly sliding by Louis’ side who then immediately leans his head on his shoulder, scooting the plastic bag with the snacks on Harry’s laps.

“I don’t know, some romantic comedy I think. Something about Seattle.”

“Oh, _Sleepless in Seattle_.”

“Yeah, that. Did you go there?”

Harry nods.

“And so?” Louis prompts, slightly lifting his head to look at him. “No comment about it?”

“It didn’t strike me as much as other places,” Harry confesses. “It’s like that for a lot of… places, actually?”

“You’re telling me or asking me?”

Harry doesn’t reply, just nudges Louis ever so slightly to redirect his attention on the screen. Louis snorts but drops the subject.

He doesn’t pay much attention to the film itself, as they have seen it quite a few times in their teenage years. The selection of movies isn’t really extensive, really, so the same movies used to play in the background while they talked or worked. He remembers Louis only ever paying real attention when it was a psychological thriller of some sort, Se7en especially. Truth be told, Harry would not be able to make a summary of the movie if he were asked to, he isn’t even sure of Tom Hanks’ character’s name. His attention remains on Louis instead.

Louis has always been particularly expressive and Harry has relearned to read his body language. The way his left eyebrow twitches when he is annoyed, but if he raises the right one he is about to tease someone. The way Louis tends to hold his own face when he gets happy so he can quickly hide his smile behind his fingers when he finally cannot contain the joy in himself. The way he plays with his ring finger whenever anything romantic happens around him.

And Harry catches him doing exactly that, roughly an hour and a half, as the movie wraps up and the two characters finally see each other and confess.

“Louis,” Harry whispers, gently reaching forward to grab Louis’ hand, a finger pressing softly against the black ring there. “Why did you never tell anyone about… the failed proposal?”

Louis stops all movement then, eyes staring straight ahead as he lets out a shaky breath. He doesn’t jerk his hand away though and instead seems to melt into the couch, trying to disappear.

“Again, shocked you didn’t ask earlier,” is the mumbled response he gets.

“We weren’t exactly on the best of terms…”

“I offered a friendly hand, you were the one to blow it,” Louis counters.

“But then you were the one who suggested we do this.”

“Took pity on you and you already messed it up by making everyone think you still had feelings for me so didn’t feel like I had a choice in the end.” Harry freezes. Doubts arise in his mind again.

He coughs. “Anyway, you could have easily told them and it probably would have lifted some weight off your shoulders?”

Probably sensing he could not escape the question this time, Louis sighs loudly.

“Fine… I was scared I was holding you back, or at least that’s what you implied after rejecting my proposal,” Louis mumbles. To be really honest, Harry doesn’t remember a lot of the words he spoke from that evening. He just remembers Louis’ silence and the hurt in his baby blue eyes as he took it all in, the ring box discarded on the side. “It was too embarrassing _of course_ I wouldn’t tell the others about that and they love you so much. They were so supportive when I told them you were out there pursuing your dream of travelling the world. As much as I hated you back then, you still had a place here, friends and family to come back to if you wanted to and even a bitter me could not handle the idea of you, coming back home to rest after discovering the world and then being shunned by everyone because I was hurting. It just didn’t feel worth it, in the long run.”

Harry is speechless as he stares at Louis’ side profile. The other man is purposely not looking at him, cheeks a little rosier than usual and eyes stubbornly staring ahead, at the blank screen of the TV.

“You’re… too good,” Harry whispers after a while. _For me_ , is implied as well because fuck, he wouldn’t have blamed Louis for bitching about him after what happened even knowing that everyone would take his side and Harry would have been alone trying to fix a mess made ten years ago. And here he thought Liam had just pity for him. “Liam knows, though. I, uh, I told him.”

Louis’ eyebrow twitches. “Oh. That explains the pity look he gave me when Niall announced they were engaged then.” He huffs. “Even though it was like, three years after you left so I was over it by then. Plus I met Zayn a few weeks later when I went to London to finish my studies, I already praised him enough but he’s the only one who knows about all of this, so. We had a great time at the wedding too.” He smiles at the sweet memory while Harry slowly lowers his gaze, sadness and guilt taking over him. He could have been part of that memory. Or he would have ruined it by being there. “Why couldn’t you come, by the way?”

“Bad timing.” He doesn’t elaborate, not really willing to admit he actually wasn’t ready yet to face him and everyone else.

Louis seems to accept that answer, though and just gets up to pick a new movie to watch. Harry’s hold around Louis is a little tighter this time around and Louis doesn’t comment on it, just simply kisses Harry’s hands before snuggling a little closer.

Cocooned like this, Harry suddenly cannot remember why he ever wanted to leave this place, to leave Louis. The past ten years and all his travels suddenly pale against the simplicity of this very moment.

He feels his heart beat faster as the realisation truly downs on him for the first time, and he’s afraid Louis can hear it.

But he is in love. He is so in love.

 _And you never stopped being in love_ , the Niall-like voice in his head comes back to hammer in the fact. _Perhaps those lies weren’t actual lies after all._

-: ✧ :-

Zayn comes back before Harry can figure out a way to confess to Louis but perhaps it is a good thing, he muses. Harry would usually go to Liam, or Fizzy for advice but Zayn truly is the closest person to Louis now and there is the added bonus that unlike anyone else in town, he knows the whole situation and also probably already knows about Harry’s feelings.

The issue now, surprisingly enough, is to get to talk to Zayn alone without it looking too suspicious. Problem is that Louis is clingy. Harry usually would never consider it a flaw or something he would complain about, but Louis just can’t let go of Zayn for one second now that he is back and Zayn doesn’t seem to want him to stop either.

And granted, Harry gets it, they’re best friends, they missed each other in the past month or so, but for fuck’s sake he _exists_. Was that how Liam felt whenever he and Louis were in their own bubble during their teenage years even before they were officially dating? He hopes not because then he deeply feels sorry for the guy.

“You look down old guy,” Charlotte comments that day, very loudly as soon as Harry walks into her café.

“Again, don’t call me that,” Harry reminds her with a sigh.

“My, my, so grumpy this morning,” she sing-songs, already preparing a latte and sliding a slice of blueberry cheesecake across the counter as Harry approaches. “Zayn’s back so my brother has forgotten to kiss you goodbye?”

Harry grunts, leaning against the counter, glaring at the cheesecake as if his sour mood was its fault. Truth is, Lottie isn’t even that far off with her guess either. Harry has gotten used to being able to say goodbye to Louis in the morning, maybe with a kiss or a hug before he’s off, but now that Zayn is back, they are both gone long before Harry wakes up and he doesn’t like it.

Realistically he could just wake up earlier to sync up with them but his motivation is really nonexistent unfortunately.

“Are you just gonna sulk then?” Charlotte asks as she puts the latte down in front of Harry as well. “You’re gonna scare off customers so cheer up or go at in the table in the back.”

“There’s literally no one here this early Lottie, you’re good.”

She gasps in fake offence. “And you dare insult my business too? Who are you?”

Harry rolls his eyes, giving her his card to pay. He knows where she got that humour from, and it definitely isn’t from Mark. While she has her back turned for a few minutes, Harry checks his phone, smiling slightly upon seeing a message from Louis apologising for leaving in a rush this morning followed by a gif of a puppy looking up with its big eyes.

“When will he accept he’s more of a kitten though…” he mutters to himself just as Lottie comes back and hands him his card back.

“Thinking of adopting a cat?” she asks. “With all those plants around your house, it’s probably a bad idea if you wanna avoid broken vase and dirt everywhere.”

“Birds aren't a good idea either, some of the plants we have are toxic to them, plus we’re not home that often so the bird would feel lonely,” Harry sighs. Charlotte blinks, surprised. “Yeah, I did some research.”

“Louis brought me and Fizzy to a bird rescue establishment in London a few years back. He volunteered there for a while as well. I had never seen him this happy, you know, well, until now.”

“How did he even get that infatuation with birds? He was terrified of pigeons before…” Harry wonders, suddenly realising he never actually asked Louis that.

Lottie hums, tapping her chin as she tries to put pieces back together in her head.

“I’m not sure, actually,” she replies at last, “but I know he and Zayn went on a few vacations around the world here and there. I know they stayed for at least a month in Australia four years ago- well, I’m not sure of the time period, but I remember very clearly Louis calling me at 2 AM, forgetting about fucking timezones, because he just held a kookaburra and needed to cry about it with someone since Zayn was tired of him.”

That is… that is brand new information. Harry frowns, feeling like he was back to square one. Now that he thinks about it, he and Louis haven’t sat down a lot to talk about the past ten years. It’s always been a kind of an unspoken agreement, a silent whisper maybe, like a bandage they both refuse to rip out but they should face.

Harry has been too distracted relearning how to just exist in this town, relearning how to read and love Louis, and it felt like they didn’t really need to address the past apart from the failed proposal.

There is so much to still unpack but time is also running out.

Or not, he reminds himself. The inheritance isn’t in the picture anymore, Louis will get it and— and that’s probably for the better.

“Lots,” he starts, bringing the woman’s attention back to him, “you think your brother would one day want to get married?”

“Absolutely,” she answers without missing a bit, a soft gentle smile slowly forming on her lips as she eyes the diamond ring on her own hand. “You know him, a hopeless romantic. Though I thought he’d given up on that too after you left.”

Harry hides his grimace by shoving a piece of the cheesecake in his mouth, eyes trained on Charlotte, urging her to continue.

“I don’t have much more to say, Harry, Unless you want me to say that there was a time I was hoping deep down that he and Zayn were lying about ‘just being friends’, really” Charlotte adds on with a little shrug. “Are you having doubts? What happened to that ring you were flaunting around?”

“Yes I’m having doubts but as in, it may be too soon.”

“But Lydia’s clause is making it bit urgent, innit?”

Harry freezes at that, staring at her with wide eyes. She lets out a small giggle. “Did you forget? We all know about it.”

“I- uh yeah, I kind of forgot it was public knowledge,” Harry mutters, “but that’s not because of the clause actually, she changed it.”

“Did she?”

“Yeah… Louis will be getting the money and everything no matter what happens between us and I think that’s better for everyone,” he explains.

“Why, so that’s out of the picture and now you’re gonna leave again?”

Harry is startled by the sudden venom in her voice that he never heard until then. She is frowning slightly as well even if she’s not looking at Harry directly anymore, instead busying herself with rearranging the counter — even if it doesn’t really need rearranging.

“No,” he says carefully, dragging out the word, “what makes you think I’d do that?”

“Just—” Her shoulders slump, all the anger leaving her at once. That’s how Harry knows she and Louis truly are related. “Sorry. Just looking out for my brother. It’s just— when you first came back it felt like it was only for that clause and to find a way to still get your rightful inheritance despite Lydia’s shenanigans. I didn’t truly care and Louis told me to be welcoming since he wasn’t bitter about your break up so I shouldn’t be either.”

She sighs, turning around to meet Harry’s eyes again. “But then you got back together with him and at first I was sceptical because that’s so convenient for you… yet I couldn’t imagine Louis agreeing to this if he didn’t know what he was doing. And sure enough, little by little he was just. The happiest I had ever seen him in such a long time…” A pause. “Not to say Zayn never made him happy, or me and the girls, or Liam and Niall but you know, the love he holds for us is different from the one he holds for you. And I got excited when you showed that ring at first, even if it may be a bit early, but it was reassuring to know the idea of spending the rest of your life with him pleases you.”

“… Does that mean I have the sister seal of approval?”

Lottie chuckles. “I guess. Just don’t fuck it up, old man. You aren’t gonna leave then? Even if nothing’s keeping you here anymore?”

Harry shakes his head. “And if I have to, I’m afraid I’ll just put Louis in my suitcase and flee.”

She smiles. “That’s the least you can do, truly. I’m sure he’d fit in there just fine.”

“Never let him hear you say that.”

“He’s taller than me, he’s fine.”

A pause. Harry has finished the cheesecake by then and is slowly but surely emptying his cup of coffee.

“You’re wrong, by the way,” he says suddenly, earning a curious look from the woman. “A lot is keeping me here. The difference is that, unlike ten years ago, it doesn’t feel like a bad thing anymore.” A pause. Charlotte appears pensive, pout in place as she taps her chin at Harry’s words. “And I want to make Louis truly realise that… but I might need a little help, perhaps Zayn’s if I manage to separate the two long enough to plan something.”

“Well, that might get arranged,” she mutters under her breath, suddenly walking away towards the back before Harry can question her.

A few clients walk in then and Harry takes it as his queue to leave.

-: ✧ :-

He still wants to propose, is the thing, and it’s stupid because so far he’s only encountered signs that it is a bad idea. It’s too soon, there is a ten years blank in their relationship, what they have is still not real because neither he nor Louis addressed the fake relationship part, they still have a lot to learn about the other. Years of experience behind them to acknowledge.

It would be like starting anew, he guesses.

Harry groans, hiding behind his book to avoid any teenager sending him weird looks.

“Trouble in paradise sweetheart?” Margaret comes up to him, taking the book from his hands and adding it to the pile they were cataloguing. “That’s a children's book.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t read it,” Harry argues with a small huff. “And no, Louis and I are doing just fine.”

“I gathered from your escapade here.”

Harry blushes a little. He and Louis ended up falling asleep in the movie room that night and were woken up by Margaret who was opening up the library. That meant Louis was running late and had to hurriedly run out to the hospital with only a wave to Harry and Margaret. Harry has felt quite bad about it, knowing the nurse did not get the rest he needed but they made up for it in the evening, Harry cuddling Louis to sleep.

They had been then sleeping in the same bed, usually Louis’ room. Until Zayn came back, that is, but even then, he often feels Louis slip into his bed in the middle of the night now.

He’s just gone in the morning.

“Sorry again, Mag.”

“Oh no don’t apologise, you did some cleaning up I was too tired to do,” she reassures. “I wanted to talk to you about something too, about your job here.”

Harry hums questioningly. “A promotion? Even if I’m the only employee?” he jokes, earning a giggle from the old woman.

“Kind of, actually,” she says, surprising Harry. “I heard from Anne you’ll actually be staying for longer.”

 _Perhaps forever_. Harry startles. This is the second time the thought comes to him so naturally.

“Well, I’ve actually been searching for someone to take over this place soon.”

“Oh.”

“It’s about time I retire for real, you know. This place might not appear to be a stressful but I’ve been doing it for way too long, it’s time to take a break,” she explains further, “so I was wondering if you were interested?”

“I’d be honoured,” Harry responds, straightening up, “but like, right now?”

“No,” she reassures, “I know you’ve got a lot in your plate, between Lydia and Louis. I plan on retiring in a year or so, so, it’s up to you to see if you’ll still be here. I will keep searching for someone else just in case but so far you seem to be the only one who doesn’t mind being surrounded by books all day long.”

“Guess that’s a result of years running around the world, I kind of just want to relax and lay back a bit now.”

“So no more travels for you?”

“Well— not right now at least, it can wait.”

She nods, patting his head afterwards. He is a little weirded out but doesn’t comment on it. “You can travel through books anyway in the meantime, can’t you?”

Harry doesn’t reply and only smiles because, yeah, he supposes, he can do that. To be really honest, he did not read that much while growing up, Louis was always the one entranced in his books, which made sense since he originally wanted to pursue literature studies. Harry remembers not really understanding how he could be so fascinated by thousands of pages of words that just merge together in his head after a while.

Turns out, he just didn’t have the patience back then.

-: ✧ :-

That night, Zayn comes home alone while Harry is still cooking and the doctor wastes no time changing his attire for more comfortable clothes and putting on an apron. When Harry sends him a weird look because the apron has a huge heart on its front with a Hello Kitty face as a pouch Zayn simply shrugs.

“It was a gift from Louis a few Christmas ago,” Zayn explains, taking the knife from Harry’s hand and starting to cut the vegetables without even asking what Harry’s planning to cook. “He said I’d never dare to wear it so I wear it proudly out of spite ever since.”

“Fair enough.”

“Now move over, I’m cooking tonight.”

“Uh- do you need help?”

“No, but you can watch.”

Harry would rather not but he surrenders his cooking station and steps back with a shrug. In other circumstances, he would just walk out and busy himself with something else but Zayn looks like he is just waiting for him to ask questions again. Harry lasts approximately five minutes.

“Where’s Louis?”

“You know, I don’t think we ever had a conversation that doesn’t revolve around Louis,” Zayn points out, a hint of a laugh in his voice. “Not that we have anything else in common anyway.”

Harry doesn’t refute the statement. To be fair, they haven’t even tried to find common interests as they have so far very rarely been alone without Louis there to ease up the tension. Now that he isn’t blinded by his own frustration and jealousy, he can admit Zayn would be the type of guy he’d love to spend a calming afternoon with even if they lack common interests.

“He’s at Mark’s, Lottie apparently had an emergency,” Zayn explains then, “something about the flower arrangement for her wedding. He’ll be home before night though, don’t worry.”

“Isn’t the wedding in April?”

“It is, but it’s always good to be early and prepared. Just like um- your aunt already literally planned her funeral months before we even knew how long she had left.” Zayn winces a little at his own words, voice a little unsure at the end as he waits for Harry’s response but the latter is smiling, demeanour relaxed and amused.

“Yeah, that does sound like her,” Harry comments. “She already financed it I’m guessing?”

“Your mum tried to dissuade her. Didn’t work,” Zayn confirms.

“Again, very Lydia of her.” Zayn hums in agreement, though he probably doesn’t know the extent of Lydia’s eccentric personality as much as him or Louis.

A comfortable silence settles in then as Zayn flawlessly dances around the kitchen, apparently going along with the ingredients Harry had already taken out and displayed on the counter. Harry originally had planned to cook fajitas and he’s curious to see what Zayn will come up with — or if he’ll end up making what Harry wanted anyway.

Like that, twenty minutes pass and there was still no sign of Louis. Harry checks his phone, just in case he might have missed a message telling them he actually already had dinner at the Tomlinson’s but a blank screen greets his face.

“So,” Zayn speaks up again, breaking the previous silence as he tosses his knife in the sink, “you didn’t propose, in the end. Not even to pretend.”

“Oh,” Harry startles, “um no I… he doesn’t even know the ring exists…”

“Not doing it then?”

“There is no point, Lydia changed the clause.” A small crease forms between Zayn’s eyebrows and Harry rushes the next words before the doctor jumps to conclusion: “And! This past month I have done some… retrospection and realised some things.”

The frown immediately disappears from Zayn’s face, replaced with a smug expression, left eyebrow and the corner of his mouth slightly raised.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Harry complains, feeling like a child suddenly. “I had too much on my plate, between that fucking clause, Lydia and Louis and his sisters too.”

“Again, buying a ring worth thousands of pounds and constantly glaring at me whenever I dare to just look in Louis’ direction were dead giveaways if you ask me.”

Harry groans. “I know I know…” He leans against the fridge, looking down at his feet. “Felt pretty stupid once I realised. Could have been doing this for real for a while.”

“… So are you?” Zayn asks. “I’m pretty sure Louis would have told me if anything happened.”

“Do you want the details or—”

“I know you slept together a few times while I was gone but I don’t need the details mate,” the doctor cuts him off. “Or I might puke.”

“Alright… and no, I still… haven’t told him. I really really want to but I wanna make it special,” Harry sighs longingly. “He loves me back, right?”

Zayn doesn’t reply right away since his attention is on the pan frying the vegetables and awaiting the moment he can turn the stove off, unknowingly increasing Harry’s insecurity. When he finally puts the food away, Zayn shrugs nonchalantly.

“Not my place to say.”

Harry stares at him, quite offended, actually.

“What?” Zayn waves him off dismissively. “Your turn to feel all anxious and afraid of rejection, it serves you right.”

“Once again, I am _not_ proposing.” Just yet at least, he’s got a plan already but first, this needs to go well.

“Feels just as big, innit?” Zayn pauses. “Say, Louis was the first one to confess, wasn’t he? Before you both started dating.”

Harry blinks. Louis _was_ , in fact. Harry remembers being floored by the confession too. While growing up, Harry had always been a little bit more protective over Louis than a best friend probably should have while Louis basked into the attention that anyone could give him. Harry had never felt like he was enough back then and the growing confusing feelings he experienced during teenagehood surely did not help either. So when Louis came up to him one day and literally confessed through several poems he had written himself, Harry was overwhelmed and just could not believe what he was hearing.

That day though, he felt on top of the world. Perhaps that is why he later was so loud and obvious with the PDA, always screaming _this one’s mine, I have no idea why or how, but this boy is mine_.

“He… he was. In fact, he took the initiative for most of our relationship,” he mutters.

And it is still true today, he thinks. Harry may have — insensitively — suggested they fake date to please Lydia first, Louis ended up being the one to start it and encourage Harry to take part in his own idea.

It’s always been Louis. Harry needs to step up.

“So for this once, I’m the one who will take his breath away.”

Zayn smiles as he says those words and looks like he wants to add something when they hear the door open. They share a look and Zayn signs him to get out and greet Louis at the door while he sets the table for the three of them. Harry just nods then turns around.

Louis doesn’t look particularly tired for once as he effortlessly closes the door behind him with his foot before swiftly taking his shoes off while humming some tune. When he spots Harry though, the humming stops to instead let a huge smile form on his lips, what sounds like a delighted squeal escaping his throat as well. Harry’s heart melts at the sight.

“Hey dove, a good day I reckon?” Harry asks as Louis skips on his way to hug him. He is fully prepared for the impact but still lets out a small “oof” when Louis just jumps to properly throw his arms around his neck.

Louis nods into his shoulder. “I’m just really happy for my sister. She said I’d get to walk her down the aisle instead of Mark. He wasn’t pleased.”

Harry chuckles. “But you are.”

“Fuck yeah, what did he even expect anyway he’s the one who almost forbid her from dating Colin in the first place and he’s been trying to scare him off and then had the audacity to get mad at Colin for not asking his permission to marry Lottie, can you believe that?”

“Oh, drama you never told me about until now?”

Louis pulls back, frowning a little. “I haven’t? Well, I know what we’re doing tonight. You still haven’t even met the guy! He’s in London right now. Also, where’s Zayn?”

Harry waits a few seconds for Louis to catch his breath, a smile still prominent on his lips. Excited and happy Louis is the cutest fucking thing. “Kitchen,” he finally replies.

“Should have started with that, I’m starving!”

And just like that, Harry gets dragged back to the kitchen but taking full advantage of Louis’ hand in his.

-: ✧ :-

“Do you knit?”

Zayn sends him a confused look. “What?”

“I did some research about this whole asexual thing, a surprisingly large amount of you all like to knit or, well, crochet? Also embroidery,” Harry explains, counting them on his fingers.

“You did some research and that’s the only thing that struck you?”

“I mean yeah I did not know there was that stereotype but anyway, do you?”

Zayn blushes. “I’ve embroidered a few of my shirts, yeah. And jeans… and bags. Fuck I embroider a lot, actually.”

“That’s cool.” Harry wants to slap himself.

“Okay…”

It is awkward. Just slightly. With Lottie requesting Louis’ presence before dinner more often than not lately — and Harry has the tiny feeling that it is because of the discussion they’ve had a few days back — Louis has been at the Tomlinson household quite frequently. As a result, most of the evenings are spent between him and Zayn alone and most often cooking together while waiting for Louis to pop his head back in the house. Sure, they don’t a hundred per cent get along that well, there are a lot of awkward silences, both of them struggling to find something to talk about that doesn’t revolve around Louis, but it isn’t as uncomfortable as it would have been a few months prior to now. They have tried, mind you — but they still found nothing in common except their love for Louis.

Though the nature of that love is significantly different, of course. At its core it is the same, though, Harry muses. A deep appreciation and admiration.

“Okay, so Louis—” Harry starts but gets cut off by Zayn’s laugh.

“Sorry!” Zayn apologises immediately, covering his mouth in embarrassment, “It’s just— we managed a whole hour before talking about him.”

Harry blinks then chuckles weakly at the realisation. Helpless, he’s so fucking helpless. “I just really don’t want to mess this up.”

“Harry, what you prepared is perfect, you have nothing to fear.”

“Yes I do: rejection.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Two months ago I would have agreed, not so much anymore.”

“But it seems too simple…”

“And? Louis likes simple.”

It’s true, but Harry still bites at his lower lip, a hint of insecurity slipping inside him. Rationally, he knows he’s always been the one wanting to do extravagant things during their dates back in the day, while Louis was always content with just a chill evening cuddling in front of the TV and gentle whispers of “I love you”s in the air. But where Harry lacks words, he excels with his actions and perhaps it is a rather materialistic approach but that is the only way he’s known how to show his love when it is not with pure affection.

This time though, he wants to do it Louis’ way.

“What if he wants extravagant Harry instead though?” he can’t help but ask.

“Then you can plan something like that for next time,” Zayn replies simply, throwing a pillow at Harry’s head. Harry doesn’t have the time to dodge and yelps as the soft fabric hits his cheek. “Now stop worrying, shouldn’t be long before Louis is there.”

“Shit, you think he won’t be in the mood to go out again when he just came back?”

Zayn actually looks a hundred per cent done now, making Harry gulp. “Oh for fuck’s sake.”

“Sorry sorry! I’ll shut up now.”

Fortunately for him, that is the exact moment the front door opens, the distinct sound of Louis’ singing voice ringing in the air. Both Zayn and Harry perk up, turning their heads almost in sync to see Louis walk into the room, smile wide on his cheeks.

Louis sort of freezes though, upon getting two pairs of eyes strangely and intensely staring at him. He awkwardly waves.

“I feel like I missed something,” he states a bit dumbly.

Zayn and Harry share a brief look, confusing the nurse furthermore, before Zayn nods his head to the side with an exaggerated eye roll, prompting Harry to nervously stand up.

“What do you think about a picnic under the stars?” Harry asks.

“The three of us?” Louis inquires, looking at Zayn with confusion.

“The two of you,” the latter rectifies. “I’m going to the Paynes’, but Harry over there needed the emotional support.”

“Emotional support?” Louis repeats, tilting his head as he looks up at Harry, a hint of his smile at his lips. Somehow, Harry feels like Louis already knows what this is all about because the smaller man bounces a little on his feet now, hands grabbing Harry’s arm excitedly. “For a picnic? There must be something.”

And Harry wants to say something back but then he gets lost in Louis’ sparkling blue eyes and he is rendered speechless, anxiety bubbling up inside of him again as thousands of scenarios play in his head where this whole evening will just end in misery. Louis’ joyful attitude doesn’t falter despite the lack of response from Harry and Zayn sighs, exasperated.

“You’ll see, once Harry comes back to us, I guess,” Zayn comments as he jumps on his feet as well. “Seriously Louis, stop making him glitch.”

“You say that as if I know how I even do that.”

“Let go of him abruptly and jump back.”

Louis does and Harry startles at the sudden movement, frowning now at the distance between him and Louis. He barely registers Zayn’s sardonic “told you so” with Louis’ laugh filling the room with glee.

-: ✧ :-

Harry did not really plan for that night to be a full moon, but it was oddly fitting. They settle by the river, sitting on the grass with the empty picnic basket poised in between them as the moon’s light reflects on the water, gently hitting Louis’ side when Harry turns to look at him.

A million loving words dance in his mind as he stares at Louis’ wistful and content expression, eyes following a few dead leaves getting taken away by the river. However, he finds himself speechless when he opens his mouth to try to express those thoughts out loud. Instead, a longing sigh escapes his lips, bringing Louis’ attention to him.

The man is smiling, ever so tenderly and for a moment, Harry feels like everything is right in the world and no words need to be exchanged, that looks are enough to establish what they have. But it is not.

“Louis,” the sound of his own shaky voice feels unfamiliar. He gulps while Louis tilts his head and reaches forward. Soon enough, Louis’ hand rests on Harry’s on the ground — reassuring, encouraging… loving?

“What is it?” Louis asks softly.

“I bought a ring.” He startles himself at the words while Louis freezes completely as well, flinching a little as he hesitates to pull back. He doesn’t and Harry internally sighs in relief. “I mean—”

“So that wasn’t just a rumour,” Louis cuts him off, sounding deeply confused. “Also I’ve already got your ring?” As he says so, he waves his other hand where the rose ring proudly takes centre stage.

“Yeah but— it’s not the same, I didn’t get that ring with the thought of you. The one I bought… I got… sort of carried away.” Clumsily, Harry starts to pat his pockets in search of the said ring, presenting the box to the smaller man when he finds it. Louis gasps quietly when his eyes fall on it. “I’m so bad at this but— I did not want to just pretend anymore, I want us to be really together again and I had the crazy idea of, well, proposing. Might have been influenced by Lydia and the whole clause mess but… after buying it, it just hit me how much in love I’ve fallen again. How much I wanted you back, all of you.”

Silence, only a deafening wind suddenly picking up because apparently Mother Nature has a good sense for dramatic irony.

Harry sighs, knowing he needs to say more. “After all this time you do deserve an explication. I’ve never been good with words and the fact it took me so long is a testament to that, I guess.” This manages at least a little smile on Louis’ lips, though it is brief. “I think deep down, I never understood why you’d choose me, of all people. You had always fit in so perfectly with everyone else here and at the time I felt like the odd one out? You’re literally the star of the town or at least it is how I always saw you. I felt… like I did not quite deserve you. Then Lydia started telling me about her travels, about the world, and that paired with the growing frustration of thinking I was not good enough just… drove me to leave.”

Harry toys with the box in his hand while Louis stares with a mixture of longing yet hesitation glinting in his eyes. Harry cannot blame him even though he sure would have preferred pure delight in his lover’s eyes.

“Not gonna… open it, obviously,” Harry mutters awkwardly after a while, “still want it to be a surprise… one day, hopefully.”

Louis still doesn’t say a thing, now averting his eyes and pulling his hand away. He focuses on the night sky above them instead.

“Just- say something? Please?” Harry ends up begging, clutching the box against his chest.

“I really don’t know what you want me to say,” Louis sighs. “It’s— I would have said no.”

Harry’s heart sinks. “Oh.”

“Not because I don’t love you— more like, I’m not marrying you after only three months.”

“Technically six years and three months…” Harry points out.

“Harry it’s been ten years. To you it doesn’t seem much, you left and came back to a town that hasn’t changed a lot, but me— god the first time I saw you again, Harry, I just couldn’t believe my eyes. Somehow you grew taller, stronger, and though you had the same sheepish smile on your face like the first time I told you I love you, your whole demeanour was so different from the one I remember. The Harry I let go was… a lot more careless, about everything and I really can’t wrap around my head the fact you ever felt like you weren’t enough because you always burned with the brightest flame in my eyes, always so bold and confident. Yet here you stood before me, gentle and sweet, afraid you’d break me. I expected, I don’t know, an arrogant asshole who thought he was too good for this unknown town, mostly because I needed a reason to be bitter, but no. I was pleasantly surprised.”

Louis pauses as he lets himself fall backwards, arms crossed behind his head as the grass tickles his sides. Harry doesn’t follow, simply watches, propped on his right hand.

“I tried keeping my distance- I couldn’t, really, I was fascinated by this new you, even if you weren’t exactly that different just- grown up, I guess. I had moved on, mind you, and I was so convinced I would not fall for you since you kept insisting you wouldn’t stay but then your actions contradicted what you said. The ring, the morning kisses, the late cuddles, the domesticity of it all… even if we did not need to pretend. It was confusing. Then we started- having sex, to relieve stress or whatever but I was more disturbed by the fact I wanted it when I haven’t felt this need in so long. I dreamed so many nights of this moment, you don’t even know. I’ve dreamed so many times of you coming back and taking off where we left off and be happy together again and even if my heart screams to say yes, my brain and a voice that sounds awfully close to Zayn’s, tell me I shouldn’t because… we need to do this our way. Without Lydia, my family, yours or Zayn, Liam and Niall to influence our actions.”

Louis sighs as he closes his eyes. “I’m sure it wasn’t her intent, but Lydia did pressure us, and the way we’ve done this felt so… rushed. Marriage can wait. I just want my Harry back for myself and not for anyone else’s happiness.”

_My Harry._

Harry wants to cry because here Louis is again, perfectly putting into words what he has been struggling to even comprehend for himself in the last few weeks. Slowly, he lowers himself to the ground and drapes himself over Louis who doesn’t move an inch, even parting his thighs to allow Harry to settle in between them. When the nurse opens his eyes, Harry’s face is close, unshed tears shining in those dark greens.

“I’m so in love with you,” Harry confesses and though the words fall short for the immeasurable amount of affection he feels in his heart, the way Louis’ face lights up tells him that a few words can do the work alright. “Let’s start over. Can I kiss you?”

Louis chuckles, probably at the abrupt and too eager request but he nods, grinning hard. “I love you too, we’ll make it through this time.”

Their lips meet in a promise under the stars.

-: ✧ :-

“He said no?!” Lydia exclaims as she waves her arms frantically — well, tries to, “Why do you seem so happy then?”

Harry shrugs, debating revealing the whole truth to his aunt but he figures he would need Louis by his side. Unfortunately, today he only came by Lydia’s house for the morning checkup, announcing he’ll come back later at least before dinner but in the worst-case scenario, he is only a call away. Harry had to stop Lydia from calling him just to see his face several times.

“Because he’s right, it is way too early, I’m sure he would have still said no even if the clause was still hanging over our heads. Sorry auntie, probably no wedding for a few years.”

The silence that follows is surprisingly peaceful. When Harry looks at his aunt again, she is smiling lovingly.

“Zayn better be Louis’ best man because I already gave him my whole speech and if I can’t be there, he will have to speak for me,” she informs.

“He’s supposed to only be your doctor…” Harry says, a little concerned and wondering if Zayn is just downright sick of having to deal with his whole family at this point. He probably did not sign up for all this shit when he agreed to move here with Louis.

“He doesn’t mind,” she states confidently, nodding to herself. Pause. “So what now?”

Harry shrugs. “Just wanted to update you I guess.”

He slumps against the couch, sinking a little in between the way too many pillows there. He really does feel like there is nothing else to really talk about now. It is actually quite a relief, truly. For the first time since he came back home, he finally can relax and just… stop thinking. Just lay back and enjoy having his home back.

“I’m just happy I could witness you two reconnect and fall back in love,” Lydia speaks up again. “A little bummed about the wedding though not going to lie— I love weddings. Your sister really had to prefer summer weddings rather than winter ones huh? Same for Charlotte.”

“Liam and Niall had theirs in autumn, Robin and mum too, didn’t they?”

Lydia huffs, “Still not winter. Also, you weren’t there.”

It wasn’t accusatory, just a mere observation, but Harry winces nevertheless because no— he wasn’t there, for both weddings. And he still feels guilty about it.

“I wish I was…” he mumbles. “I could have been there. I just… wasn't.”

“And that’s alright, they don’t hold it against you,” Lydia reassures.

“Niall would disagree,” Harry grumbles, low enough for his aunt to not hear. Mostly, he still is curious about how the ceremony even went — no one ever showed him videos, not even Liam when Harry asked him how it was the day following the end of the honeymoon. Because, as far as he knew, Niall and Liam are never really ones to often express their feelings out loud so the vows were bound to be a little awkward at least. He would have loved to see that and get to make fun of it with Louis.

He sighs as the thought crosses his mind. It is an unlikely scenario. If he had gone to the wedding, he probably would have ruined the whole event. Or make it… more awkward for everyone and not just the main couple.

“I got a letter from Eric,” Lydia suddenly speaks up again and Harry’s heart _stops_.

“What?! You sound way too calm about it!” he exclaims. “Also how?”

“Your mother, obviously, meddling with each others’ love lives runs in the family apparently. I’m the one who introduced her to Robin by the way,” his aunt laughs dismissively, ignoring Harry’s utter look of disbelief. “They apparently still talk every once in a while which I never was made aware of.”

“And, uh, so does he know?”

At that, Lydia’s playfulness fades a little as she looks down and shakes her head. “I don’t know, he didn’t mention it in the letter.”

“Then what was on it?”

She shrugs. “Asking how I’m doing, if life here is as peaceful as it has always been, how are the kids, I think he meant you and Gemma, telling me a little bit about Malta as if I hadn’t been there and he knows it.” She chuckles softly. “Wishing me good luck and happiness. So perhaps Anne did tell him.”

Harry is silent for a few instants before he asks, “Are you gonna write him back?”

“And properly say goodbye,” Lydia confirms with a sad smile, “and thanking him and wishing him the best… For he was the greatest adventure I ever had.” As she says so, she looks lovingly at the pictures above the fireplace.

Harry smiles back, though it is a little bittersweet. Slowly, he reaches forward to take his aunt’s hands in his and bring them to his lips, feeling his eyes water at the warmth he is greeted with.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he whispers. His voice is shaking but he can’t really help it. This is the first time he is truly facing the prospect of losing her right in front of her, alone with no one else to deflect his attention. To distract him.

His aunt looks back at him again, some tears having already fallen as she gently cups Harry’s face with her free hand, caressing his cheek as if he were a tiny child again.

“I will too, believe me,” she tells him. “If it can be of any reassurance, I will rest easy knowing you and Louis are in good hands with each other. Knowing that I had the pleasure of having the best nephew on Earth.”

“Gemma won’t be happy hearing this,” Harry jokes weakly.

“Well, she’s the best _niece_ , it is a different title,” Lydia insists. “But for real. I am sorry I won’t be able to witness other happy moments in your life but know that I will cheer you on no matter where I end up. Also, tell Louis I want a calamondin orange tree to be the plant that represents me or I will haunt your house until he gets that specific plant.”

Oh well, Louis truly did not joke about that then.

-: ✧ :-

Time seems to pass by in the blink of an eye after this. Harry figures it must be because he has stopped overthinking his way through every single day now that everything is settled. Goodbyes are needed sooner than expected however and he finds himself standing in the graveyard with only memories in his head and shivering from the cold winter wind.

Harry originally did not want to stay too long after the funeral, especially once his parents left as well. And yet, here he is still standing in front of the new tombstone joining others in the snow as the footsteps of everyone else get covered back up by the snow. Everyone was caught off guard when it started snowing when it is only the first week of December but for some reason, Harry just knows Lydia would have loved it. She may have loved South East Asia and its beaches the most, she always made sure to be somewhere where she would have snow to look at through the window while bundled up in three comforters and warm chocolate in her hands during the holidays.

“Dove, you… don’t have to stay with me,” Harry whispers softly. Louis did not leave his side at all ever since Lydia died, even taking a few days off work to be with him, Gemma, Anne and Robin. Similarly, all throughout the funeral, the smaller man kept a firm grip on his hand though Harry suspects it also was because of how cold the weather is and the extra warmth from Harry will always be welcome.

When he turns his head, however, he sees that Louis has squatted down as well but his gaze is not on Lydia’s grave. Instead, his eyes are trained on the one next to it as he reaches forward, brushing away the snow covering the engravings.

Harry’s heart skips a beat.

“They’re next to each other,” Louis smiles wistfully as Harry cannot take his eyes from Jay’s name set in the stone. Louis gently caresses it. “Should have brought flowers for you too, sorry mum, the last ones didn’t last long with the snow, huh.”

“I forgot she’s there…” Harry confesses. “That’s a happy coincidence.” Perhaps it is not so much of a coincidence, he muses in his head, considering the fact Lydia had already planned everything months ago.

“It really is,” Louis agrees. A pause. “How are you holding up?”

Harry lets out a small sigh as he stands up again, his thighs starting to hurt. Louis doesn’t seem to have any issue as the smaller man doesn’t move, just follows his movement with his eyes.

“Surprisingly well, actually,” he says. He has cried, of course he has, but there is no regret in his heart. He smiles to himself. “I’ll miss her, though.”

“I think she’d be pretty offended if you weren’t gonna miss her,” Louis says softly. “Oh, by the way.”

Louis doesn’t finish his sentence, prompting Harry to look at him while tilting his head on the side when he is faced with his boyfriend searching something in his bag. It is a mess in there, he can tell just by the sound, really, and all the shuffling going around. A bemused smile falls upon his lips when the moment continues to go on and Louis’ cheeks start to redden from embarrassment.

Finally, Louis lets out a victory yell, now brandishing a yellow letter in his hands as he stands up. Harry only blinks before Louis hands him the familiar-looking piece of paper. Sealed with wax and stamped with the symbol of an L tangled in rose thorns, even without the obvious handwriting on the back, Harry would have recognised the style in a second.

“Lydia wrote you something. You know how she is— _was_ ,” Louis explains nonetheless, wincing just a little at his own correction.

Harry chuckles, fingers grazing the seal with anticipation and longing. This is coming full circle, it feels like as he remembers the initial coldness that took over his body when he received that first letter a few months ago. A shiver gently shakes his body as the words of his aunt come ringing back in his head.

“Louis.”

“Yeah?”

“When we can, I’ll bring you to all of my favourite places. Starting with Paris.” He gently clutches the letter against his heart. “Create new but better memories there, with you.”

When he looks up again, Louis is closer, smiling fondly at him in a similar way. Louis’ hands come cradle his face, bringing their foreheads together. “I would love that Haz.”

Harry wants to kiss him but it would be a little inappropriate, so he settles for a hug, so tight he feels Louis literally melt into the embrace.

-: ✧ :-

Louis is fast asleep next to him when Harry finds himself unsealing the envelope. It is really quiet in the house, apart from the gentle instrumental music he can hear from Zayn’s room down the hallway. All lights are out and Harry only has lit a small candle by his side, careful to put all the plants away from his clumsy hands.

Realistically, he knows he could simply light up the fairy lights again without risking waking Louis up — he took his medicine and is, in general, a really deep sleeper… as long as Harry is next to him — but he feels like Lydia would have appreciated his dedication to keeping it so… old school, in a sense. Harry has always loved to indulge her.

Though he guesses he should start thinking in the past tense now. He’s not sure he wants too, not yet at least.

Carefully, he gets the letter out of the envelope, smiling at the intricate, flowery and golden borders of Lydia’s favourite paper. And then his eyes fall on the date on the upper right corner.

Harry blinks — the date of the letter is a few months old. Early September. No precise date, just September. He truly did not expect this. He takes a deep breath, his other hand finding comfort in Louis’ hair, gently petting it to calm his heart before he starts reading.

_My Dearest Harry,_

_If I have to be honest, this letter was not truly planned. After a long discussion with Louis, the urge to write came to me, and so here I am doing it now. He will most likely be the one handing you this — if you don’t mess up, that is. Really thinking about it, if everything goes right, the knowledge I will lay upon you won’t change your situation much but it might change your view on me. So here it is: the clause was never real and I am sorry if it provided any anxious or pressuring feelings within you my dear. It originally started as a joke between your mother and me. She worried about you as well._

_You refused to face it head-on in the last ten years, but you’ve always sounded a little lost or sad whenever you called. Sure, you sounded like a little kid whenever you described the country you were in but then you shut off whenever we asked about people or when we wanted to talk about what is happening in this town. I was always going to give half of my belongings to Louis once I pass since I knew you and Gemma truly did not need even more money than you have for the rest of your lives if you so please and I apologise I made you think otherwise. I am old, and I got desperate, I guess. Once I had accepted my faith and that I could not fight this sickness any much longer, I figured that I might as well try to bring you two together again._

_I always felt a little responsible for you two falling apart in the first place. You were always the adventurous one but I still did not expect you to leave in such a hurry after I told you about my travels. And… this I never told you, but Louis once came to me asking if he were too young to consider marriage. I helped him pick out and buy a ring— he ended up never proposing, I am assuming as you left soon after that discussion and he had no trace of bitterness in his voice when he told me. Just… longing. Deep longing in his eyes and smile. Deep down I know that even if I hadn’t influenced you, you would have left. You needed it to find yourself. But perhaps you wouldn’t have felt like you needed to completely cut your friends out for this idea of freedom I taught you. It really is in the last ten years that my own perspective changed._

_Perhaps it was wrong of me, but I took advantage of my own condition and threw the dice, hoping faith would be favourable to me—_ you _. I never was good at moving on. You’ve never been either, don’t lie to yourself. We both saw the world as a distraction. Louis, however, had moved on. I knew the only way for a spark to appear again I needed to push you just a little in that direction. If things would have gone the wrong way or if I suspected that one of you would end up hurt, I would have told you the whole truth, but somehow… things went better than I expected and I could not dare to speak up._

_However, I do understand if you feel some sort of resentment for me. I apologise again, my dear, I just want you to be the happiest you can be now. I won’t be able to watch over you physically anymore so, don’t fuck it up, okay? Keep your loved ones close to your heart. Seeing the world on your own is great, but it is nothing compared to the memories you share with the ones who matter. Loneliness was hard to handle, almost as much as this stupid illness, but you, Louis, my sister… you all made it easier. I know I will rest easy knowing you all are there for each other._

_I am so thankful._

_With Love, Always And Forever,_

_Your Old and Happy Aunt Lydia_

Harry folds the letter then waits. For anything. Tears, anger, frustration, _anything_ negative for being played like this by his own family. But nothing comes to him, only warmth and relief. And how could he not now that he is back home and with the love of his life by his side, the two of them determined to make it to the end. In fact, he feels a little bit of guilt instead, now aware he never told Lydia the whole truth about how Louis and he truly came to get back together.

His point of view doesn’t change really — Lydia has always been nosy, this is just another proof of that. He wonders if she has written a similar letter to Louis revealing this whole thing, or if she decided it best to let him be blissfully unaware. Surely, Louis would have confided in him way before the funeral.

He sighs as he puts the letter away in one of the drawers of his bedside table for now before blowing the candle out. Ever so gently as to not wake Louis up, Harry settles properly next to him. He is laying on his back, eyes still wide open, trying to process everything. Soon enough, he feels Louis shuffling next to him and a small whine escaping the smaller man’s throat before Louis simply curls himself around Harry, head resting on his chest.

Harry blinks, looking down at the mop of hair now obstructing his view. Louis’ breathing is still steady, heartbeat tranquil as well. Harry smiles, lifting Louis up a little so he is fully laying on top of him, acting as a human weighted blanket. The pressure and the warmth settle Harry’s heart as he carefully wraps his arms around Louis and closes his eyes.

-: ✧ :-

They don’t get to go on an extended vacation until two years later. Lottie’s and Gemma’s weddings happen in the meantime and they help Zayn move out and settle in a new house — one of Lydia's that Louis inherited, actually, on the other side of town. Harry wrote a book about his travels and is currently planning to write another one. As for Niall and Liam, they haven’t moved away just yet, deciding that Ireland could wait, perhaps for retirement instead now that life in town has become a little more interesting — and Liam not so subtly implied that they are waiting for Louis and Harry to finally seal the deal too and they wanted to avoid paying for plane tickets when the time comes. Louis did not reply, only rolled his eyes.

After Lydia passed, he and Harry talked a little about marriage though it was still a sensitive topic for Louis despite having warmed up to the idea with Anne and Robin already acting like he is their son as well. Harry has been alluding to it a few times in the last couple of months especially, casually mentioning kids, asking if Louis would keep Zayn’s black ring forever — to which he said yes, he would, as he confessed to Harry that those rings once were the engagement rings he had first bought twelve years ago and that they resold to buy those ones instead, Harry was surprisingly fascinated by the origin story rather than annoyed — or just constantly talking about how exciting it must be to organise a wedding — to which Louis countered that it is actually mostly stressful, after having helped both Lottie _and_ Gemma for theirs. Louis never asked back if Harry had kept the ring he first bought shortly before Lydia passed, he was not sure which answer he wanted to get. All those allusions, though, were enough for Louis to be suspicious when the first stop of their vacation happened to be Paris, of all places.

Now, if Louis has to be honest, Paris is as underwhelming as he expected it to be, or maybe it’s because he didn’t have any expectations to begin with and only apprehensions that were confirmed upon the first day of arrival. Grey sky, loud cars, rude passerby, not so pleasant smell in the air, quite a lot of garbage in the streets, really, and yet Harry radiates happiness by his side and Louis doesn’t quite understand, but he can appreciate it as he lets his boyfriend guide him through the extravagant streets of the city. As expected, Harry took him to all the touristic areas early in the morning so they would not have to deal with a heavy crowd but the man made sure to bring him to more unknown spaces as well afterwards. They danced around the _Ateliers Des Lumières_ , their silhouettes making particularly beautiful pictures in the middle of hundreds of paintings. They ate lunch surrounded by a few giant teddy bears in a small restaurant next to the Luxembourg Garden during which Louis spent almost the whole hour cuddling a bear instead of actually eating. It was a lot for just the first day and that is why after that, they simply walked around until Harry remembered a new place he wanted to show Louis that just happened to be on their path.

Which leads them to where they are now as the afternoon slowly turns into evening.

“Love, that’s a rock,” Louis deadpans as they now stand in a quite isolated alley near the Montmartre area, facing a huge rock in the middle of it, covered in ivies and moss.

“The Witch’s Rock!” Harry exclaims excitedly.

“… We’re in Paris, you’re playing me.”

“No, I’m dead serious!” Harry insists, taking Louis’ hands in his and bringing them around the rock, now facing some gates offering a view of what looks like a fancy hotel with a couple of empty iron garden chairs and tables in the front yard, getting slowly covered by the dead leaves. Louis shivers at the sight for some reason. “Here stood once a fountain. In French it was called ‘La Sourcière’ which sounds a lot like ‘La Sorcière’, which translates to ‘The Witch’ and an old lady used to live in that house, now a hotel, if I recall correctly and thus the legend of the Witch’s Rock began.”

Louis pursues his lips, looking up at the hotel with squinting eyes. “Just because some kids were bored I assume?”

“Kind of,” Harry agrees with a chuckle, “this place kind of became a favourite place for lovers to meet up in a quite a picturesque place. And I know you don’t like Paris or cities in general but I thought you’d love this small part of it. Small stone paths, plants surrounding us, all that.” Louis smiles softly. “But! If you miss England, Paris has a little surprise for you.”

“Does she?”

“I assure you, you won’t believe your eyes!”

And so Louis lets Harry guide him through the streets again. This time, however, it takes them a little under ten minutes before they walk into a dead end, confusing Louis until he looks up and gasps at the sight.

“Harry tell me we’ve somehow teleported back to England.”

“Nope!” Harry pops the “p” with a playful smile.

“It looks— like we’re back home somehow?”

And indeed, he is now surrounded by individual brick houses with slate roofs with bow windows and colourful shutters. Tiny flowery gardens decorate the doors and the gates. Louis feels like he is _hallucinating_.

“Is that our fucking Prime Minister’s house? Or at least a replica what the—” Louis asks, pointing at the largest house there, _10 Downing Street_ written next to the big green doors.

“Yeah, I have no idea why actually,” Harry answers, “this city is- there is a bit of every part of the world hidden a bit everywhere. There’s also a Chinese pagoda somewhere in the 8th arrondissement. Oh and a dragon in the 13th, which is also kind of the Asian district if you will.”

“Wow,” is all Louis manages to express. He finds it a bit ironic that Harry’s tour has, so far, been very little about Paris itself.

“I contemplated buying one of those houses when they went on sale, once,” Harry admits, “it just felt like home here but— not completely.”

“Why so?”

“You were missing.”

Louis blushes and doesn’t reply. Over the past two years, Harry has been particularly vocal about his feelings and thoughts and though Louis appreciates it greatly, he still has a lot of trouble handling that. He is used to grand gestures and Harry’s extravagant attitude, but his gentler and more soft-spoken side will forever render him speechless.

He notices Harry shuffle a bit next to him, a wave of nervousness suddenly overtaking his every move. Louis is about to ask him what’s wrong when a full shiver shakes his body when the wind picks up out of nowhere and he sneezes. Harry startles.

“I told you to take a jacket with you!” the taller man chastises immediately as he removes his own jacket and immediately drapes it over Louis’ smaller frame.

“Well, you didn’t tell me we’d be outside all day! Didn’t know it got this chilly as evening approaches,” Louis defends.

“You knew because I told you,” Harry reminds him.

“Perhaps I just wanted a reason to get your jacket, how about that?”

It is Harry’s turn to feel his cheeks redden with giddiness. He grumbles something that Louis doesn’t quite catch — he is pretty sure he heard a few curses — before Harry shakes his head and lets out a sigh.

A dejected sigh.

Louis frowns, about to ask again but Harry beats him to it, “Come on, one of my favourite restaurants is not so far, let’s warm you up.”

“What is it?” he asks, going along with the change of subject then.

“ _Café Prunier,_ my sugarplum.” Harry grins wild like every single time he thinks he just told the cleverest of puns and unfortunately for Louis, he doesn’t quite get it. He also isn’t sure he wants to know anyway. Sugarplum, though, is not a nickname Harry has used a lot.

Louis likes “dove” better, really.

“I’m not eating frogs… or snails for that matter,” he states firmly as they walk hand in hand again.

“Good because their speciality is caviar there. There are other options, obviously,” Harry quickly adds when Louis grimaces upon hearing the word “caviar”.

“Oh, so it’s _that_ kind of fancy.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Come on, you’ll love it.”

“If you say so.”

Louis does end up loving whatever fancy-sounding dish Harry ordered for him — no caviar though — but he did not tell him that.

He also learns that _“prunier”_ actually means “plum tree” and that Harry apparently is very adamant on having more _sugarplum_ for himself tonight, so there’s that.

-: ✧ :-

Louis tries desperately to keep his noises low, head buried in between the pillows and teeth keeping his lips shut but it is getting increasingly hard. Little whines still manage to escape his throat as he fists his hands in the sheet, toes curling at every lick of Harry’s tongue against his hole. The feeling is so foreign but Louis absolutely melts into it, wondering how they never tried this before with how eager and impatient Harry seemed to be when they first walked back into the hotel room.

If that is possible, Harry seems to enjoy it even more than he does judging by the constant humming from the man who never slows down in his ministrations, licking his entrance while his hands play with the cheeks of his ass, probably absentmindedly. He is so thorough that Louis has trouble believing him when he said he never ate anyone else out before either.

Soon enough, though, Louis starts to get restless. He wiggles his bum into Harry’s face, prompting the latter to pull away with a small gasp, lips shining with spit.

“More— I need more,” Louis pants.

Harry, curse him, slows his movements down, face now far away from where Louis actually needs it and fingers teasing his hole, grazing the skin but putting no pressure on it. Louis whines.

“Harry come on!”

“Well, dove, you didn’t quite tell me what you wanted more of,” Harry replies as he crawls his way to hover over Louis again. Louis groans, dropping completely on the bed as he hides his face in the pillows again while Harry simply lays on top of him. So much for asking for more now he’s got nothing except extra warmth around him.

Which he wouldn’t be completely against if it wasn’t for how hard he still is and how big Harry is smiling against his nape.

“Let me— kiss you for a bit,” Harry says softly and Louis manages to turn around despite Harry’s weight on him, grabbing his boyfriend’s face and kiss him. Harry props himself on his elbows, a hand holding Louis’ jaw, keeping a steady control over the kiss. Louis frowns just a little as their tongues meet, the unfamiliar taste of… well, _himself_ , tasting bitter on his tongue.

Harry then pulls back, only to present two fingers in front of Louis. A little confused, Louis doesn’t do anything before Harry rolls his eyes then presses the fingers against his lips. Louis blushes in embarrassment — it has been a while sue him.

“A bit slow, but you’ve got the spirit,” Harry comments as Louis openly takes his fingers in his mouth, profusely licking them while keeping eye contact. However, at his words, Louis glares and starts lightly biting instead. Harry yelps, pulling his fingers away. “Rude.”

“You’re the slow one,” Louis protests, “‘ve been laying there for, what, more than half an hour and—” it is his turn to yelp as Harry effortlessly slips one finger in his ass, meeting no resistance whatsoever. “Oh fuck.”

“Look at that, ate you out so good, don’t even really need lube.”

“You might if you’re gonna add more than two though,” Louis hisses as Harry indeed slips another finger in soon enough, testing the waters.

“You might be right,” Harry mumbles, sounding quite displeased by that information itself too. “You seem to like the sting though,” he adds on, now looking particularly smug when Louis gasps, his legs parting even more just slightly to invite Harry closer when a third finger tries to join the first two. It doesn’t manage to go all the way through and Harry apologises under his breath before dropping a kiss on Louis’ forehead before pulling away.

Louis wants to ask where he is going, almost whining at the sudden emptiness inside of him but Harry quickly comes back on the bed after tossing a bottle of lube and a condom Louis’ way. He sits up, grabbing Harry’s hand before it reaches the bottle.

“I wanna—” Louis cuts himself off to take a breath or two while Harry eagerly waits, eyes following every single one of his movements. Louis tugs at his hand, swapping their places. Harry smiles, seemingly catching up as he backs himself up against the bed frame and awaiting for Louis to take his rightful place on his lips. Which Louis does without letting go of Harry’s waist, immediately connecting their mouths into a sweet kiss again.

Harry’s lips are addicting, is the thing. Insistent, sweet, eager. Even if Louis initiates the kiss, Harry always ends up being the one deepening it, and no matter how many times Louis thinks he can have the upper hand at the moment like being literally on top for once, Harry’s insistence and expertise will forever render him defenceless and just so _weak_ for any kind of touch. That is why he abruptly pulls away when he feels Harry shuffling a bit, seconds away from manhandling Louis back under him.

The abrupt movement startles Harry who drops his hands and sends him a confused look. Louis chuckles, dropping a small kiss on his nose. “Sorry. I just— this time I, uh, can I ride you?”

Another weak chuckle escapes him as his face heats up with embarrassment. He has no idea why he feels so nervous about it, it isn’t like he’s never done it before… but it _has_ been a while. But then Harry snaps out of the initial surprise and starts nodding his head so vividly that Louis is afraid he is gonna concuss himself against the bed frame.

“Fuck yeah of course you can,” Harry finally answers, hands back on Louis’ body, gently stroking his sides, one hand getting dangerously close to Louis’ crotch.

“Will you be able to stay still?” Louis asks, wiggling a little again, getting Harry’s cock to rub against his ass.

“Probably not, you usually are kind of slow and teasing a bit too much,” Harry replies honestly, laughing when Louis gasps in offence.

“Excuse you! Never mind then!” Except Louis can’t even pretend he is mad and about to leave when Harry immediately wraps his arms around his waist again and bringing their sweaty chests together, still laughing a little as he hides his face into Louis’ neck.

“No no, I’m sorry, you know I love it,” Harry assures. “But you always beg me to take control again and help you.” His voice drops, making Louis shiver. “Getting so desperate riding my cock because you need a little push and that push is me fucking _making_ you take it, isn’t it?”

Louis gulps, stopping himself from reaching for his own — neglected, again — dick, and doesn’t offer Harry any response. Instead, he pulls away a little and reaches behind himself, hand immediately finding Harry’s cock and stroking it to try and remove that smug smile on Harry’s lips. It doesn’t work. In fact, Harry licks his lips as he straightens his back against the frame of the bed, waiting.

Louis scowls under his breath as he blindly positions himself.

“Wait wait wait—” Harry suddenly interrupts, face full of worries, “are you sure you’re prepped? I don’t wanna hurt you!”

“Ssh, like you said, I do like the sting,” Louis dismisses though he swiftly grabs the lube, pouring some more on his hand still stroking Harry’s cock, for good measure. The latter visibly shudders.

“Dove, the condom—”

This, however, stops Louis as he blinks down, eyes falling on the forgotten condom on his right. Both Harry and him stare at it for a good ten seconds as if the object had just offended them just by existing.

“Or we could forego it,” Louis suggests finally, his other hand distractingly tracing the tattoos on Harry’s torso with his right hand. No matter how many times he has seen them by now, he always gets fascinated. Harry got a tattoo in almost every country he has visited and truth be told, some stories made Louis itch to get something done as well. “We’re both clean and have only been with each other so…”

“Going bare for the first time in the City of Love, now that’s an experience,” Harry whistles, delighted. Louis sends him an annoyed look.

“You sound like we’re doing it on top of the Eiffel Tower.”

“Why would we do that you’re afraid of heights.”

Louis gasps. “I’m not!”

They’re getting sidetracked. They really tend to do so often in the middle of sex. Louis is not sure it is a bad thing really, he quite likes it.

“You are,” Harry teases but then he reaches forward, a hand wrapping itself around Louis’ cock while the other one grazes his nipples. Louis lets out a small moan, almost falling forward. “You were so cute, clinging to me while we were up there. So fascinated by the view with your eyes literally shining and yet too afraid to get close to the _edge_.”

At his words, his thumb rubs Louis’ slit, making Louis whine at the reminder of how desperate he already is. Louis bounces for a few seconds, following Harry’s hand before the latter pinches one of his nipples and lets go of his cock to instead settle a hand on his hip to stop his movements. Louis frowns.

“I thought you wanted to ride me, dove,” Harry reminds him, “I feel a bit neglected there.”

“You distracted me,” Louis accuses with a pout. “So it’s your fault.”

Harry only rolls his eyes, grabbing Louis’ waist and effortlessly lifting him up. Louis yelps as he soon feels Harry’s tip brush his hole. He scowls, swatting Harry’s hands away so he can lower himself at his own pace.

They both gasp when Harry’s head slips inside, albeit with small resistance. Louis takes a deep breath, willing his body to relax and welcome the intrusion. He can feel Harry twitching under him, knees bending in order to thrust upwards and Louis immediately props his hands on Harry’s thighs, bringing them down again. However, the action also speeds up his descent and he moans as he sits completely on Harry’s dick, the girth filling him just right.

“Not yet,” he hisses as he keeps a firm grip on the other’s thighs, glaring at Harry who smiles as if Louis just did exactly what he wanted — and he probably did, actually. He looks way too unaffected however and Louis doesn’t like that.

“You feel _so_ good you have no idea,” Harry comments, grabbing Louis’ chin to bring their lips together in a quick kiss. “You opened up so easily for me.”

Louis only hums against his lips, rotating his hips slowly as he gets accustomed to the simultaneously familiar and foreign feeling now that there was literally no barrier between them. The action seems to finally affect Harry as well who groans deep in his throat as Louis continues his slow grinding.

He starts to hop up and down, trying to find the right angle to hit his prostate, groaning when he doesn’t seem able to do so. As he bites his lips, trying to concentrate, he can see Harry close his eyes, brows furrowed and hands fisting the sheets, doing everything to keep still as per Louis’ request earlier. It spurs Louis’ motivation on as he speeds up.

“So fucking warm… and tight fuck,” Harry mumbles, prompting Louis to intentionally clench his insides as he completely sits back down, taking both of their breaths away. Louis almost falls backwards because shit, he found his spot. Face now hidden in Harry’s neck he whines as he stays right there, Harry’s cock pressing just right against his prostate, feeling pre-come coating his and Harry’s chest.

“Lou… Lou let me… can I?” Harry incoherently asks but Louis understands, feeling his own thighs burning and tired of moving despite how close he is.

Almost immediately, Harry wraps his arms around Louis, bringing their chests together, Louis’ dick nestled in between them. The sudden friction coupled with the forceful thrust up of Harry’s pelvis makes Louis cry out — although muffled against Harry’s neck where he bites the skin to soften his own sounds of pleasure.

“R-Right there, k-keep it right there,” Louis stutters out, body limp against Harry’s.

Harry smiles, kissing his temple as he lets a hand rest right above Louis’ bum, a finger gently teasing his hole every single time he thrusts up. It would be too much for Louis right now, he knows it would, but just the thought gets him to go faster.

Before he even realises or has the time to warn his boyfriend, Louis moans loudly in Harry’s ears as he reaches his climax, feeling dizzy. Despite that, Harry’s pace doesn’t falter. Louis pulls back to see the sweat piling up on Harry’s forehead and the dazed look on his eyes.

“Come on—” Louis coaxes, meeting Harry’s thrusts as best as he could, “fucking make me take it.”

Those seem to be magic words because something seems to snap in Harry’s head and Louis finds himself pressed against the mattress in a matter of seconds, Harry’s curls falling back on his face. He doesn’t have the time to complain, not that he would have really done it, before Harry resumes his frantic pace. Louis is sensitive by now and Harry knows it so to soothe him, Harry starts caressing his sides and kissing his face, making Louis squirm with glee and smile.

He feels the exact moment Harry reaches his own orgasm when his thrusts slow down but get more forceful, small whines escaping Louis at every single one. However this time, Louis can feel the come coating his inner walls and he winces a little at the new, somewhat uncomfortable feeling. Harry doesn’t move for a moment, happily nestled in Louis as he breathes deeply into Louis’ mouth.

“Gonna clean you up,” Harry pants, “don’t worry and just lay there okay?”

Louis nods, wincing again when Harry pulls away. He yelps, clenching his hole when he feels a few drops of come slide down his cheek. Harry chuckles as he quickly gets his face down there and licks a long stripe over Louis’ hole. Louis shudders. “N-nope, too sensitive Harry,” he mumbles.

“Understood dove.” The taller man stands up from the bed, making his way towards the bathroom to come back with a wet cloth and clean them both, though it takes them a bit more time than it should have when Louis decides he wants to lick the come off Harry’s chest instead — it nearly leads to a second-round but then Louis yawns and asks for a cuddle instead.

And it’s in between ruffled sheets, skins still glistening under the moonlight, breaths and heartbeats synchronised, that Louis hears those words, spoken in such a soft and careful voice pressed to his ear as he stares up at the luxurious chandelier above them, somehow sparkling as it helps reflect the moon’s gentle glow around the room.

“Louis William Tomlinson, marry me?”

Louis laughs, burying his face into Harry’s neck as he wills his heart to calm down which is quite the impossible mission as now he feels Harry's racing heart against his. In other circumstances, he would play hard to get, ask where is the ring he _knows_ exists, where is the passionate soliloquy he knows Harry is capable of now, singing his praises, or he would even joke and say that technically they have already acted like they were married before so why do it again? Instead, he just stays there, wrapped around his very-soon-to-be fiancé, as he whispers back _“Of course”_ willing himself to not physically melt once more when Harry’s response is to kiss him and press him against the mattress, every part of their bodies touching.

The next morning, he wakes up with a brand new ring replacing the rose one on his hand and the gentle promise of a winter wonderland wedding in his ear.

**Author's Note:**

> I make a good job of pretending I like Paris. No ok, for real, it's a lovely city to visit, but to live in? Especially as a POC? Yeah no. Overrated. Expensive. Would not recommend. ANYWAYS this was longer than I originally planned I'm genuinely impressed with myself.
> 
> [Tumblr](https://lwtisloved.tumblr.com/) / [Twitter](http://twitter.com/darlinlou) (+ [fic account](http://twitter.com/myenglishrose_))
> 
> Thank you for reading, dear, may our paths meet again x


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